"...I'm competitive by nature."
The one area where I tend to be just a bit too oversensitive is my work.
I use the term "work" broadly, since the meaning varies depending on my circumstances. But regardless of where I'm working, or what I'm working at, I want to be the best. I want to be the fastest, the most accurate, the smartest, the one who's always one step ahead, the one who thinks of EVERYTHING. I want to be the one who appears almost magical. I want to be invaluable. I want to be the genius.
Naturally, of course, this isn't possible in the real world most of the time.
So failing the above, I want to be AT LEAST as good as everyone else. And to make up for the rest, I'm sure to put in the longest hours. If nothing else, I'll be breathing air in work space more than anyone else.
So when I pick up even the SLIGHTEST vibe that someone thinks I'm not as good an employee in some area I've worked hard to master, I get rather down. (Understand that this doesn't apply to areas that I generally don't cover/haven't been trained in, because that's silly. The kitchen, for example, is one area where I will defer to many other people, because I was never properly trained there.)
Sometimes I think I'm picking up those vibes.
I can read way too much into things sometimes.
During some recent weekends, the Boss's Daughter (BD) - who unofficially shares head supervisor position with me, although neither of us carry that title - has taken to having me swap places with another coworker, H, so that H can go on rail (and make the tacos), while I take her place on till.
I was a cashier at this store for almost two solid years. I KNOW I know the position - I know I'm one of the best. Rail, however, is a newer position for me, and one I've only taken on more fully since our old night manager left in July. (And that basically irreplaceable night manager? Oh, happens to be my aunt.)
I'm always looking to our hourly totals at the end of the night so I have a sense of what money I can make the store alone on rail. It always makes me flinch to think that I am not holding my own as one of the remaining better rail people.
Needless to say, I don't like someone with less seniority swapping positions with me for dinner hours - particularly not during WEEKEND dinner hours, when we're crazy busy. It suggests - or has suggested to me - that BD doesn't believe I'm as fast as H. I believe I AM faster than her, and so I've been trying to ignore this recent development as just BD trying to train H more in the rail position.
So I've said nothing.
Yesterday, I was on rail with H when another supervisor, L, got back from her break. L relieved H on rail and automatically took up what we call the "cold" side, i.e. cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, sauces and garnishes. Generally, the less-senior employee takes the cold side because "hot" or "steam" side is the control center of the rail - the person who starts off the order is the one who takes the orders, directs who the finished orders go out to, and otherwise controls the flow of traffic.
Boss Lady immediately came to the front and ordered L to swap places with me - to take steam, that is, and slide me down to cold.
I said nothing.
This morning when I came in, I took my position beside Boss Lady on cold. (Never mind she's the boss...Boss Lady needs to take steam as often as possible because she has arthritis, and has trouble rolling the burritos up and wrapping them.)
When H came on...I was told to slide to "third rail," the farthest cold position, while H took the middle.
I said nothing.
This afternoon on rail, BD informed me that she was bumping me to till for the night, and H was coming on rail.
I said nothing.
When my boss went to leave for the day, however, I chased her down and asked if I could talk to her for just one moment. We went out into the back hallway; which, given our dinky mall food court store, is the only place anywhere near private to talk.
"I just wanted to know...is there something I'm doing on steam that bothers you?" I phrased this question carefully.
The Boss Lady just stared at me. "No, everything you do is fine. Why would you ask that?"
"Oh, it's just...yesterday, when L came back from her break, she was going to take cold, and then you told her to switch with me. So I figured I should ask...if I'm doing something wrong..."
She gave me an "oh!" look. "No, it's just that...you roll MUCH faster than L does. She does better on steam...it's the best place for her on rail. It's not about you. You're fine in either position. But if I put you on cold, you roll faster and the orders flow better."
I thanked her ("I just figured I should ask, that's all") and went back to work.
A little later on rail, I made the casual passing comment to BD, "So we're going to give H a break on till tonight, you figure?"
"Oh, yeah! And that way you get a break from rail." Chipper.
[My coworkers and I have yet to establish that after two-plus years of nothing but till, I do not NEED a "break" from rail. I willingly work in any position, of course...but I don't need a break from the position that ISN'T two years old.]
"Okay." I dusted cheese scraps into the rail with my cleaning cloth.
"I like H on rail on Saturdays. She gets more practice, and she's organized and gets everything cleaned for the night like you. And I really like you on till on Saturdays...you control the flow of traffic better."
I dusted bits of lettuce into the rail as well to the tune of a self-directed mental scolding - jesus, you need to chill sometimes - and I said nothing.
