Fic: Hero Worship pt 2
Fandom: Flight of the Conchords
Title: Hero Worship (2/?)
Pairing: Bret/Jemaine
Word count: 856
Rating: PG-13 purely for Dave's dirty mouth
Summary: Jemaine and Dave have a heart-to-heart.
Disclaimer: Not mine in any way shape or form.
Jemaine shuffled into Dave's shop and started looking at a small girl's bicycle intently. It had pom-poms on the handle bars.
Dave walked through the bead curtain, from the back and nodded at Jemaine casually.
“Hey. Where's Bret?”
Jemaine felt stupidly angry and frowned at Dave.
“He's with Murray. Why, do you need to rescue him or something?” he said through gritted teeth.
“I'm just asking, dude. Fucking relax! Did you guys have some kind of a fucking fight or something. I mean you're always together and now you're letting him go to bars on his own and leaving him alone with Murray... what did he do to you?” Dave asked, while stacking a set of second hand frisbees.
Jemaine's frown deepened and he glared at Dave.
“We're not fighting,” he said, balling his hands into fists in his pockets, his finger nails biting into his palms.
“Well there's some kind of trouble in paradise,” Dave went on obliviously, “Holy shit! You're jealous!” he exclaimed with rare insight.
“What? I don't know what you're talking about,” Jemaine stammered unconvincingly
Dave nodded smugly.
“I fuckin' knew it,” he said
“Yeah, well maybe a little bit,” Jemaine admitted, “But just a little bit”
“Jemaine, if someone called you an Australian faggot, you know I'd hit them too,” said Dave patting his shoulder.
Jemaine shrugged him off angrily
“I'm not jealous of Bret!” he said irritably, “It's just, he keeps going on and on about how great you are, like I'm not even there. It's just a bit annoying. I don't know why I said I was jealous, cause I'm not, I'm just annoyed.”
Dave nodded again
“Dude, what I meant was, Bret's just my fuckin' friend. Well not my fucking friend, I'm not a fuckin' homo. He's my friend, you're my friend. Fuckers can't say shit about you cause you're my faggoty friends. But you and Bret... shit, that boy's in fuckin' love with you or some shit. He gets chicks now and then when he starts getting a bit too fuckin' frustrated and then you start getting jealous. You two are fucked up, you're like married without benefits. You might be happy to fuckin' hold his hand and shit, but he wants in your pants and he's not fuckin' waiting around for you forever.”
Jemaine stared blankly at Dave while his pulse thundered in his ears and his guts made an escape attempt through the nearest orifice they could find. He opened his mouth to say something scathing, but he was momentarily struck dumb. By how stupid what Dave was saying. Stupid and wrong and not in the least bit convincing. Dave was looking at him intently.
“You know, I thought you two were already fucking when I met you? Took me by fuckin' surprise when Bret started going out with that Coco chick,” at the mention of Yoko, Jemaine felt his chest tighten, “but then you started going on dates with them? Jesus, why is it taking you two so fuckin' long to connect the dots? He likes you, you like him. It's fairly fuckin' simple”
Jemaine shook his head nervously and swallowed several times.
“No... we're not... you've got it completely... that's not true,” he mumbled almost incomprehensibly.
“You're not fooling anyone, you know,” said Dave calmly.
That hurt, coming from this-is-definitely-not-my-mother Dave. But it was just ridiculous! Bret was just his friend that he lived with and made music with and cooked for and went on dates with sometimes and oh shit Dave was right. Somehow, going on dates with Bret and his girl of the month had never struck him as a bit gay before now.
He'd often thought that it would be better if neither of them ever got girlfriends, like Murray said, and just hung out and wrote songs together. He loved living with Bret and being with him all the time. He was just so easy to like, with his animal jumpers and his smiley face. And his hair and eyes and the way his jeans fitted him when he bent over to pick something up. Was that a bit gay? He'd never questioned it before.
And when Bret had a new girlfriend, he'd get so jealous of her for stealing him away, and all he would be able to think about would be the two of them having sex. Which would get him half hard and he'd have to think about gardening programmes until it went away.
Dave took in his blushing face and patted him on the shoulder again, more gently.
“Don't worry I won't tell him. But you should, you New Zealand faggot,” he said
“New Zealand,” Jemaine said automatically, before looking back at Dave, puzzled, who shrugged.
“Process of elimination, I was bound to get it eventually,” he smiled, “Do me a favour and go and make out with your secret boyfriend. The fuckin' sexual tension between you two is going to fucking turn me into a chick, with all this fuckin' oestrogen floating around.”
