Years go by/fearscape
On this, the morning of the 10 year anniversary of my first Tori show ( 5.5 Weeks Tour: Columbus, OH 4 September 1999), i had a dream that Tori died :( it was one of those dreams where you really think it's real and then you wake up and breathe a huge sigh of relief.
-i dreamed that she died in a plane crash.
-It was all over the forums but it was hard to tell if it was real or not at first.
-When it showed up on Undented, i knew it was real
-It was on the morning news (?) and in the newspaper
-i saw on one of the forums a post by a girl who used stills from a horror film to show how she was feeling
-People were posting tons of m+g videos
-Almost immediately (like early that day) there was a semi-official release of a dvd of a show from either the ADP tour or the Sinful Attraction Tour, but it was one whole show, not the "ADP DVD" or the "AATS DVD" (please Tori, give us these things in real life!:)
-i couldn't stop crying- it felt like a part of my life had been destroyed or taken away (which it had)
so, i'm trying to figure out the meaning of this dream. i think it's probably because i feel old. i have been seeing Tori live for a decade now, and it's just hard to get my head around that. i think a lot about life, getting older, and death. i am trying to find a way to make peace with time and come to terms with the fact that i "can't stop what's coming, can't stop what is on it's way" and that i need to "make friends with time." i need to learn how to just take things as they come and not worry so much. i need to learn how to not take life for granted, to make every moment real. if i want to do things, i should just do things and not stress out about the process of doing them
i'm at Eileen's catsitting and just got some cherry tomatoes out of the garden for breakfast. i am totally exhilerated by the idea of taking something off the vine and putting it in my mouth. it makes my insides feel good.
Yesterday i made zuccini bread. it was kinda labor intensive for me and i don't think i'll be making it again, really. i also had a slight sugar disaster--i was pouring sugar from the canister into the 1 C measure and a big clump came loose and tons of sugar spilled all over the plate, counter and floor. it was a real bitchy to clean up. i love getting new recipes, maybe i should post a recipe here once in a while for whoever wants it.
Maysa texted (? is that the past tense of "to text? its so funny how language changes with technology, how "to text" and "to tivo" are now common verbs that everybody knows. "Facebook me" is another one. My dad was watching Charlie Rose yesterday and my favorite quotte from it was "Facebook has taken over our lives" which is kinda true). Anyway, Maysa texted me yesterday saying she and Scott want to come visit! they are coming on the 19th i'm so excited to give her her birthday pressies and burn her all my Christmas music!
i am running late, must go finish eating tomatoes and get ready for swimming
Days till the Solstice record: 59!
-i dreamed that she died in a plane crash.
-It was all over the forums but it was hard to tell if it was real or not at first.
-When it showed up on Undented, i knew it was real
-It was on the morning news (?) and in the newspaper
-i saw on one of the forums a post by a girl who used stills from a horror film to show how she was feeling
-People were posting tons of m+g videos
-Almost immediately (like early that day) there was a semi-official release of a dvd of a show from either the ADP tour or the Sinful Attraction Tour, but it was one whole show, not the "ADP DVD" or the "AATS DVD" (please Tori, give us these things in real life!:)
-i couldn't stop crying- it felt like a part of my life had been destroyed or taken away (which it had)
so, i'm trying to figure out the meaning of this dream. i think it's probably because i feel old. i have been seeing Tori live for a decade now, and it's just hard to get my head around that. i think a lot about life, getting older, and death. i am trying to find a way to make peace with time and come to terms with the fact that i "can't stop what's coming, can't stop what is on it's way" and that i need to "make friends with time." i need to learn how to just take things as they come and not worry so much. i need to learn how to not take life for granted, to make every moment real. if i want to do things, i should just do things and not stress out about the process of doing them
i'm at Eileen's catsitting and just got some cherry tomatoes out of the garden for breakfast. i am totally exhilerated by the idea of taking something off the vine and putting it in my mouth. it makes my insides feel good.
Yesterday i made zuccini bread. it was kinda labor intensive for me and i don't think i'll be making it again, really. i also had a slight sugar disaster--i was pouring sugar from the canister into the 1 C measure and a big clump came loose and tons of sugar spilled all over the plate, counter and floor. it was a real bitchy to clean up. i love getting new recipes, maybe i should post a recipe here once in a while for whoever wants it.
Maysa texted (? is that the past tense of "to text? its so funny how language changes with technology, how "to text" and "to tivo" are now common verbs that everybody knows. "Facebook me" is another one. My dad was watching Charlie Rose yesterday and my favorite quotte from it was "Facebook has taken over our lives" which is kinda true). Anyway, Maysa texted me yesterday saying she and Scott want to come visit! they are coming on the 19th i'm so excited to give her her birthday pressies and burn her all my Christmas music!
i am running late, must go finish eating tomatoes and get ready for swimming
Days till the Solstice record: 59!