I use the term "work" broadly, since the meaning varies depending on my circumstances. But regardless of where I'm working, or what I'm working at, I want to be the best. I want to be the fastest, the most accurate, the smartest, the one who's always one step ahead, the one who thinks of EVERYTHING. I want to be the one who appears almost magical. I want to be invaluable. I want to be the genius.
Naturally, of course, this isn't possible in the real world most of the time.
So failing the above, I want to be AT LEAST as good as everyone else. And to make up for the rest, I'm sure to put in the longest hours. If nothing else, I'll be breathing air in work space more than anyone else.
So when I pick up even the SLIGHTEST vibe that someone thinks I'm not as good an employee in some area I've worked hard to master, I get rather down. (Understand that this doesn't apply to areas that I generally don't cover/haven't been trained in, because that's silly. The kitchen, for example, is one area where I will defer to many other people, because I was never properly trained there.)
Sometimes I think I'm picking up those vibes.
I can read way too much into things sometimes.
During some recent weekends, the Boss's Daughter (BD) - who unofficially shares head supervisor position with me, although neither of us carry that title - has taken to having me swap places with another coworker, H, so that H can go on rail (and make the tacos), while I take her place on till.
I was a cashier at this store for almost two solid years. I KNOW I know the position - I know I'm one of the best. Rail, however, is a newer position for me, and one I've only taken on more fully since our old night manager left in July. (And that basically irreplaceable night manager? Oh, happens to be my aunt.)
I'm always looking to our hourly totals at the end of the night so I have a sense of what money I can make the store alone on rail. It always makes me flinch to think that I am not holding my own as one of the remaining better rail people.
Needless to say, I don't like someone with less seniority swapping positions with me for dinner hours - particularly not during WEEKEND dinner hours, when we're crazy busy. It suggests - or has suggested to me - that BD doesn't believe I'm as fast as H. I believe I AM faster than her, and so I've been trying to ignore this recent development as just BD trying to train H more in the rail position.
So I've said nothing.
Yesterday, I was on rail with H when another supervisor, L, got back from her break. L relieved H on rail and automatically took up what we call the "cold" side, i.e. cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, sauces and garnishes. Generally, the less-senior employee takes the cold side because "hot" or "steam" side is the control center of the rail - the person who starts off the order is the one who takes the orders, directs who the finished orders go out to, and otherwise controls the flow of traffic.
Boss Lady immediately came to the front and ordered L to swap places with me - to take steam, that is, and slide me down to cold.
I said nothing.
This morning when I came in, I took my position beside Boss Lady on cold. (Never mind she's the boss...Boss Lady needs to take steam as often as possible because she has arthritis, and has trouble rolling the burritos up and wrapping them.)
When H came on...I was told to slide to "third rail," the farthest cold position, while H took the middle.
I said nothing.
This afternoon on rail, BD informed me that she was bumping me to till for the night, and H was coming on rail.
I said nothing.
When my boss went to leave for the day, however, I chased her down and asked if I could talk to her for just one moment. We went out into the back hallway; which, given our dinky mall food court store, is the only place anywhere near private to talk.
"I just wanted to know...is there something I'm doing on steam that bothers you?" I phrased this question carefully.
The Boss Lady just stared at me. "No, everything you do is fine. Why would you ask that?"
"Oh, it's just...yesterday, when L came back from her break, she was going to take cold, and then you told her to switch with me. So I figured I should ask...if I'm doing something wrong..."
She gave me an "oh!" look. "No, it's just that...you roll MUCH faster than L does. She does better on steam...it's the best place for her on rail. It's not about you. You're fine in either position. But if I put you on cold, you roll faster and the orders flow better."
I thanked her ("I just figured I should ask, that's all") and went back to work.
A little later on rail, I made the casual passing comment to BD, "So we're going to give H a break on till tonight, you figure?"
"Oh, yeah! And that way you get a break from rail." Chipper.
[My coworkers and I have yet to establish that after two-plus years of nothing but till, I do not NEED a "break" from rail. I willingly work in any position, of course...but I don't need a break from the position that ISN'T two years old.]
"Okay." I dusted cheese scraps into the rail with my cleaning cloth.
"I like H on rail on Saturdays. She gets more practice, and she's organized and gets everything cleaned for the night like you. And I really like you on till on Saturdays...you control the flow of traffic better."
I dusted bits of lettuce into the rail as well to the tune of a self-directed mental scolding - jesus, you need to chill sometimes - and I said nothing.