Watashi ni ijou ga aru. 私に異常がある。
"There is something wrong with me."
In theory the Japanese is right. I typed the sentence I wanted into Google translate because I didn't feel like translating it. Then again, I don't feel like doing much of anything these days. I need to get a job, earn some money to support myself, do something with my life, all that jazz... but there's something stopping me. I don't know what it is. It's like a giant blob of blah invaded my system because I'm so unmotivated to do anything it isn't funny. Even correcting my typing is taking more oomph than I have, and when I want to type correctly, I can't make a mistake or I go nuts. That's how bad it is. I'm like in a fog or something. I sleep just fine but I can't wake up in the morning. No energy to do stuff. Constantly tired. I can't seem to focus and I zone out a lot, like just randomly staring at things until I realize I'm doing it. I can't remember details very well, and any thoughts that I want to remember I tend to immediately forget, it seems. Worst of all, I'm moody as all get out. I've been moody for about a week and a half. Like flipping a switch, I can be fine one minute, irritated beyond belief and biting people's heads off the next, crying because I bit someone's head off the minute after that. I've been calling myself a "bitchosaurus" and the term definitely fits. Stress could be a factor but I've been stressed A LOT these past months so I've been disregarding it. I'm really hoping it's just a "hormones out of whack" thing, because that's solvable. If it's not that, then the doctors had better be able to fix whatever it is, because I can't live like this. I'm miserable and when I'm miserable, I tend to make my family miserable too. Misery loves company, all that stuff.
Also not helping is the fact that Hurricane Irene is about to pound the crap out of the East Coast. It wouldn't be a problem except that Brandon is now in Maine, and the storm is gonna track right over Maine. Worst of all is that it's moving so that he's going to be in the right section of it, the stronger part. Not only that, his new place is like right on the beach, so there's a threat of storm surge if it doesn't weaken that much. At minimum I'm seeing it being a tropical storm, and even those can pummel. Tropical Storm Allison, anyone? So yeah, I'm unintentionally worrying, even though the dang thing isn't even supposed to be up there until Saturday night or Sunday-ish. I keep trying to tell myself there's nothing I can do about it, but it doesn't seem to help much. All I can hope for is that I get something that'll help me at my appointment next week, and that my boyfriend will have enough common sense to get to higher ground if need be.
By the way, if this post doesn't have the same pizzazz that they usually do, it's because Mom suggested I free-write to try to clear everything out a bit. Not sure if I'm doing it right or not, or if it's even helping, but who knows.
Anyway, so yeah, Brandon is now in Maine for grad school. He went to Alaska and came back a couple days before we were to leave for Wisconsin from our vacation in PA. I heard from him and through correspondence with him, we were able to detour up to Conneaut to see him and his family. We had a short but really nice time with them. He showed us some of the pictures he took while he was there, and said that one of the best parts was the helicopter ride. From the sounds of it, he's not too thrilled to go back a second time.
Also fun while we were back east, we got to see Aunt Mary Lynne and Alexa. Holy crap, Alexa is 15 and driving already. It's scary but at the same time I love it, because we reconnected on a whole 'nother level. She said that I became a lot more awesome, so that was really cool. She also said that they thought it would be fun to visit WI sometime, and man would that be epic. Also epic was the game of Apples To Apples that we played. Alexa, Aunt Mary Lynne, Uncle Mark, Mom and me. Crazy combination. Best set of the night was "Whipped cream, Corn on the cob, and Thanksgiving Day" played on the "Sexy" card, to Alexa no less. Mom said "Don't tell your mother we're corrupting you." I love my family.
We also saw Grandma T and Uncle Howard. Gram is still in the nursing home after many a trip back and forth from hospital to said home, so we went to see her every day we were in C-burg. As per the usual, my nose went nuts. I'm really allergic to the atmosphere in Canonsburg, I guess. (And that's even with the prescription Zyrtec I have. [Man, Zyrtec is really hard to spell.]) Now that I'm older and grown up a lot more, I've realized how small that house really is. It was so small I felt claustrophobic, and I'm not. I was really happy to get out of there, actually. Does that make me a bad person?
Has anyone who may read this played Super Mario Galaxy 2? I've become slightly addicted to it. Only slightly. We've had the game since around the time it came out, and Dad played it for the most part. It was only recently that I decided it looked like fun and decided to try it out for myself. There are 6 worlds and I finished it all in about half the time (I guess?). There's only a little that I haven't done yet, and it's gonna take me a while to do, I have a feeling.
