"is it really worth it?"
I know I should be doing schoolwork right now, but I felt moved to post this.
This summer has been crazy. School work, prepping for Disney, DWAT, Drum Corps, living with friends, it's a lot crazier than I expected. I thought things would be nice and loose, a little easy. I mean come on, it's summer. There's barely anyone around, no other school committments. Granted, I AM taking 18 credits, but I've handled 17.5 credits AND three hours a day of music. So why are things so crazy?
Why do I stay up late and wake up early, writing lab reports, solving homework problems, reading and organizing textbooks and notes time and time again. Why do I stress over my grades, even just one homework assignment, or why do I make sure when I hand in a lab, it's perfect. Why, even though I'm a slow worker, I drive myself crazy making everything as right as possible, sacrificing a deadline, or maybe a whole project, if needed to.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
I'm enjoying myself in the Widener Honors Program, the teachers like me, but the non-perfectionist students get great grades too.
Why do I work on the weekends? Why am I always offering Corey to work an event, always offering to help, always there, and almost always dependable. Why am i always the kid who puts on the smile, and refuses extra money, and performs his job past all of the standards, even when no one recognizes me for it (I'm referring to CVS as well)? Why do I sacrifice myself physically and academically to make sure work is done efficiently?
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
CVS has trained me well, and allows me to enjoy "easier" jobs a lot more, but when I'm applying for "the big job", will the employer see that?
Why am I always looking for an excuse to enjoy myself, to take free time, to relax my brain. Yeah, I'm always pushing to do work, but I always take time out for myself so my brain can recoop (this is more related to school work than physical work). Why do I procrastinate to ease my brain, to follow Drum Corps, 5-Wits, Disney, even youtube for crying out loud, all for just the reason of "my brain needs to destress before I can do more work". I even EXCERCISE to destress/procrastinate sometimes just to relax myself, and to satisfy myself with myself.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
Yeah, my interests and hobbies are exciting, but is the psychological benefit being buried by the time it consumes?
I recently find myself constantly asking "is what I do, really worth the time and effort?". Why? because I feel overworked, stressed, going crazy, depressed. Yeah, I can think of past examples where it has been worth it, and other times when it hasn't. Then I realize, if I'm only doing things "just because it's worth it", does that make me a slacker? I'm doing things out of necessity? I do the minimum just to get by?
Technically then, I guess, we are all slackers, because we only do things out of necessity.
Just to try to defend myself against that statement, I keep thinking of times where I HAVE exceeded the standard, and that makes me feel proud of myself. Then I remember the stress involved at that time, and I again fall into this loop.
Yeah, I want that job at Disney really bad. But what are they looking for in their ideal worker? Hundreds of thousands of prospective imagineers never even get reviewed, because the competition is just that fierce. Yeah, I guess I could work at somewhere else, but then I just continue the problem of trying to balance my work out with what I love. THAT is my problem, trying to balance everything out, keep the weighted see-saw at equilibrium. Why can't I just remove the weights?
Matt DuPlessie, in my Senior Project interview, told me that every engineering job will start out one of two ways: a stinky job, or cheap pay. Well, how stinky is stinky, and how cheap is cheap? I sure as hell know CVS met both of those criteria, but that's not engineering. Will doing the "bitch" work at Disney for minimum wage match it?
I guess that's the one question right now that's motivating me to do well. But again, how do I currently balance everything out? because whatever I'm doing right now, is not working, or if it is, I need a sign.
>-ttt-< :)
This summer has been crazy. School work, prepping for Disney, DWAT, Drum Corps, living with friends, it's a lot crazier than I expected. I thought things would be nice and loose, a little easy. I mean come on, it's summer. There's barely anyone around, no other school committments. Granted, I AM taking 18 credits, but I've handled 17.5 credits AND three hours a day of music. So why are things so crazy?
Why do I stay up late and wake up early, writing lab reports, solving homework problems, reading and organizing textbooks and notes time and time again. Why do I stress over my grades, even just one homework assignment, or why do I make sure when I hand in a lab, it's perfect. Why, even though I'm a slow worker, I drive myself crazy making everything as right as possible, sacrificing a deadline, or maybe a whole project, if needed to.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
I'm enjoying myself in the Widener Honors Program, the teachers like me, but the non-perfectionist students get great grades too.
Why do I work on the weekends? Why am I always offering Corey to work an event, always offering to help, always there, and almost always dependable. Why am i always the kid who puts on the smile, and refuses extra money, and performs his job past all of the standards, even when no one recognizes me for it (I'm referring to CVS as well)? Why do I sacrifice myself physically and academically to make sure work is done efficiently?
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
CVS has trained me well, and allows me to enjoy "easier" jobs a lot more, but when I'm applying for "the big job", will the employer see that?
Why am I always looking for an excuse to enjoy myself, to take free time, to relax my brain. Yeah, I'm always pushing to do work, but I always take time out for myself so my brain can recoop (this is more related to school work than physical work). Why do I procrastinate to ease my brain, to follow Drum Corps, 5-Wits, Disney, even youtube for crying out loud, all for just the reason of "my brain needs to destress before I can do more work". I even EXCERCISE to destress/procrastinate sometimes just to relax myself, and to satisfy myself with myself.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
Yeah, my interests and hobbies are exciting, but is the psychological benefit being buried by the time it consumes?
I recently find myself constantly asking "is what I do, really worth the time and effort?". Why? because I feel overworked, stressed, going crazy, depressed. Yeah, I can think of past examples where it has been worth it, and other times when it hasn't. Then I realize, if I'm only doing things "just because it's worth it", does that make me a slacker? I'm doing things out of necessity? I do the minimum just to get by?
Technically then, I guess, we are all slackers, because we only do things out of necessity.
Just to try to defend myself against that statement, I keep thinking of times where I HAVE exceeded the standard, and that makes me feel proud of myself. Then I remember the stress involved at that time, and I again fall into this loop.
Yeah, I want that job at Disney really bad. But what are they looking for in their ideal worker? Hundreds of thousands of prospective imagineers never even get reviewed, because the competition is just that fierce. Yeah, I guess I could work at somewhere else, but then I just continue the problem of trying to balance my work out with what I love. THAT is my problem, trying to balance everything out, keep the weighted see-saw at equilibrium. Why can't I just remove the weights?
Matt DuPlessie, in my Senior Project interview, told me that every engineering job will start out one of two ways: a stinky job, or cheap pay. Well, how stinky is stinky, and how cheap is cheap? I sure as hell know CVS met both of those criteria, but that's not engineering. Will doing the "bitch" work at Disney for minimum wage match it?
I guess that's the one question right now that's motivating me to do well. But again, how do I currently balance everything out? because whatever I'm doing right now, is not working, or if it is, I need a sign.
>-ttt-< :)