it's been awhile
It's been awhile since I wrote ... so here I am. :)
I'm home now, back in good old Washington. But what is home? Sometimes I don't think that this feels like it. Home is where the heart is, well I'm not sure where my heart is, I know my family is here and that makes it feel more like home than when I'm away in Arizona, but what about my friends? Of course, all of my high school buddies are here, but when you don't hang out with someone(s) for a year, you change, they change, things change and it's just weird. I miss my friends in Arizona, but am trying to ignore the fact that one of them won't be there when I get back. I have a feeling that that's going to make things much harder for me there. But what can you do? That's life right? People drift in and out and you just have to deal with it. We said our goodbyes which felt like "see ya later," but I couldn't hold back the tears because I knew wouldn't just be seeing her later, I was saying goodbye to my best friend that I had seen almost every day for the past year, told everything for the past year, and shared a lot of laughs, cries, loves, hookups (hehe) and heartbreaks with over the past year. Friends forever, right?
Home is just weirdddd. Does anyone else feel that way? After being away, it's like I come back and who are these people? Is this the town I grew up in? I don't like this house, I miss my home, why does everything have to change. Dang it. (haha) Dang it, dang it, dang it. Oh, and besides being stuck in transition, not feeling "at home," hanging out with old friends that kind of feel like strangers, I'm un-employed, NO JOB. NO JOB. NONE. And my mom keeps telling me that it's ok not to work, to just try to get a job, and not worry about it too much, easy for herrrrr to say. I'm the one with no job, which means no money which really sucks because it's not like I can ask my mom for money for coffee and food (eating out) and alcohol (those aren't necesities ya know and they are definitely not something a parent should pay for for their child). It's been so long since I didn't have a job, and time seems to endlessly stretch before me. Even if I hate working, or hate my job, I'd rather HAVE ONE. I'm the epitamy of the unemployed and I HATE IT!
Anyhow ... I gave into Matt, he's a douchebag, Tony isn't a virgin anymore he's becoming a typical guy, Mitch is still the sweetest guy in the world (although his number has gone up some...), Hanna is pregnant, Cindy hasn't even hung out with me yet, Laura didn't call when she said she would, Ben is still in school busy with his FRAT, Dezmon isn't coming home for the summer, Dezmon's good friend Isaac hit on me the other night at a party, Jacob keeps calling and not calling, then calling again, Ashley is a badass, thank God for her, my sister is barely talking to me, my mom is constantly trying to make me happy and telling me how to eat, my dog sleeps on my mom's bed now, it's cold here, my car needs new tires, I'm broke, BROKE, BROKE, BROKE, and things are just WEIRDDDDDD. PS it's only 8 AM and I've already gone to the gym, boredom + stress = no sleep.
Oh well, what are ya gonna do??!! :o)