Well since I can't nail down the floater thoughts in my head, I'll sign off for now. I hope this free write thing helps, provided I'm doing it right. I also hope I get good meds or something. *hope hope hope...*
In theory the Japanese is right. I typed the sentence I wanted into Google translate because I didn't feel like translating it. Then again, I don't feel like doing much of anything these days. I need to get a job, earn some money to support myself, do something with my life, all that jazz... but there's something stopping me. I don't know what it is. It's like a giant blob of blah invaded my system because I'm so unmotivated to do anything it isn't funny. Even correcting my typing is taking more oomph than I have, and when I want to type correctly, I can't make a mistake or I go nuts. That's how bad it is. I'm like in a fog or something. I sleep just fine but I can't wake up in the morning. No energy to do stuff. Constantly tired. I can't seem to focus and I zone out a lot, like just randomly staring at things until I realize I'm doing it. I can't remember details very well, and any thoughts that I want to remember I tend to immediately forget, it seems. Worst of all, I'm moody as all get out. I've been moody for about a week and a half. Like flipping a switch, I can be fine one minute, irritated beyond belief and biting people's heads off the next, crying because I bit someone's head off the minute after that. I've been calling myself a "bitchosaurus" and the term definitely fits. Stress could be a factor but I've been stressed A LOT these past months so I've been disregarding it. I'm really hoping it's just a "hormones out of whack" thing, because that's solvable. If it's not that, then the doctors had better be able to fix whatever it is, because I can't live like this. I'm miserable and when I'm miserable, I tend to make my family miserable too. Misery loves company, all that stuff.
Also not helping is the fact that Hurricane Irene is about to pound the crap out of the East Coast. It wouldn't be a problem except that Brandon is now in Maine, and the storm is gonna track right over Maine. Worst of all is that it's moving so that he's going to be in the right section of it, the stronger part. Not only that, his new place is like right on the beach, so there's a threat of storm surge if it doesn't weaken that much. At minimum I'm seeing it being a tropical storm, and even those can pummel. Tropical Storm Allison, anyone? So yeah, I'm unintentionally worrying, even though the dang thing isn't even supposed to be up there until Saturday night or Sunday-ish. I keep trying to tell myself there's nothing I can do about it, but it doesn't seem to help much. All I can hope for is that I get something that'll help me at my appointment next week, and that my boyfriend will have enough common sense to get to higher ground if need be.
By the way, if this post doesn't have the same pizzazz that they usually do, it's because Mom suggested I free-write to try to clear everything out a bit. Not sure if I'm doing it right or not, or if it's even helping, but who knows.
Anyway, so yeah, Brandon is now in Maine for grad school. He went to Alaska and came back a couple days before we were to leave for Wisconsin from our vacation in PA. I heard from him and through correspondence with him, we were able to detour up to Conneaut to see him and his family. We had a short but really nice time with them. He showed us some of the pictures he took while he was there, and said that one of the best parts was the helicopter ride. From the sounds of it, he's not too thrilled to go back a second time.
Also fun while we were back east, we got to see Aunt Mary Lynne and Alexa. Holy crap, Alexa is 15 and driving already. It's scary but at the same time I love it, because we reconnected on a whole 'nother level. She said that I became a lot more awesome, so that was really cool. She also said that they thought it would be fun to visit WI sometime, and man would that be epic. Also epic was the game of Apples To Apples that we played. Alexa, Aunt Mary Lynne, Uncle Mark, Mom and me. Crazy combination. Best set of the night was "Whipped cream, Corn on the cob, and Thanksgiving Day" played on the "Sexy" card, to Alexa no less. Mom said "Don't tell your mother we're corrupting you." I love my family.
We also saw Grandma T and Uncle Howard. Gram is still in the nursing home after many a trip back and forth from hospital to said home, so we went to see her every day we were in C-burg. As per the usual, my nose went nuts. I'm really allergic to the atmosphere in Canonsburg, I guess. (And that's even with the prescription Zyrtec I have. [Man, Zyrtec is really hard to spell.]) Now that I'm older and grown up a lot more, I've realized how small that house really is. It was so small I felt claustrophobic, and I'm not. I was really happy to get out of there, actually. Does that make me a bad person?
Has anyone who may read this played Super Mario Galaxy 2? I've become slightly addicted to it. Only slightly. We've had the game since around the time it came out, and Dad played it for the most part. It was only recently that I decided it looked like fun and decided to try it out for myself. There are 6 worlds and I finished it all in about half the time (I guess?). There's only a little that I haven't done yet, and it's gonna take me a while to do, I have a feeling.
Well since I can't nail down the floater thoughts in my head, I'll sign off for now. I hope this free write thing helps, provided I'm doing it right. I also hope I get good meds or something. *hope hope hope...*