Bringin em Down Part II
DISCLAIMER: The characters are Annie Proulx's, not mine. No commercial gain, etc., is intended or aspired to, just admiration and perhaps a personal desire to understand.
TYPE: Strict film canon, not AU.
WHEN WRITTEN:This was written last summer while I sat on the hood of my car and watched cattle shit on the Plains up in Chugwater, Wyoming. I wrote it during the late afternoon before and during the summer sunset. So it was written fast [for me] and what's below is unedited... I tried this week and did such a poor job I threw it all out and decided to post the raw original.
SETTING AND TIME:The story takes place on the last day Jack and Ennis are up on Brokeback Mountain during their first summer.
PAIRING: Jack and Ennis but the Primary character is Jack Twist as he tries to deal himself and what goes on in his own head while he figures out how to handle Ennis with the summer cut short, how to keep Ennis from bolting like the scared colt he is...and fails. I was trying to get into Jack's head as another guy.There is only so much a male can write about another male's head before it gets completely ridiculous and fake, we think a great deal in situations like this yet most is repetitious variations on a theme.
LENGTH: OKOKOK--I know it takes me forever, especially since this was written already. But this time I did edit it and think I did a good job---is this confidence??lol
Instead of 2 chapters it's 3. And no you wont wait that long this time, I know what I don't like about what i did with the Fight and am allready reworking it....Jack
BRINGIN EM DOWN PART II
Jack was numb. 'I'm feelin so many things I don't have no words for that I'm feelin nothin.'
And that's all it took. A thought.
His heart, his mind, his body... everything which said "I am Jack Twist" screamed like a leg
unused to movement. It had blown up in his face, all of it, life collapsing in under 3 minutes.
Methodically he packed up the campsite. It was something to do, something to deaden the
pain and bring order to the confusion of his heart.
It was what Aguirre paid him for. Pack up. Pack it in. All of it.
As the pile of their supplies dwindled with Jack's now slow and steady moves, he wondered
again why his pride had no stayin power, marvelled sadly that one word from someone he
cared about could collapse him like wet paper. Jack thought back to the worse thing in his
life before today, the night his father pissed all over him. He remembered back to how he'd
felt, remembered his confusion as life...warped. No other word for it....wanting to run, unable
to run, scared, angry, forced to stand and take it as beerpiss splashed, dripped, ran away
from his child's skin as if it was ashamed to be there, forced to clean it all up with his
jammies... made to stand there and put his filthy urine-drenched clothing back on by a
nothing of a man Jack called daddy. A bastard who had triumphantly passed the torch to a 4
year old boy, a boy who15 years later thought daddy may have been right: Jack Twist
WAS nothing. He remembered the sweet toilet-stench that was his fathers love polluting his
mind...and almost made a connection. Almost. Found himself thinkin out a nowhere that Ennis
Del Mar was not his bastard daddy and scratched his head, wonderin where such a crazy
thought had come from.
Yet here he was up on Brokeback , feeling like Ennis had just pissed on his head instead of
John Twist. He almost opened his mouth at that point, was goin to tell Ennis all quiet-like that
the last time he'd felt like this his father had beat him and pissed on him when he was 4 years
old, let Ennis take it from there, but out of the corner of his eye Jack saw Ennis had moved
away from him, was walkin by himself on the edge of the cliff...
Jack felt stupid. After all, he said nothing. And while he would one day confide to Ennis the
full story of that miserable night, by feeling stupid on this day Jack gained the great blessing
of not knowing he had missed an opportunity which would never again come for either of
them.
Ennis' had damned near castrated him. Jack knew it. His mind pictured Ennis between his
legs, teeth grabbing what made him a man, oblivious as Jack's heart screamed NO while the
love of his life bit deep and spitting the bloodstained remnants of Jack's manhood onto the
uncaring cupped recesses of the mountain...Jack stood still for a moment and let loose a
silent scream of pain and blood.
