alonr in a biege and white room
i almost had a total emotional breakdown while looking at my facebook page. everyone is so scattered now and i am having touble dealing. i have had horrible bouts of homsickness and continuous night of bad dreams (from which i got a break last night, thankfully) in these dreams i have experienced the following:
1st dream
-seeing everyone at kenyon here in Ft. Collins. i remember seeing Annah mosy of all. then waking up completely bummed that no, none of the people from kenyon who i love so much are here.
2nd dream
-seeing one of my best friends (who is in a wheelchair) standing up while having a violent siezure
- having a long and in depth conversation whith a telphone operator
-being raped by a fat guy and being totally trapped
3rd dream
-seeing my house on fire ad Jodie my younger sister trying to put it out with her hands, which were all i could see opf her. me not being there to help get everyone out (which they did but i still wasn't there)
i have spent my time baking and watching the food network. i have been reading and writing more which is good but i still feel almost completely alone and housebound even though i can ride the bus and my sister is just 10 minutes away. i have also tried contacting people in order to get more Toriness (detroit April '05, RedRocks '05, Saratoga Springs 99). almost no one has replied and it makes me feel even worse-like people have a natural aversion to me. i know this is rediculous and selfish, but i have always had a tendency to take almost everything way too personally)
i miss my parents
i miss my younger sister
i miss Dreyfus
i miss the cats
i miss Montana, Max and Hailey
somebody help me.
1st dream
-seeing everyone at kenyon here in Ft. Collins. i remember seeing Annah mosy of all. then waking up completely bummed that no, none of the people from kenyon who i love so much are here.
2nd dream
-seeing one of my best friends (who is in a wheelchair) standing up while having a violent siezure
- having a long and in depth conversation whith a telphone operator
-being raped by a fat guy and being totally trapped
3rd dream
-seeing my house on fire ad Jodie my younger sister trying to put it out with her hands, which were all i could see opf her. me not being there to help get everyone out (which they did but i still wasn't there)
i have spent my time baking and watching the food network. i have been reading and writing more which is good but i still feel almost completely alone and housebound even though i can ride the bus and my sister is just 10 minutes away. i have also tried contacting people in order to get more Toriness (detroit April '05, RedRocks '05, Saratoga Springs 99). almost no one has replied and it makes me feel even worse-like people have a natural aversion to me. i know this is rediculous and selfish, but i have always had a tendency to take almost everything way too personally)
i miss my parents
i miss my younger sister
i miss Dreyfus
i miss the cats
i miss Montana, Max and Hailey
somebody help me.