REGRET REGRETS
I hit my head really hard this morning as I was entering the car. By evening, it was still hurting that I got worried that what if it was severe and fatal (paranoid much, I know) and that what if my life was only up to that point. I came to thinking about regrets. I don't know why, but regrets have been teasing my thoughts lately. Maybe it's a reminder to never take things for granted.. maybe it's to steer life back on track.. or maybe it's just the pang of the possibilities of the what might've been coz let's face it, when we think of the what might've beens, they always seem sunnier and have greener grass.
My friends and I were talking about regrets recently... and we agreed that regret becomes more "acceptable" when we come to terms that had we chosen this regret, the other things going on in our life might not have happened. I mean personally, this is a much better argument as compared to the no use regretting coz it's in the past cliche (although it's true as well).
I guess it just has to be accepted, it did/didn't happen and this is your life right now - deal with it. I have 3 regrets in life, the top 2 being as is already while the third one seems to have a life of it's own, haha. And the thing about this particular regret is that it has never quite settled on its gravity, it keeps on fluctuating and dancing in the border line. It's the biggest and at the same time smallest "what if" in my life. The hassle of it all is that this regret has the worst timing ever. Sometimes it's just for a sec, sometimes it's for a day, but always when I'm offguard. When it strikes, I find myself questioning it.. and when I find myself victorious in the sense that I think I've rid myself of the regret by using logic, my reasons, no matter how seemingly stable, crumble because of this unknown feeling towards it I myself can't explain. Thus the repeat of this process. Crazy. I guess it has and will always be there. It's just its unsettled weight that unsettles me.
Maybe the internal struggle says everything about this regret. Maybe it has catapaulted into where it is now because I keep analyzing the why and the how and I can't come up with anything to explain it or to silence it the way I do most "regrets" (see, they're no longer regrets!!). Or maybe it's just not yet time for me to figure this out. Or maybe it's Ocamm's razor and the answer is always the simplest. Maybe I should stop complaining it makes no sense when in fact it makes perfect sense. Or maybe I just need to go back to sleep, haha
My friends and I were talking about regrets recently... and we agreed that regret becomes more "acceptable" when we come to terms that had we chosen this regret, the other things going on in our life might not have happened. I mean personally, this is a much better argument as compared to the no use regretting coz it's in the past cliche (although it's true as well).
I guess it just has to be accepted, it did/didn't happen and this is your life right now - deal with it. I have 3 regrets in life, the top 2 being as is already while the third one seems to have a life of it's own, haha. And the thing about this particular regret is that it has never quite settled on its gravity, it keeps on fluctuating and dancing in the border line. It's the biggest and at the same time smallest "what if" in my life. The hassle of it all is that this regret has the worst timing ever. Sometimes it's just for a sec, sometimes it's for a day, but always when I'm offguard. When it strikes, I find myself questioning it.. and when I find myself victorious in the sense that I think I've rid myself of the regret by using logic, my reasons, no matter how seemingly stable, crumble because of this unknown feeling towards it I myself can't explain. Thus the repeat of this process. Crazy. I guess it has and will always be there. It's just its unsettled weight that unsettles me.
Maybe the internal struggle says everything about this regret. Maybe it has catapaulted into where it is now because I keep analyzing the why and the how and I can't come up with anything to explain it or to silence it the way I do most "regrets" (see, they're no longer regrets!!). Or maybe it's just not yet time for me to figure this out. Or maybe it's Ocamm's razor and the answer is always the simplest. Maybe I should stop complaining it makes no sense when in fact it makes perfect sense. Or maybe I just need to go back to sleep, haha