He turned and lit a cigarette, eyes wide shut as the burst of smoke caught them past the
rotting tips of the Teton's into God's Vault. He looked into it an endless moment, throat
breaking the massive silence as a soft '...why...' vented from his chest.
He turned his head away while rubbing his eyes, saw Ennis through the prism of his
mindsparks, walking on the low rise next to their camp. He was watching Jack, who froze
and once again thought 'Act Normal'--as if this WAS normal, which it sure as hell
wasn't--grabbed the grill and packed it. He didn't look back to Ennis, and swiftly finished
with the remains of the camp. 'No way I will look bad to him, no way. Just do the job.'
'Stupid. You're stupid Jack'.
But stupid or not, he still felt like a cowpie...again. Again. He couldn't even get angry, he was
too beat to get angry. 'I'm nothing.' If I feel I'm something they all make me nothing, every
man I wanted to love, every man I meet turns me into shit. Does Ennis even have a clue?
Does he? This is just my dumbassed head. Ennis has no clue. He couldn't have meant it, he's
upset. We can talk quiet-like,just talk quiet when i finish here, figure it out. Maybe...maybe
he really just doesn't know. He would not have hurt me like that, could not hurt me like that.'
'Ennis would not make me nothing, he couldn't do that to me.'
But he had.
Jack saw with a dull surprise that he was done packin, all that was left could go into the
saddle bags.He walked over to Ennis' mount Cigar Butt, admiring once more the gelding's
beauty and stamina. Ennis had grabbed the big bay first he saw him, knew instinctively that
this was the horse he'd need up on Brokeback. Jack was OK on a horse but nothing more. 'A
man with skill knows I'm nothin special in the saddle. I just look good. And Ennis is more
then skilled.' He knew Jack wasn't as good a horseman as he was and didn't care, just
shrugged and took him for who and what he was.
'Ennis takes me for who and what I am.....'
' Who and What I Am.'
That truth of that unbidden thought began to rouse Jack. 'He --we--accepted each other all
summer. Can't change that. No. I'm thinkin all wrong. He knows. I'll do what I always do
when it's time for us to go.'
He stroked Cigar Butt as he filled the saddlebags and for the first time that day began to feel
the chill lift as the Mountain warmed.
'Damned he looks good on this horse'. Jack thought of Ennis' skill on his mount, any mount.
'Maybe I'm jealous.' A tiny smile parted his lips, rememberin how Ennis had laughed and
laughed the night he'd been talkin up Cigar Butt and a suddenly testy Jack Twist had said
'Ennis I don wan a hear about your goddamned horse, you wan a ride somethin shut the fuck
up and ride ME you asshole!' He'd damned near split his gut roarin and then without a
word he'd grabbed Jack and screwed him slow and silly, made him....'Made me what?' Jack
felt less misery as he thought, 'Made me...what? Made me his. I already was his but that night
Ennis MADE me his, not a word but we said it all'
Afterwards, Ennis had prepared to go back to the sheep. Jack could barely keep his eyes open, was
just standing there, glowing in the heat of the fire they'd made together when out of nowhere
Ennis Del Mar had come up behind him and made a dream come true. 'A dream? No he made
my life. Not a dream. A dream became my life.'
" Come on now, you're sleepin on your feet like a horse...my mama used to say that to me
when I was little."
'He pulled me close, when he said that, so close. Like he was part a me. I could feel his heart beat...'
"......And sing to me."
And Ennis a had sung a lullaby to Jack, a lullaby every cowboy in Wyoming had heard in the
lost times when love was taken for granted, when knowledge of love was just...there, ' I
guess in my case before I got shown I was nothin but a toilet....'
It had been...perfect.
"See you in the mornin!"
And Ennis had gotten on his horse and cantered back to the sheep, leaving Jack with the
only perfect memory of his life.
Jack went over every second, every breath, every touch. It was his dream, the one he'd always wanted without knowin, the dream he'd never understood...and that idiot Ennis had brought to life.
