everyone always told me not to trust him ...
To sum it all up, "I can't believe it." I feel like I am living a life that is not really real, this must be a dream, a nightmare, this cannot be happening ... "I just can't believe it." All this time ... everything he said, everything he did, everytime he touched me, every time was a lie, all of it was just one big lie, a game he was playing with me, and I am the loser.
He looked into my eyes and told me we had never been together, we had never had sex, never, he told me that I was fucking up his life, that I needed to just leave him alone like he had been saying all along. The only problem was he had not been saying that all along, in fact, he never said anything of the sort. It was because of her, because she was standing right there, the girlfriend, the girl he claimed he was not with (to me of course), he made his decision the second we both walked up to him, he knew I am strong, he knew his game with me was over, he wasn't even going to try, so instead he denied everything, told her he loved her and had always been with her. The lies. All it was just lies. He became a stranger right before my very eyes. I was looking at the guy I had known for years, my best friend for the past four years, and the one and only guy I have ever trusted and fell for, really fell for, but I was not seeing this guy anymore, I was looking at a stranger. The guy who used to call me in the morning to wake me up, "morning gorgeous," the guy who used to come and visit me at work, just to say hi, the guy who used to look into my eyes when we were together, the guy who held me and laid his head on my tummy after we made love, but we didn't, we fucked, that's all it ever was. The guy who told me he recorded my favorite song on a cd, the song we played the first time we ever had sex, he told me listened to it on the mountain when he was snowboarding because it pumped him up so much, because of me. But who was that guy before me last night? The guy I knew does not exist, it was all lies.
I hate him. I hate him. And I hate myself for being controlled by him for so long. I am numb, I want to disappear, go away, leave and never come back. I hate him. I don't care about him. I don't ever want to see him again, I hope he goes to hell. I used to love him so much I would wish the best for him, hope he was happy, but not anymore, I do not love him, I love what I thought he was, and it was just all one big lie .... "I just can't believe it."
He looked into my eyes and told me we had never been together, we had never had sex, never, he told me that I was fucking up his life, that I needed to just leave him alone like he had been saying all along. The only problem was he had not been saying that all along, in fact, he never said anything of the sort. It was because of her, because she was standing right there, the girlfriend, the girl he claimed he was not with (to me of course), he made his decision the second we both walked up to him, he knew I am strong, he knew his game with me was over, he wasn't even going to try, so instead he denied everything, told her he loved her and had always been with her. The lies. All it was just lies. He became a stranger right before my very eyes. I was looking at the guy I had known for years, my best friend for the past four years, and the one and only guy I have ever trusted and fell for, really fell for, but I was not seeing this guy anymore, I was looking at a stranger. The guy who used to call me in the morning to wake me up, "morning gorgeous," the guy who used to come and visit me at work, just to say hi, the guy who used to look into my eyes when we were together, the guy who held me and laid his head on my tummy after we made love, but we didn't, we fucked, that's all it ever was. The guy who told me he recorded my favorite song on a cd, the song we played the first time we ever had sex, he told me listened to it on the mountain when he was snowboarding because it pumped him up so much, because of me. But who was that guy before me last night? The guy I knew does not exist, it was all lies.
I hate him. I hate him. And I hate myself for being controlled by him for so long. I am numb, I want to disappear, go away, leave and never come back. I hate him. I don't care about him. I don't ever want to see him again, I hope he goes to hell. I used to love him so much I would wish the best for him, hope he was happy, but not anymore, I do not love him, I love what I thought he was, and it was just all one big lie .... "I just can't believe it."