sorry for madness, but i did just write an essay....
so.. my decision to stay single for senior year has already been revoked with the new year. he asked me out... he def wants me to be his girl.. the only thing is i feel guilty because i know .. i know that before he didn't want to be official and suddenly he does? i dont want him to just be official because i want it. i want him to be ready for the challeges we are def going to have to face. but he thinks it's worth it. i think it's worth it. i've waited for how long to be with him??? he is definitely worth everything. i'm just... hahaha and i was drunk enough to tell him this, i'm so worried about losing him. i dont' want to lose our friendship and i dont' know what i'd do without him... like with michael i can do without him, he wasn't mandatory... but with him idk... i need him... i always have and he knows me so well.. and i don't know. i'm just happy.. i was happy to just wake up in his arms this morning and to spend all of new years eve/day with him and have him be my first kiss of 07... and to see the look of love in his eyes... hahaha yes he won't say it and i know... love is somethng that takes time but i know he loves me, maybe not in that way yet but he def does as a friend... hahaha best friends have love you know. but i can tell how much he really cares... i can see it everytime he just lays there and looks at me or wakes up and does whatever he can even though he is crazy tired to make me comfortable... ahhh i am not ready for this! funny thing is. i think the reason we are now "official" although idk what's up with that cuz he was drunk and although he says he still wants it idk... i know i'm not making sense, even to myself. all i know is that he thinks it is worth it.. i think it's because i asked about dating other people and what we were allowed to do as far as that was concerned ... and because i told him how i really felt about him not willing to be with me if i go to college elsewhere... other than boston. but guaranteed, imma be up there with him next year one way or the other. ok... now that i confused everyone, let me tell you that 07 is amazing already... hahaha i love that our anniversary is on the first. god i'm falling.