And in that second he thought he knew what he'd done wrong and how to fix it.
END PART II
______________________________________________________________________
TYPE: Strict film canon, not AU.
WHEN WRITTEN:This was written last summer while I sat on the hood of my car and watched cattle shit on the Plains up in Chugwater, Wyoming. I wrote it during the late afternoon before and during the summer sunset. So it was written fast [for me] and what's below is unedited... I tried this week and did such a poor job I threw it all out and decided to post the raw original.
SETTING AND TIME:The story takes place on the last day Jack and Ennis are up on Brokeback Mountain during their first summer.
PAIRING: Jack and Ennis but the Primary character is Jack Twist as he tries to deal himself and what goes on in his own head while he figures out how to handle Ennis with the summer cut short, how to keep Ennis from bolting like the scared colt he is...and fails. I was trying to get into Jack's head as another guy.There is only so much a male can write about another male's head before it gets completely ridiculous and fake, we think a great deal in situations like this yet most is repetitious variations on a theme.
LENGTH: OKOKOK--I know it takes me forever, especially since this was written already. But this time I did edit it and think I did a good job---is this confidence??lol
Instead of 2 chapters it's 3. And no you wont wait that long this time, I know what I don't like about what i did with the Fight and am allready reworking it....Jack
BRINGIN EM DOWN PART II
Jack was numb. 'I'm feelin so many things I don't have no words for that I'm feelin nothin.'
And that's all it took. A thought.
His heart, his mind, his body... everything which said "I am Jack Twist" screamed like a leg
unused to movement. It had blown up in his face, all of it, life collapsing in under 3 minutes.
Methodically he packed up the campsite. It was something to do, something to deaden the
pain and bring order to the confusion of his heart.
It was what Aguirre paid him for. Pack up. Pack it in. All of it.
As the pile of their supplies dwindled with Jack's now slow and steady moves, he wondered
again why his pride had no stayin power, marvelled sadly that one word from someone he
cared about could collapse him like wet paper. Jack thought back to the worse thing in his
life before today, the night his father pissed all over him. He remembered back to how he'd
felt, remembered his confusion as life...warped. No other word for it....wanting to run, unable
to run, scared, angry, forced to stand and take it as beerpiss splashed, dripped, ran away
from his child's skin as if it was ashamed to be there, forced to clean it all up with his
jammies... made to stand there and put his filthy urine-drenched clothing back on by a
nothing of a man Jack called daddy. A bastard who had triumphantly passed the torch to a 4
year old boy, a boy who15 years later thought daddy may have been right: Jack Twist
WAS nothing. He remembered the sweet toilet-stench that was his fathers love polluting his
mind...and almost made a connection. Almost. Found himself thinkin out a nowhere that Ennis
Del Mar was not his bastard daddy and scratched his head, wonderin where such a crazy
thought had come from.
Yet here he was up on Brokeback , feeling like Ennis had just pissed on his head instead of
John Twist. He almost opened his mouth at that point, was goin to tell Ennis all quiet-like that
the last time he'd felt like this his father had beat him and pissed on him when he was 4 years
old, let Ennis take it from there, but out of the corner of his eye Jack saw Ennis had moved
away from him, was walkin by himself on the edge of the cliff...
Jack felt stupid. After all, he said nothing. And while he would one day confide to Ennis the
full story of that miserable night, by feeling stupid on this day Jack gained the great blessing
of not knowing he had missed an opportunity which would never again come for either of
them.
Ennis' had damned near castrated him. Jack knew it. His mind pictured Ennis between his
legs, teeth grabbing what made him a man, oblivious as Jack's heart screamed NO while the
love of his life bit deep and spitting the bloodstained remnants of Jack's manhood onto the
uncaring cupped recesses of the mountain...Jack stood still for a moment and let loose a
silent scream of pain and blood.
He turned and lit a cigarette, eyes wide shut as the burst of smoke caught them past the
rotting tips of the Teton's into God's Vault. He looked into it an endless moment, throat
breaking the massive silence as a soft '...why...' vented from his chest.
