Musings, etc
Today I sat on the near empty bus and watched the businessmen walk up the street as we went past. Them in their three pieces suits and ties. All so somber.
But today seems somber.
It's severely overcast and there is rain in the near future.
Being in a building made mostly of glass during a thunderstorm is a daunting thing. It certainly makes you aware of your surroundings.
I realized I have much trepidation about this weekend and all of it is unfounded.
But there is something, too, I realized: every time I return to Pennsylvania, I feel this way.
I think part of me fears that if I return, somehow, some way, I will be prevented from returning to my life in Baltimore.
When it gets overcast, it affects my mood usually. I do not feel somber, but I do feel tired. My throat is better when compared to yesterday, but it is not healthy.
Speaking of healthy, I went to the doctors on Tuesday. I got a shot and have to go back in two months, then the month afterwards as well. I have been prescribed medication and hopefully it will help me with some of my anxieties.
Doubt is often in my mind. Not of others, but of myself.
Sometimes I want to write here things that which may seem suspect, but I know some will take it out of context. I have musings, but that does not mean I . . .
For instance, everyday I stare at the Metro tracks and wonder if the third rail will burn you to a crisp if you were to touch it. Do I want to jump out and reach for that rail? No, but some of you might think I do because I had such a thought.
*shakes head*
I think some of you worry entirely too much.
Which is ironic, because I am practically a chronic worrier.
But I have learned to deal with certain worries now and push others ones away until later. If I worried about all the stuff my brain thinks about on a daily basis, I could never function.
I know others function without me. I know that life goes on without me and will continue to do so when I am gone. Why ever think otherwise? I know I cannot solve everyone's problems. I cannot fix them. I cannot help those who do not help themselves. Worrying about what you have no control over is folly. It will drive you to distraction.
Time is needed, I suppose. There is so much of it, but there never seems like there is quite enough.
But today seems somber.
It's severely overcast and there is rain in the near future.
Being in a building made mostly of glass during a thunderstorm is a daunting thing. It certainly makes you aware of your surroundings.
I realized I have much trepidation about this weekend and all of it is unfounded.
But there is something, too, I realized: every time I return to Pennsylvania, I feel this way.
I think part of me fears that if I return, somehow, some way, I will be prevented from returning to my life in Baltimore.
When it gets overcast, it affects my mood usually. I do not feel somber, but I do feel tired. My throat is better when compared to yesterday, but it is not healthy.
Speaking of healthy, I went to the doctors on Tuesday. I got a shot and have to go back in two months, then the month afterwards as well. I have been prescribed medication and hopefully it will help me with some of my anxieties.
Doubt is often in my mind. Not of others, but of myself.
Sometimes I want to write here things that which may seem suspect, but I know some will take it out of context. I have musings, but that does not mean I . . .
For instance, everyday I stare at the Metro tracks and wonder if the third rail will burn you to a crisp if you were to touch it. Do I want to jump out and reach for that rail? No, but some of you might think I do because I had such a thought.
*shakes head*
I think some of you worry entirely too much.
Which is ironic, because I am practically a chronic worrier.
But I have learned to deal with certain worries now and push others ones away until later. If I worried about all the stuff my brain thinks about on a daily basis, I could never function.
I know others function without me. I know that life goes on without me and will continue to do so when I am gone. Why ever think otherwise? I know I cannot solve everyone's problems. I cannot fix them. I cannot help those who do not help themselves. Worrying about what you have no control over is folly. It will drive you to distraction.
Time is needed, I suppose. There is so much of it, but there never seems like there is quite enough.