I wish life came with a road map!
So I was reading Eric's blog, which inspired me to read part of Jon Moyer's blog and even though Jon's was mainly about a recent hurricaine there and the sad fact that he won't be home for the holidays yet again and Eric's was just about MCC meetings and the like, I find myself missing Vietnam. Maybe it's just because I'm freezing in my basement room right now and I miss the warmth, but in a dreary cold Ohio winter the sun and heat of the Mekong Delta seems oh so inviting. I miss the motorbikes and the constant noise, fresh mangos and cafe sua da (iced coffee). I miss our street in Long Xuyen and the little lady that sold me bang mi (bread) with laughing cow cheese every morning. For some reason the entire experience seems like a dream now and it seems surreal to think that I could go back there tomorrow and the little lady would still be there waiting to sell me my morning bread. And the fact that Eric's actually there living it every day and that he'll continue to be there for the next few years makes it all the more surreal.
I'm also realizing how strange it's going to be without Eric around. Everyone else has had a semester to adapt to all the changes and to get used to the idea, but it feels like I've been pulled into some alternate universe for the past 3 months. I've just not processed the fact that I can't go bang on Eric's window any more trying to convince him to go to the J... and that Chadd's window is now 20 ft. in the air. Everything's different but yet everything's the same. I don't like change. Or at least I don't like change that I'm not in charge of.
And I envy Eric. Not because he's in the beautiful country of Vietnam and not even because his toes aren't numb with cold right now, but because he's found his path... Or at least he's finding his path. He's doing something he was meant to do, something he needed to do. Working for MCC, Vietnam, it is him. I knew it the first time he came running up to tell me that Dan had thought of him for the job. I remember thinking that they just had to give him this job because he needed it.. it was his job. I guess what I'm saying is he has direction and he's doing something. I just still feel so lost sometimes. And I STILL don't know if I want to teach. I still don't know where my passion is. I enjoy teaching, I enjoy children, I enjoy my major. But sometimes I still feel like I should be doing something more. Like I was meant for something more.. Maybe even like I deserve something more. That sounds arrogant, but it's the truth. I know I have the intelligence and the ability to do so much more than I am. I'll be a good teacher. I know that. But what if I could be an even better something else?
I'm also realizing how strange it's going to be without Eric around. Everyone else has had a semester to adapt to all the changes and to get used to the idea, but it feels like I've been pulled into some alternate universe for the past 3 months. I've just not processed the fact that I can't go bang on Eric's window any more trying to convince him to go to the J... and that Chadd's window is now 20 ft. in the air. Everything's different but yet everything's the same. I don't like change. Or at least I don't like change that I'm not in charge of.
And I envy Eric. Not because he's in the beautiful country of Vietnam and not even because his toes aren't numb with cold right now, but because he's found his path... Or at least he's finding his path. He's doing something he was meant to do, something he needed to do. Working for MCC, Vietnam, it is him. I knew it the first time he came running up to tell me that Dan had thought of him for the job. I remember thinking that they just had to give him this job because he needed it.. it was his job. I guess what I'm saying is he has direction and he's doing something. I just still feel so lost sometimes. And I STILL don't know if I want to teach. I still don't know where my passion is. I enjoy teaching, I enjoy children, I enjoy my major. But sometimes I still feel like I should be doing something more. Like I was meant for something more.. Maybe even like I deserve something more. That sounds arrogant, but it's the truth. I know I have the intelligence and the ability to do so much more than I am. I'll be a good teacher. I know that. But what if I could be an even better something else?