(no subject)
My job sucks. I'm applying for a census job but my testing date isn't for a month! Dammmmit. The pay starts out really well and I think it would be a lot of fun but I won't know for a month :\ I really want and need a new job. I feel that I am a lot better than that place. But not a lot of places are hiring and I don't feel like searching right now when I already have a somewhat steady job and I'm about to start school. [Edit: In OTHER WORDS. I am afraid and I am rationalizing. Lol.]
School is my main priority but money sure is nice!
I went to my first bar last night. It was interesting. It's weird knowing people are checking you out. Not really in a 'is she hot?' way, but more like a , 'who is that walking into the bar? LET'S LOOK AT THEM'.
And this might sound kind of whiney but I really can't figure out how attractive I am. Omfg my self-esteem sucks. I think I'm attractive but I don't KNOW I'm attractive. If that makes sense.
Anyway, my friend was mentioning 'openers' and I laughed because that's straight out of The Game. And then we lamented because there is no such thing as The Game for women. If there was such a thing as 'game' for women, I am very sure I do not have it.
It all boils down to fear for me, I am very fearful of um, everything.
I don't know how I got this way, but daaaamn it's annoying. I need to force myself to do things I am afraid of. But then I doubt that I can do it in the first place. It's a vicious cycle. Fucking a. I am making a big deal out of nothing. ajdnflkjdnfkjandgjkngjkn!
I'm going out the next three nights, maybe I won't act like a dumbass? And then school starts so I can actually put my mind onto something useful.
Oh nuts! I need a self esteem boost but that can only come from within but my within is saying 'fuck you' right now.
School is my main priority but money sure is nice!
I went to my first bar last night. It was interesting. It's weird knowing people are checking you out. Not really in a 'is she hot?' way, but more like a , 'who is that walking into the bar? LET'S LOOK AT THEM'.
And this might sound kind of whiney but I really can't figure out how attractive I am. Omfg my self-esteem sucks. I think I'm attractive but I don't KNOW I'm attractive. If that makes sense.
Anyway, my friend was mentioning 'openers' and I laughed because that's straight out of The Game. And then we lamented because there is no such thing as The Game for women. If there was such a thing as 'game' for women, I am very sure I do not have it.
It all boils down to fear for me, I am very fearful of um, everything.
I don't know how I got this way, but daaaamn it's annoying. I need to force myself to do things I am afraid of. But then I doubt that I can do it in the first place. It's a vicious cycle. Fucking a. I am making a big deal out of nothing. ajdnflkjdnfkjandgjkngjkn!
I'm going out the next three nights, maybe I won't act like a dumbass? And then school starts so I can actually put my mind onto something useful.
Oh nuts! I need a self esteem boost but that can only come from within but my within is saying 'fuck you' right now.