dear brain...you make my head all crazy like...please stop immediately.
you know what i wish?
i wish that the technology that was in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' was real. i wish that you could just go to the doctor and have him erase someone out of your life, your mind, your memories forever. all the pain, worry, jealousy, heartbreak, etc...just washed away...that would be awesome.
man...
i am sooooo tired!
i think i'm going to die.
i think i might be going to peterborough this weekend? perhaps?
i dunno...we shall see.
i have been quite up and down as of late. it seems that recently it has been more down than up...*le sigh*
this mood thing is going to drive me to insanity! i really can't see myself living the rest of my life with this stupid hell of a brain!
man...i can't wait to get out of this house! i can't wait to move back to peterborough...
i just want to be on my own again!
i just want to live in silence...to box myself up in my tiny little room and not talk to anyone! that would be cool.
i've been thinking about my life a lot lately. and i have decided that i do not like it. i do not like what i was, i do not like what i made myself, i do not like what i have become now...and it seems that since i have been changing myself so much, i have forgotten who i am...or maybe i never really knew to begin with? this is also a possibility.
i don't know how much longer my relationship with rob can last. i realize this is a one-sided thing (on my side) but it scares the crap out of me when i find myself looking at him and in my mind going 'i really don't know if i'm in love with you anymore...' yeah...after all the shit he's put me through lately it's no wonder.
i really hate him (with good reasons i can't tell anyone...sorry)
he understands why i hate him.
it's the most horrible gut-wrenching feeling to realize that you are madly in love with someone you hate, and most of your stress is eminating from that one person that means the most to you.
i love him, don't get me wrong. things are just gonna have to change if i'm gonna stay with him. i keep trying to warn him, but i really don't think he gets it...and i know if i say anything, he'll just freak out and take it the wrong way.
he's a hard one to love.
he makes it hard himself.
i know i'm hard to love as well...but i've been trying to change...i suppose.
i dunno, i'm done with that topic though.
i really do need to be away from this house though...
i really do need to be away from this life...
i wish i could run away...maybe not forever...but just for awhile.
just run away from everything.
just give up on all this shit.
that would be awesome.
anywho, i realize at this point i am simply rambling, so i will stop.
i love you all! i miss you bunches!
~me
i wish that the technology that was in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' was real. i wish that you could just go to the doctor and have him erase someone out of your life, your mind, your memories forever. all the pain, worry, jealousy, heartbreak, etc...just washed away...that would be awesome.
man...
i am sooooo tired!
i think i'm going to die.
i think i might be going to peterborough this weekend? perhaps?
i dunno...we shall see.
i have been quite up and down as of late. it seems that recently it has been more down than up...*le sigh*
this mood thing is going to drive me to insanity! i really can't see myself living the rest of my life with this stupid hell of a brain!
man...i can't wait to get out of this house! i can't wait to move back to peterborough...
i just want to be on my own again!
i just want to live in silence...to box myself up in my tiny little room and not talk to anyone! that would be cool.
i've been thinking about my life a lot lately. and i have decided that i do not like it. i do not like what i was, i do not like what i made myself, i do not like what i have become now...and it seems that since i have been changing myself so much, i have forgotten who i am...or maybe i never really knew to begin with? this is also a possibility.
i don't know how much longer my relationship with rob can last. i realize this is a one-sided thing (on my side) but it scares the crap out of me when i find myself looking at him and in my mind going 'i really don't know if i'm in love with you anymore...' yeah...after all the shit he's put me through lately it's no wonder.
i really hate him (with good reasons i can't tell anyone...sorry)
he understands why i hate him.
it's the most horrible gut-wrenching feeling to realize that you are madly in love with someone you hate, and most of your stress is eminating from that one person that means the most to you.
i love him, don't get me wrong. things are just gonna have to change if i'm gonna stay with him. i keep trying to warn him, but i really don't think he gets it...and i know if i say anything, he'll just freak out and take it the wrong way.
he's a hard one to love.
he makes it hard himself.
i know i'm hard to love as well...but i've been trying to change...i suppose.
i dunno, i'm done with that topic though.
i really do need to be away from this house though...
i really do need to be away from this life...
i wish i could run away...maybe not forever...but just for awhile.
just run away from everything.
just give up on all this shit.
that would be awesome.
anywho, i realize at this point i am simply rambling, so i will stop.
i love you all! i miss you bunches!
~me