HoMO
So yesterday was my very first trip ever to an HMO. The job I have now includes Kaiser healthcare, and I had to get a TB test for work. So I scheduled an appt. with my new GP for a check up and figured I'd get the TB test then too. Well, my GP is in SF and I ended up having to change my plans and get the test earlier in Roseville, about 20 miles from Grass Valley. I called the appointment line and this really cool nurse made the change for me.
I drove down to the Roseville Kaiser center and checked in at the desk later that afternoon. "Your co-pay is $5 Mr. Ireland." I handed her a $20 and got my change thinking, "Wow. $5. That's so cheap. Cool." Two minutes later, I was called into the exam room where I got weighed and asked how tall I am. As the nurse was putting a thermometer in my ear, she asked what I was there for. "TB test" said I. She yanked the thermometer outta my ear and just looked at me kinda shocked. "What? A nurse should do that. You don't need a doctor's appt. for that. YOU SHOULD GET YOUR $5 BACK!"
"OK" I said. "How do I do that and can a nurse see me now?"
I'll go and fill out the paperwork and put you on the nurse's schedule" she said. "Wait here."
So I waited there and read everything posted to the wall. I'm totally up on my gynecological and prostate cancer screening techniques now. After I'd read everything, I thought about swiping a few tongue depressors but didn't and then just waited for about 10 minutes. A super-perky nurse finally showed up to give me my test. She had nothing but bad things to say about the nice nurse who'd changed my appt. that morning over the phone. "They booked you a doc's appt. for a TB test? They are SUCH RETARDS!"
"Well," I said "I think he made a doctor's appt. for me because that was what I originally had. He was actually very nice."
"Don't get me started. Those people are TOTALLY RETARDED!" she continued. I just gave up with a shrug and she kept talking about the very intricate weekend schedule that meant I would have to come back on Sunday, not Saturday to have my test read. We chit chatted a bit and she told me that the docs there at that office were awesome and how come I didn't just have my doctor there, closer to home by 2 hours. I explained that I knew my doc in SF. As a matter of fact, we dated for a short while many years ago while we were both bartenders. Then I asked if they had any gay docs there in that office.
She went from super-perky to completely-over-the-top perky in an instant. "Oh. You're gay. Well that's great. It's not like it's a disease anyone can catch or anything. Yes. Of course. You want a gay doctor. We have two lesbian Nurse Practioners here. They'd probably know about a gay doctor here. But they're off today. Hey, let's go see how we can find you a gay doctor!"
She leads me by the hand down the hall and starts popping her head into a couple of offices asking if you can find out on the Kaiser web site if a doctor you're interested in seeing is gay. The other nurses told her (and me) that that probably wasn't something they had on the web site. But maybe you should ask (insert lesbians' names here.) "Oh, I would but they're off today." Finally, she gave me a number to call an ask there. Then she took me out to the front desk to make sure I got my money back. First I had to go through the whole "You had a doctor's appt. scheduled for a TB test? That's crazy." thing with the receptionist who noted that she thought it was weird when I checked in but "since they were so crazy busy right then" she didn't bother to ask me about it. There was nobody else in line... As she was giving me my $5 back, the nurse who gave me my test started in again on how retarded the phone people were..."
The receptionist looked a little surprised at first and then just smiled and said "You're saying exactly what I'm thinking..."
It was really weird. But free. And I kinda felt like I fit in there and will probably change my doctor to one of theirs. Even if there aren't any gay ones there after all.
I drove down to the Roseville Kaiser center and checked in at the desk later that afternoon. "Your co-pay is $5 Mr. Ireland." I handed her a $20 and got my change thinking, "Wow. $5. That's so cheap. Cool." Two minutes later, I was called into the exam room where I got weighed and asked how tall I am. As the nurse was putting a thermometer in my ear, she asked what I was there for. "TB test" said I. She yanked the thermometer outta my ear and just looked at me kinda shocked. "What? A nurse should do that. You don't need a doctor's appt. for that. YOU SHOULD GET YOUR $5 BACK!"
"OK" I said. "How do I do that and can a nurse see me now?"
I'll go and fill out the paperwork and put you on the nurse's schedule" she said. "Wait here."
So I waited there and read everything posted to the wall. I'm totally up on my gynecological and prostate cancer screening techniques now. After I'd read everything, I thought about swiping a few tongue depressors but didn't and then just waited for about 10 minutes. A super-perky nurse finally showed up to give me my test. She had nothing but bad things to say about the nice nurse who'd changed my appt. that morning over the phone. "They booked you a doc's appt. for a TB test? They are SUCH RETARDS!"
"Well," I said "I think he made a doctor's appt. for me because that was what I originally had. He was actually very nice."
"Don't get me started. Those people are TOTALLY RETARDED!" she continued. I just gave up with a shrug and she kept talking about the very intricate weekend schedule that meant I would have to come back on Sunday, not Saturday to have my test read. We chit chatted a bit and she told me that the docs there at that office were awesome and how come I didn't just have my doctor there, closer to home by 2 hours. I explained that I knew my doc in SF. As a matter of fact, we dated for a short while many years ago while we were both bartenders. Then I asked if they had any gay docs there in that office.
She went from super-perky to completely-over-the-top perky in an instant. "Oh. You're gay. Well that's great. It's not like it's a disease anyone can catch or anything. Yes. Of course. You want a gay doctor. We have two lesbian Nurse Practioners here. They'd probably know about a gay doctor here. But they're off today. Hey, let's go see how we can find you a gay doctor!"
She leads me by the hand down the hall and starts popping her head into a couple of offices asking if you can find out on the Kaiser web site if a doctor you're interested in seeing is gay. The other nurses told her (and me) that that probably wasn't something they had on the web site. But maybe you should ask (insert lesbians' names here.) "Oh, I would but they're off today." Finally, she gave me a number to call an ask there. Then she took me out to the front desk to make sure I got my money back. First I had to go through the whole "You had a doctor's appt. scheduled for a TB test? That's crazy." thing with the receptionist who noted that she thought it was weird when I checked in but "since they were so crazy busy right then" she didn't bother to ask me about it. There was nobody else in line... As she was giving me my $5 back, the nurse who gave me my test started in again on how retarded the phone people were..."
The receptionist looked a little surprised at first and then just smiled and said "You're saying exactly what I'm thinking..."
It was really weird. But free. And I kinda felt like I fit in there and will probably change my doctor to one of theirs. Even if there aren't any gay ones there after all.