deja vu
baekhyun/jongdae
pg-13 | ~535 words
He remembers separate promotions being hard, but not this hard.
It's funny how similar situations can be so different, Baekhyun thinks as he signs out from Skype and turns off his laptop. He lies in bed, tired but very much awake, over-thinking. He remembers separate promotions being hard, but not this hard.
"We'll get by," Baekhyun remembers Jongdae's voice, warm and assuring on a bright March afternoon. "We've done this before."
The last time they had separate promotions, there was a lot of missing from both ends. Baekhyun missing his smile, Jongdae missing his kiss. Hour-long international calls and late-night texting were additional parts of their already busy schedule, but never a burden.
"We've done this before," Baekhyun can still feel the sting of coldness in Jongdae's tone, uninterested and distant, one midnight near the end of April. "I'm going to bed."
This time, there is a lot of missing from both ends. Baekhyun missing his laugh, Jongdae missing their Skype sessions. Conversations are cut short, texts are curt and detached. Brief and burdensome.
"Hey," Jongdae greeted. His grin was bright and blinding, and Baekhyun could only gape, confused because Jongdae was supposed to be in China, not in K's dorm holding a cake with a single candle on top. "Happy birthday," he whispered sweetly, bringing the cake up for Baekhyun to blow the candle. He placed the cake on the kitchen counter and pulled Baekhyun into a kiss, long and deep, and there were tears in Baekhyun's eyes. He didn't think he deserved Jongdae.
Wolf promotion was a relief, as Jongdae latched himself as close as possible to Baekhyun, happy to be back, enjoying the physical touches he could only dreamed about during Mama. Growl promotion was a blessing, with all the excuses to touch Jongdae on national television in the name of fan service. But the happiness was mainly from being able to be together, for being able to actually kiss Jongdae instead of a monitor showing his face.
"Hey," Jongdae greets. He tries, but Baekhyun can tell how much he'd rather be somewhere else. Baekhyun smiles anyway. "Happy birthday," he says, placing a kiss on his cheek, short and reluctant. There are tears in his eyes and Baekhyun thinks that maybe Jongdae finally realized that he can do better.
Overdose is too much to bear, with Jongdae so close but not so much, there but never present. Even when they meet, Jongdae would project the nonexistent physical distance in his eyes-never focusing, always distracted. Baekhyun can tell, of course Baekhyun can tell, they've been together for three years now. Maybe three years is already too long.
Baekhyun supposes that things change, and things change for a reason. But Baekhyun is never one to handle changes well, especially when the change comes in the form of a once-warm Jongdae telling him coldly that yes, that's true, I'm unhappy, what are you going to do about it. And how would Baekhyun answer-he no longer knows what happiness is, as the man who once defined it is now standing in front of him, rigid, telling him goodbye without actually saying the word.
I don't know if you realize, but the things that make you happy no longer include me.
pg-13 | ~535 words
He remembers separate promotions being hard, but not this hard.
It's funny how similar situations can be so different, Baekhyun thinks as he signs out from Skype and turns off his laptop. He lies in bed, tired but very much awake, over-thinking. He remembers separate promotions being hard, but not this hard.
"We'll get by," Baekhyun remembers Jongdae's voice, warm and assuring on a bright March afternoon. "We've done this before."
The last time they had separate promotions, there was a lot of missing from both ends. Baekhyun missing his smile, Jongdae missing his kiss. Hour-long international calls and late-night texting were additional parts of their already busy schedule, but never a burden.
"We've done this before," Baekhyun can still feel the sting of coldness in Jongdae's tone, uninterested and distant, one midnight near the end of April. "I'm going to bed."
This time, there is a lot of missing from both ends. Baekhyun missing his laugh, Jongdae missing their Skype sessions. Conversations are cut short, texts are curt and detached. Brief and burdensome.
"Hey," Jongdae greeted. His grin was bright and blinding, and Baekhyun could only gape, confused because Jongdae was supposed to be in China, not in K's dorm holding a cake with a single candle on top. "Happy birthday," he whispered sweetly, bringing the cake up for Baekhyun to blow the candle. He placed the cake on the kitchen counter and pulled Baekhyun into a kiss, long and deep, and there were tears in Baekhyun's eyes. He didn't think he deserved Jongdae.
Wolf promotion was a relief, as Jongdae latched himself as close as possible to Baekhyun, happy to be back, enjoying the physical touches he could only dreamed about during Mama. Growl promotion was a blessing, with all the excuses to touch Jongdae on national television in the name of fan service. But the happiness was mainly from being able to be together, for being able to actually kiss Jongdae instead of a monitor showing his face.
"Hey," Jongdae greets. He tries, but Baekhyun can tell how much he'd rather be somewhere else. Baekhyun smiles anyway. "Happy birthday," he says, placing a kiss on his cheek, short and reluctant. There are tears in his eyes and Baekhyun thinks that maybe Jongdae finally realized that he can do better.
Overdose is too much to bear, with Jongdae so close but not so much, there but never present. Even when they meet, Jongdae would project the nonexistent physical distance in his eyes-never focusing, always distracted. Baekhyun can tell, of course Baekhyun can tell, they've been together for three years now. Maybe three years is already too long.
Baekhyun supposes that things change, and things change for a reason. But Baekhyun is never one to handle changes well, especially when the change comes in the form of a once-warm Jongdae telling him coldly that yes, that's true, I'm unhappy, what are you going to do about it. And how would Baekhyun answer-he no longer knows what happiness is, as the man who once defined it is now standing in front of him, rigid, telling him goodbye without actually saying the word.
I don't know if you realize, but the things that make you happy no longer include me.