God... it's me....why do you hate me so?
well, he doesn't hate me completely. I'd be dead then. but for some reason I don't seem to be on his 'happy' list. why can't he just let me be happy once? maybe it's me. you remember that last post? that's fucking gone now. either it was too much...or now that I've backed off it's gone now. how the fuck am I supposed to do this? I getting real sick of not knowing what to do.....except fell sorry for what I didn't do. that happens way more often than it should. how did it happen? why did it happen? after seemingly being dropped in my lap. a perfect opportunity. I'm not sure I could have found a person that was more like me if I'd created her myself. but now it's gone. gone like snow in Florida (it happens trust me) the worst part is, I doubt she even knows how I feel. which probably is the first sign I should have done something sooner. I realize this probably sounds really petty, and I'm sorry that it does. but now and then self-pitty helps.