Vanessa Come Home Will and Grace Parody
SCENE I: Tommy's Apartment
"JACK Spicer and Vanessa are sitting on the couch; Tommy is sitting at the table while Angelica talks to her newlywed husband Chuckie on the phone"
Angelica: Ok, husband, I'll be right down. Oh, Chuckie. I'm so excited. Tonight I'm gonna sleep with a married man. (moment of Silence) Okay, you can watch. Heh heh heh.
(Angelica Hangs up)
Angelica(giggles) Whee! Going on my honeymoon.
Tommy: I'm happy for you. I've also narrowed down what I'm gonna turn your room into. It's either gonna be a Rec Room, a gym, or a room for Directing my Movies, Ah who the Hell am I kidding!? The Actors are coming tomorrow.
Jack(whinging) This sucks. How come Angie gets to go to the Caribbean, and I don't?
Vanessa(pats him on knee) Trust me, poodle. You don't wanna go. (sighs) A Jew and a geek on a beach? It's gonna be a week of hunting for the highest SPF at the lowest price.
Angelica(pouts) You guys gonna miss me?
Tommy(ENTHUSIASTIC) Like you even have to ask!
Vanessa: Of course we're gonna miss you, crazy!
Jack: Hello! Go on, get out!
Angelica: 'Kay. See you in a week.
(Angelica picks up her Suitcase and Leaves)
(Tommy, Jack and Vanessa sigh)
Jack(sadly) Wow. She's really gone.
Tommy(sadly) I miss her already.
Vanessa(sadly) I'm sad.
Jack: New Club on 72nd Street!
Tommy(happily) Let's go!
Vanessa: Right behind ya!
(Tommy lead Vanessa and Jack as they dance out the door)
SCENE II: Tommy's Apartment
(Tommy, Kimi, DJ and Heather are sitting at Table having Breakfast)
*Vanessa Enters Apartment*
Vanessa: Hey, The 4 dwarf's Film Freak, Ditz, Girly and Nympho!
DJ(impressed) Wow! You must be in a good mood you only insulted us once that's something
Heather(winks) Hey, someone's got a little spring in their step. You just get a bikini wax?
Vanessa(turns head confused) I don't know. People were moving around down there (rubs hands across body) I assume something was getting done.
Tommy: Funny, Heather said the same thing about her last dentist appointment.
(Tommy dodges a tossed roll from Heather as V, sits down at table)
Vanessa: Ah... listen, kids. I need your help. I'm in a little bit of a pickle. You know how I'm into Aerosmith, right?
(the 2 couples look at each other confused)
Tommy(shrugs) Yeah.
Kimi(shrugs) Sure, go ahead.
Vanessa: I went to see 'em play at Madison Square Garden and invited 'em back to my suite at the Palace Hotel to party with me.
Heather(wide-eyed) Aerosmith?
Vanessa(sneers) No, Madison Square Garden. Anyhoo-- Some things may have... been set on fire. (Twirls fingers shamefully) A bellboy may have been stripped and shaved. A young girl may have become a mother. Bottom line... They kicked me out. And no hotel in New York will have me. And I need a place to stay. A-ha-ha-ha!
Heather(sadly) Well, you know, I'd let you bunk with us, but the restraining Order against you clearly states your not allowed in my company for more then 6 hours....
Vanessa: So, I guess that leaves(turns to Tommy and Kimi hopefully)
Tommy(shakes head) No, no, no. No, you cannot stay here. Why don't you move in with one of your hallucinations?
Kimi: Ohhh! But tommy...
Vanessa: All right, okay. I see what this is gonna take.
(Vanessa unbuttons her top halfway and starts Shimming her breasts at Tommy and Kimi)
Vanessa(waves torso in circle) Ooh, yeah. It's good to be bad, isn't it, daddy? Whoo!
Tommy(confused) V, I'd ha-- What-- Okay, all right, all right. Stop it! You can stay here(trys to cover face blushing while Kimi can't seem to look away)
Vanessa(victory pose) Ha!
Tommy: But just till we work things out with the Palace.
Kimi: I don't know if you hypnotized me with those things or what, but I'm not afraid of flying anymore.
SCENE III: Tommy's Apartment
(Tommy is fixing his Camera when Vanessa walks into room in Spaghetti,-Strap-Red dress)
Vanessa: Hey. [WHISTLES "Yoo-Hoo"] What time does the gal come by to turn down the bed?
Tommy(shakes head) V, this is not a hotel. No one will be turning your bed down. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't keep filling our answering machine with complaints about room service.
Vanessa: Well, since you bring it up, when I checked in, the soaps had all been opened, and the shower cap had been used.
Tommy(frustrated) V, I am trying to fix my camera so I can get started on my Documentary, on Pigeons "Useless Crapping Machines or Useful Weapons!?"
Vanessa(hands up in surrendor) Okay, okay. Fine, I'll leave you alone.
(Vanessa walks over to Stereo and turns it on. "IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" BY TOM JONES BEGINS PLAYING LOUDLY. Vanessa begins dancing and Singing loudly)
Vanessa(loudly Singing) It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to be loved by...
Tommy: Nessa,! Quiet!
(Tommy Turns off Stereo)
Vanessa: Jeez Louise! It's just a little top 40.
Tommy: Well, if you must do that, put the headphones on.
Vanessa(sarcastic) Oh, fun.
(Vanessa puts on headphones but doesn't plu them in while turning stereo back on)
Vanessa(singing loudly and Jiving) It's not unusual, it happens every day. No matter what you say, you see it happens all the--
(Tommy picks up camera and Tools about to leave)
Vanessa: Where you going? I'm just about at the bridge.
Tommy: I can't believe I sacrificed my recording Studio Room for you. And right around the holidays!
(Tommy leaves Slamming the Door)