Here Cory, I'm not lazy...
ok, here's another rant entry:
Tim ~ This is the last time I hope I have to say this. I love you. I really do. I was thinking A LOT when I was driving around with my dad today. The reason we would never have something is because when I go out with someone I need someone who isn't afraid to come up to me and hug me and then kiss me. I need someone who isn't shy around me. Someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't lie to me or do shit behind my back. I wish we could have something but you really just aren't my type I guess. I hope you don't take this the wrong way and hate me forever because that would make me really sad. I love you and don't want to lose you. You are a great friend and anyone would be lucky to have you as their man. I mean that as the most sincere thing I can think to say to you right now. I appreciate you being there for me when I need to rant about something. You are an awesome person and I just had to get this off my chest.
Cory ~ You were everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. Literally. There was nothing about you that I didn't like. At first the alcohol bothered me but I got used to it. When you decided to be an ass and break up with me a week after we had sex I was completely and utterly heartbroken. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to wait to tell you that I loved you because I had my heart broken too many times in one year. I didn't want to have to deal with another broken heart because I was worried it wouldn't heal. Then you made all of my worst nightmares come true. We slept together, I told you that I love you, then you broke my heart. That was the hardest time I ever had. I couldn't function. I was really depressed. Then we went back out. I tried really hard to tell myself that it would be different this time. This time it will last. We both really love each other. Then I get home from the last Girl's Basketball Pep Band thing and you are online, drunk off your mind. You tell me that you cheated on me, three times, in one night, while you were drunk. Yeah, that didn't go very well. Now that I think about it, the only reason that I didn't break up with you then and there was because I had to talk myself into it. I loved you so fucking much and you knew damn well what I did and how I felt about everything. Then you fucking cheated on me. Not once, twice, but three fucking times. I couldn't believe it. It took me forever to talk myself into the fact that I couldn't trust you. No matter how much I loved you, it wasn't fair to me to stay with you knowing that you cheated on me three times. I don't know where the hell your friends where during this time, but oh well. The reason I haven't wanted to talk to you lately is because I still think about you and what we could be doing if we were still together. It hurts like hell to hear you talk about Steph or Joei. It really just fucking stabs me in the heart and then turns the blade. That is the worst fucking feeling. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't fucking want to hear it so I choose not to talk to you. And not only that but it seems all we ever do is fight. You get pissed because I am a hypocrite. I don't fucking care anymore. I am through with you and your bullshit.
Not only did I just type all of that, but I have been thinking about that all day. It has been controlling me. I am really depressed today. It's bad. I have had this urge to just sit in a corner and cry. But I couldn't.
My dad told me I looked like hell today because I looked high. Well, he was close. I was hung over. I am such a fucking light-weight when it comes to alcohol. That's not cool. I was pretty far gone after 4-5 shots. But that Vodka was some good shit. Then I had 3 1/2 bottles of Smirnoff. I really just felt like I needed to take my mind off of things. It worked. I don't really remember anything from last night other than walking back from the park and trying to get a ride with a guy. Lindsey wouldn't let me get in the truck because I am really lovey when I am drunk. hehe.
Here's some lyrics to finish out my entry, these are dedicated to Tim and Cory:
"Better Man"
waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
as he opens the door, she rolls over...
pretends to sleep as he looks her over
she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
ohh...
talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
she tells herself, oh...
memories back when she was bold and strong
and waiting for the world to come along...
swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
she lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
yeah...
she loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
she needs him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
can't find a better...man...
Tim ~ This is the last time I hope I have to say this. I love you. I really do. I was thinking A LOT when I was driving around with my dad today. The reason we would never have something is because when I go out with someone I need someone who isn't afraid to come up to me and hug me and then kiss me. I need someone who isn't shy around me. Someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't lie to me or do shit behind my back. I wish we could have something but you really just aren't my type I guess. I hope you don't take this the wrong way and hate me forever because that would make me really sad. I love you and don't want to lose you. You are a great friend and anyone would be lucky to have you as their man. I mean that as the most sincere thing I can think to say to you right now. I appreciate you being there for me when I need to rant about something. You are an awesome person and I just had to get this off my chest.
Cory ~ You were everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. Literally. There was nothing about you that I didn't like. At first the alcohol bothered me but I got used to it. When you decided to be an ass and break up with me a week after we had sex I was completely and utterly heartbroken. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to wait to tell you that I loved you because I had my heart broken too many times in one year. I didn't want to have to deal with another broken heart because I was worried it wouldn't heal. Then you made all of my worst nightmares come true. We slept together, I told you that I love you, then you broke my heart. That was the hardest time I ever had. I couldn't function. I was really depressed. Then we went back out. I tried really hard to tell myself that it would be different this time. This time it will last. We both really love each other. Then I get home from the last Girl's Basketball Pep Band thing and you are online, drunk off your mind. You tell me that you cheated on me, three times, in one night, while you were drunk. Yeah, that didn't go very well. Now that I think about it, the only reason that I didn't break up with you then and there was because I had to talk myself into it. I loved you so fucking much and you knew damn well what I did and how I felt about everything. Then you fucking cheated on me. Not once, twice, but three fucking times. I couldn't believe it. It took me forever to talk myself into the fact that I couldn't trust you. No matter how much I loved you, it wasn't fair to me to stay with you knowing that you cheated on me three times. I don't know where the hell your friends where during this time, but oh well. The reason I haven't wanted to talk to you lately is because I still think about you and what we could be doing if we were still together. It hurts like hell to hear you talk about Steph or Joei. It really just fucking stabs me in the heart and then turns the blade. That is the worst fucking feeling. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't fucking want to hear it so I choose not to talk to you. And not only that but it seems all we ever do is fight. You get pissed because I am a hypocrite. I don't fucking care anymore. I am through with you and your bullshit.
Not only did I just type all of that, but I have been thinking about that all day. It has been controlling me. I am really depressed today. It's bad. I have had this urge to just sit in a corner and cry. But I couldn't.
My dad told me I looked like hell today because I looked high. Well, he was close. I was hung over. I am such a fucking light-weight when it comes to alcohol. That's not cool. I was pretty far gone after 4-5 shots. But that Vodka was some good shit. Then I had 3 1/2 bottles of Smirnoff. I really just felt like I needed to take my mind off of things. It worked. I don't really remember anything from last night other than walking back from the park and trying to get a ride with a guy. Lindsey wouldn't let me get in the truck because I am really lovey when I am drunk. hehe.
Here's some lyrics to finish out my entry, these are dedicated to Tim and Cory:
"Better Man"
waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
as he opens the door, she rolls over...
pretends to sleep as he looks her over
she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
ohh...
talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
she tells herself, oh...
memories back when she was bold and strong
and waiting for the world to come along...
swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
she lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
yeah...
she loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
she needs him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
can't find a better man
can't find a better...man...