Self psychosis.
Why is it that, weekend after weekend, I can perform a monologue I wrote myself in front of 100 or so people with only minimal worry, but the second I perform a monologue by David Mamet in front of three people I spend half of the time fighting back the urge to puddle into a quivering jellied nerve mess?
My audition this evening went pretty well, all things considered, but I can't stand the way my subconscious horsewhips my adrenal gland every time I dare to audition in the first place. It's just a performance, and all performances are judged in one way or another. If I bomb the audition, I don't get a job. If I bomb a performance, I don't get that intoxicating audience reaction. Why is the former so much more frightening?
My audition this evening went pretty well, all things considered, but I can't stand the way my subconscious horsewhips my adrenal gland every time I dare to audition in the first place. It's just a performance, and all performances are judged in one way or another. If I bomb the audition, I don't get a job. If I bomb a performance, I don't get that intoxicating audience reaction. Why is the former so much more frightening?