Please stand by

[baxil]

We are experiencing ( technical difficulties ). Dealing with today's DSL switchover here at the International House of Ninja is turning out to be a much bigger hassle than expected. Your Baxil will return shortly.
At least I've now got some detailed notes on ...

Steps for switching a Speedstream 5100 to our company's Internet service

1. Log in to http://192.168.0.1. Click to edit configuration.
   1. Enter the "Modem Access Code" printed on the bottom of the device.
      1. ... Which is set in the firmware and shouldn't be changeable.
   2. Enter the "Modem Access Code" again because it's not accepting it.
   3. Assume firmware corruption. Find "Factory Reset" link.
   
   
2. Reset the modem.
   1. Repeatedly.
   2. ... With a large hammer.
   3. Finish cursing. Locate hardware reset switch on underside of device.
   
   
3. Reset the modem.
   1. Repeatedly.
   2. ... With an even larger hammer.
   3. Finish cursing as modem finally cooperates. For once.
   
   
4. Log in to http://192.168.0.1. Click to edit newly blank configuration.
   1. Be confronted with choices such as "ATM Encapsulation: VC-Mux or LLC?"
   2. And requests for a login and password, which our setup doesn't use.
   3. Realize that modem wants to know my VCI and VPI, which are numbers only used between the phone company and the DSL provider.
      1. This is sort of like a car dashboard gauge asking you to input the asphalt content of the road.
      2. And when I enter them, it barfs on the information anyway.
   4. Finally locate setting to turn on Bridged Mode, three screens in.
      1. Read warning that this will invalidate everything I've already entered.
         1. Cheer.
   
   
5. Turn on Bridged Mode.
   1. Save changes.
   2. Repeatedly.
   3. With a sledgehammer.
   4. Finish cursing. Develop naively optimistic hypothesis: Modem has actually registered change, but when it reloads the "PPP Location" page, it doesn't set the radio buttons to reflect existing setting.
   
   
6. Call coworker to get IP address, router, etc. Plug them into computer.
   1. Become unable to access anything, even modem.
   2. Reset everything.
      1. Repeatedly.
      2. With a hydraulic press.
   3. Determine that Hypothesis V.D. is incorrect. Return to square one.
   
   
7. Randomly flail about in modem's screens hoping to find diagnostic tool or log info.
   1. Discover 'ping' utility buried in a modem config screen. Decide out of sheer frustration to ping own computer from modem, even though that connection is transparently working.
      1. "No IP Address or URL was specified to test." WTF?
      2. THIS IS NOT HARD, PEOPLE. It's a freaking WEB FORM. First I FILL OUT THE BOX. Then I CLICK "TEST." WHY DO YOU FAIL?!
         1. I bet Microsoft is involved somehow.
         2. Hold that thought. The modem page might be serving some shitty MSIE-only Javascript. But I'm on a Mac and don't have Internet Explorer to test this theory in.
      3. Switch browsers from Safari to Firefox.
         1. Pinging my computer works now.
         2. *headdesk*
   2. Wait a minute. Now that I've gotten this working ...
      1. Sprint back to "PPP Location" in Firefox. Switch to bridging.
         1. The change takes.
         2. *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
   
   
8. Attempt to reach Internet now.
   1. ... Watch DHCP, which the docs tell us to use, fail.
      1. Express complete lack of surprise via further colorful language.
   2. Finally call sonic.net, our upstream provider.
      1. Get told information that directly contradicts their documentation: For static IPs, enter everything manually - no DHCP at all.
         1. ... Which works.
   
   
9. Cheer.
   1. ... Then realize I'm going to have to go through all of this again when I plug my wireless router back in instead of directly connecting the modem to my computer.
   2. ... And realize that I'm still unable to get to 90% of Internet anyway, because of a lingering nameserver Heisenbug we had to leave unresolved a few weeks ago due to lack of a good test case.
   
   
10. Curl up on floor and sob.

(Late update: Nameserver stuff at least fixed. Rest will have to wait for weekend.)