He turned his head away while rubbing his eyes, saw Ennis through the prism of his
mindsparks, walking on the low rise next to their camp. He was watching Jack, who froze
and once again thought 'Act Normal'--as if this WAS normal, which it sure as hell
wasn't--grabbed the grill and packed it. He didn't look back to Ennis, and swiftly finished
with the remains of the camp. 'No way I will look bad to him, no way. Just do the job.'
'Stupid. You're stupid Jack'.
But stupid or not, he still felt like a cowpie...again. Again. He couldn't even get angry, he was
too beat to get angry. 'I'm nothing.' If I feel I'm something they all make me nothing, every
man I wanted to love, every man I meet turns me into shit. Does Ennis even have a clue?
Does he? This is just my dumbassed head. Ennis has no clue. He couldn't have meant it, he's
upset. We can talk quiet-like,just talk quiet when i finish here, figure it out. Maybe...maybe
he really just doesn't know. He would not have hurt me like that, could not hurt me like that.'
'Ennis would not make me nothing, he couldn't do that to me.'
But he had.
Jack saw with a dull surprise that he was done packin, all that was left could go into the
saddle bags.He walked over to Ennis' mount Cigar Butt, admiring once more the gelding's
beauty and stamina. Ennis had grabbed the big bay first he saw him, knew instinctively that
this was the horse he'd need up on Brokeback. Jack was OK on a horse but nothing more. 'A
man with skill knows I'm nothin special in the saddle. I just look good. And Ennis is more
then skilled.' He knew Jack wasn't as good a horseman as he was and didn't care, just
shrugged and took him for who and what he was.
'Ennis takes me for who and what I am.....'
' Who and What I Am.'
That truth of that unbidden thought began to rouse Jack. 'He --we--accepted each other all
summer. Can't change that. No. I'm thinkin all wrong. He knows. I'll do what I always do
when it's time for us to go.'
He stroked Cigar Butt as he filled the saddlebags and for the first time that day began to feel
the chill lift as the Mountain warmed.
'Damned he looks good on this horse'. Jack thought of Ennis' skill on his mount, any mount.
'Maybe I'm jealous.' A tiny smile parted his lips, rememberin how Ennis had laughed and
laughed the night he'd been talkin up Cigar Butt and a suddenly testy Jack Twist had said
'Ennis I don wan a hear about your goddamned horse, you wan a ride somethin shut the fuck
up and ride ME you asshole!' He'd damned near split his gut roarin and then without a
word he'd grabbed Jack and screwed him slow and silly, made him....'Made me what?' Jack
felt less misery as he thought, 'Made me...what? Made me his. I already was his but that night
Ennis MADE me his, not a word but we said it all'
Afterwards, Ennis had prepared to go back to the sheep. Jack could barely keep his eyes open, was
just standing there, glowing in the heat of the fire they'd made together when out of nowhere
Ennis Del Mar had come up behind him and made a dream come true. 'A dream? No he made
my life. Not a dream. A dream became my life.'
" Come on now, you're sleepin on your feet like a horse...my mama used to say that to me
when I was little."
'He pulled me close, when he said that, so close. Like he was part a me. I could feel his heart beat...'
"......And sing to me."
And Ennis a had sung a lullaby to Jack, a lullaby every cowboy in Wyoming had heard in the
lost times when love was taken for granted, when knowledge of love was just...there, ' I
guess in my case before I got shown I was nothin but a toilet....'
It had been...perfect.
"See you in the mornin!"
And Ennis had gotten on his horse and cantered back to the sheep, leaving Jack with the
only perfect memory of his life.
Jack went over every second, every breath, every touch. It was his dream, the one he'd always wanted without knowin, the dream he'd never understood...and that idiot Ennis had brought to life.
And in that second he thought he knew what he'd done wrong and how to fix it.
END PART II
______________________________________________________________________