you know who you are

[beaniechick]

i don't know wtf u said 2 him last nite but apparently it was enuf 4 him to hate me now. he says you told him everything, and i'm just confused as to what exactly you had to tell him. all i ever wanted in my life was exactly what i had with him and it took every ounce of strength in my body to try to let him go because i thought it was what he

Comments

[anonymous]

he's a pussy .. he hasn't even talked to me in almost a month now. apparently i was the one who broke his heart tho, even tho i was left wondering what i did or said or even if he's just really depressed about something and doesn't think i should be in his life right now. i know the kid loves me, which is the worst part because he won't even let himself be happy .. he thinks i'm always upset or smn when i'm not, that he's not good enuf 4 me or smn. so anyways he just stopped calling. w/e man .. so finally when i get over myself and this funk he left me in, i get a text message saying that he hates me and that you told him "everything" ~ whatever the hell that is. fuck him, i gave him the best 6 mos. of my life (4 real they were) and he left this empty shell of me crying every night just wondering if he would EVER IN FACT PICK UP THE G.D. PHONE. Apparently not. He sent a bunch more texts that said that he had lost respect 4 me and that u & him talked. Also that he had moved on and "fuck you jill"

Well I guess that's the closure i wanted .. well, needed .. i never wanted things to end with him. he showed me love like i never knew it could be. i only wish i had done the same for him.

look, sorry i believed him. i knew something was f'ed up cuz there's no reason he has to hate me. so fucked up that i think you're cool -- always have -- and this is the b.s. i always end up posting to you about. whatever ... if you ever DO see him tell him i said "fuck you back atcha."

JJ

[loveis4suckers]

yeah dude,i was like "what the hell is she talking about?"
i talked to rob the other day..asking if u and john were still together. rob said u guys pretty much ended a while ago. i asked him why u and i werent allowed to talk. he laughed. i told him i would have gone to his house to see if john was there that one nite for u b/c ur a really cool chick. he was shocked and said "wait,u guys are friends,u talk? u guys are tight dogs?!?!" i said that we dont hang out,but i think ur a cool chick and we talk all the time. and we talk bc we werent allowed. only makes us wanna talk more u know? haha.

are u and i okay then?

[beaniechick]

well, that's definitely what happened then .. ok so HE'S the LIAR, not me. Well well well. I promised John that I wouldn't let u post in my lj because it could get traced back to him (um yea, just his SHEER PARANOIA talking there) and I also said that I would never let my username show up on yours either. He was worried cuz nick was a friend of yours and he got pissed when u added me cuz then if someone was reading your journal and clicked on "Friends" they could see my entries. So that's when I made everything Friends-only. Such fucking drama and I did this all for HIM. I didn't give 2 shits if his friends ever read my journal but he did, so that was cool w/me.

I wouldn't have said that we talked all the time, I only have seen u online a few times and basically I was just telling u the deal about not posting in my journal and the whole anon thingy. The 1 time we im'ed about him being at Rob's was right around the time I thought John was DEAD because he was too much of a PUSSY to pick up the phone to "break up" w/me. But I was the one who broke his heart.

Man I wish I was a dude for 5 seconds so I could tell John Rotten to SUCK MY DICK. All I ever did for him was to try to be there for him more than he wanted me, but in the end all I wanted was to stay w/him and he makes me out to be the one who ended this? Everything I wanted? Everything HE PROMISED ME??? Everything I still can't figure out why I don't have?

Fuck misery. I'm through being sorry for a man who obviously doesn't care enuf about me to get the TRUTH -- or give it for that matter. If Rob actually thought we were "tight dogs" then for sure we're gonna get this matter straightened out, right? Like he's gonna tell me that he heard this from you and I'm not gonna just bitch you out for it? Whatever .. I guess we are tight dogs .. cuz this has made me believe you more than I believe him, and he could really do no wrong in my eyes.

It hurts but each day gets easier. Yea, cool.

Later,
JJ

[loveis4suckers]

im really sorry about all thats happened. its pretty lame that he's using me as the scapegoat or whatever. u know how u told me if i see him to tell him to "fuck off" for u? i dont think if i saw him,id even say one word to him. thats effing bo-gus that not only did he put words in my mouth,but yeah,hi,he and i never even talked.

question right fast though,didnt u think it was a little weird that u and i werent allowed to talk? that we werent allowed to be livejournal friends? what was the big deal if say,fat nick,saw that u and i talked? i just dont get it.its not like i know some huge secret about him or something. lame lame lame.

[beaniechick]

whatev. man i'm the type of chick to love with my heart and not with my head. perhaps that's not the best way to go, but i don't think it's possible for me to love any1 more than i did him. the man just did it 4 me, and after everything that he told me about why we broke up i hate myself for not making that more apparent. i did think it was weird, just like i thought it was "weird" that he didn't do this or do that or whatever .. but at the end of the day he would wrap his arms around me and run his fingers through my hair and the pains of the day and life and bitchiness would go away.

i am a bitch every other second of the day, i really just liked being w/him cuz i felt so relaxed. life has never been so enjoyable or easy. so i didn't give a shit about the boys not reading my journal or even about him having to have "guy time" w/them or whatnot. i trusted him and i don't think i really trust in anything anymore. but i was the 1 to ruin that 4 myself. i deny it but i did give him all of me so there's not much left to help me pick up all the pieces i dropped when everything got all effed up.

i'm the calmest i've ever been .. very unusual 4 me. i just hope the man finds someone to love him like i did. otherwise i'll never be happy.

JJ

oh, yea .. no words would DEFINITELY be a good thing. words are weapons and i think he's been hurt enough. we all have.