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This has already been a bad week.... Not only did I do badly on my project that I worked so hard on yesterday, but I got a 68 on an American Gov't test that I really studied for and thought I was prepared. I honestly thought I would make an A if not high B, instead I received this lovely grade. If not to make things even worse, basically the teacher kept stressing that basically everyone made A's. All the people that sit around me made high A's and I know them, cause well I studied with them, and they didn't study at all!! If I had the nerve I would really quit college. I absolutely hate it right now. Everyday I either leave a class crying or come home crying. I can't sleep because the dorm/apts are so freaking loud and I'm getting sick to my stomach all the time. Just when I think I have something going for my advantage someone or something will just screw me over. I have to say it pretty much hurt not even getting voted by peers in CMENC, I am understanding that the other guy was a senior and such but it still hurts. I think everyone here thinks I'm a big joke, and maybe I am. I really want to quit, it's not making me happy anymore, and I'm losing the love for this passion...I'm sorry but I can't continue doing something that I continue to fail at on a daily basis. It's funny how when I did all the "evils" of drinking and having my boyfriend that my grades were much better. Now I've tried to keep myself involved in "healthy" events and I'm failing. I was even starting to focus more on my faith, but the more I do the more I fail. I told my mom this and of course she said that was the devil talking, but it seems true that I can't have both. (P.S. for all those non-christians, aka people that think it's stupid please don't comment, cause I have always been opened to others ideas, and right now I'm hurt) I can't focus anymore and I really just want to crawl back in to bed and disappear. Sometimes I really wonder if people would miss me, because even when I was sick no one called except Hazel and I believe Kelly, no one else.... It was when Dr. Rumbelow was wondering if I were dead did anyone even think of noticing me. It's sad what our society has come to, and I guess that's what my motivation to life is to be caring shoulder and someone that has noticed. Also, another thing I'm annoyed with is how people have labeled me as a "big-mouth" 'casue ya know that hurts! There are many many private things that people have told me and I have never told a soul, most everyone would be shocked by these confessions from people you wouldn't expect, but if told not to say something or if I'm afraid that it will hurt your reputation I will not say it, period, end of story. Now I'm going to go and try to enjoy the day and sunshine, and hopefully not fail piano....