Jemaine blushed and nodded, before leaving the shop hurriedly.
Title: Hero Worship (2/?)
Pairing: Bret/Jemaine
Word count: 856
Rating: PG-13 purely for Dave's dirty mouth
Summary: Jemaine and Dave have a heart-to-heart.
Disclaimer: Not mine in any way shape or form.
Jemaine shuffled into Dave's shop and started looking at a small girl's bicycle intently. It had pom-poms on the handle bars.
Dave walked through the bead curtain, from the back and nodded at Jemaine casually.
“Hey. Where's Bret?”
Jemaine felt stupidly angry and frowned at Dave.
“He's with Murray. Why, do you need to rescue him or something?” he said through gritted teeth.
“I'm just asking, dude. Fucking relax! Did you guys have some kind of a fucking fight or something. I mean you're always together and now you're letting him go to bars on his own and leaving him alone with Murray... what did he do to you?” Dave asked, while stacking a set of second hand frisbees.
Jemaine's frown deepened and he glared at Dave.
“We're not fighting,” he said, balling his hands into fists in his pockets, his finger nails biting into his palms.
“Well there's some kind of trouble in paradise,” Dave went on obliviously, “Holy shit! You're jealous!” he exclaimed with rare insight.
“What? I don't know what you're talking about,” Jemaine stammered unconvincingly
Dave nodded smugly.
“I fuckin' knew it,” he said
“Yeah, well maybe a little bit,” Jemaine admitted, “But just a little bit”
“Jemaine, if someone called you an Australian faggot, you know I'd hit them too,” said Dave patting his shoulder.
Jemaine shrugged him off angrily
“I'm not jealous of Bret!” he said irritably, “It's just, he keeps going on and on about how great you are, like I'm not even there. It's just a bit annoying. I don't know why I said I was jealous, cause I'm not, I'm just annoyed.”
Dave nodded again
“Dude, what I meant was, Bret's just my fuckin' friend. Well not my fucking friend, I'm not a fuckin' homo. He's my friend, you're my friend. Fuckers can't say shit about you cause you're my faggoty friends. But you and Bret... shit, that boy's in fuckin' love with you or some shit. He gets chicks now and then when he starts getting a bit too fuckin' frustrated and then you start getting jealous. You two are fucked up, you're like married without benefits. You might be happy to fuckin' hold his hand and shit, but he wants in your pants and he's not fuckin' waiting around for you forever.”
Jemaine stared blankly at Dave while his pulse thundered in his ears and his guts made an escape attempt through the nearest orifice they could find. He opened his mouth to say something scathing, but he was momentarily struck dumb. By how stupid what Dave was saying. Stupid and wrong and not in the least bit convincing. Dave was looking at him intently.
“You know, I thought you two were already fucking when I met you? Took me by fuckin' surprise when Bret started going out with that Coco chick,” at the mention of Yoko, Jemaine felt his chest tighten, “but then you started going on dates with them? Jesus, why is it taking you two so fuckin' long to connect the dots? He likes you, you like him. It's fairly fuckin' simple”
Jemaine shook his head nervously and swallowed several times.
“No... we're not... you've got it completely... that's not true,” he mumbled almost incomprehensibly.
“You're not fooling anyone, you know,” said Dave calmly.
That hurt, coming from this-is-definitely-not-my-mother Dave. But it was just ridiculous! Bret was just his friend that he lived with and made music with and cooked for and went on dates with sometimes and oh shit Dave was right. Somehow, going on dates with Bret and his girl of the month had never struck him as a bit gay before now.
He'd often thought that it would be better if neither of them ever got girlfriends, like Murray said, and just hung out and wrote songs together. He loved living with Bret and being with him all the time. He was just so easy to like, with his animal jumpers and his smiley face. And his hair and eyes and the way his jeans fitted him when he bent over to pick something up. Was that a bit gay? He'd never questioned it before.
And when Bret had a new girlfriend, he'd get so jealous of her for stealing him away, and all he would be able to think about would be the two of them having sex. Which would get him half hard and he'd have to think about gardening programmes until it went away.
Dave took in his blushing face and patted him on the shoulder again, more gently.
“Don't worry I won't tell him. But you should, you New Zealand faggot,” he said
“New Zealand,” Jemaine said automatically, before looking back at Dave, puzzled, who shrugged.
“Process of elimination, I was bound to get it eventually,” he smiled, “Do me a favour and go and make out with your secret boyfriend. The fuckin' sexual tension between you two is going to fucking turn me into a chick, with all this fuckin' oestrogen floating around.”
Jemaine blushed and nodded, before leaving the shop hurriedly.