Weirdness
Basically, I've put some conversations between me and my friend at college up on the nano boards for nicking if anyone wants to use them. If anyone wants 'em, feel free to use, but I thought I'd post them here too just because they're funny as hell.
For the record, she is Chinese. And wishes she was Japanese.
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not tiny!
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not ti---a lesbian!
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not a lesbian.
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Bisexual?
Her: I'm nooooooot.
Me: You're a Tiny Japanese Bisexual?
Her: You're my best friend!
Me: I thought A or S were your best friend?
Her: It's DIFFERENT!
Me: Ohh, like how B, J and you are all my best friends?
Her: Yeahhh! But J can go to hell and I can replace her.
Me: Okay, but then I'll have to want to shag you.
Her: ...............*screams*
Her: Did you do your work?
Me: ...Don't be daft.
Her: It was due before we broke up!
Me: You broke up with me?!
Her: -headdesks-
Me: Dude?
Her: ...
Me: Dude? Dude? Dude?
Her: My name is [name]! Not dude. I do not answer to DUDE.
Me: ...
Her: ...
Me: Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude?
Her: Yes?! ...Damnit!
[I'm on the phone to B, she's sat next to me]
Me: She refuses to believe she's a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
B: Put her on the phone so I can tell her.
Me: He wants to talk to you.
Her: Why?
Me: So he can tell you you're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: ...........!! *angry, angry face*
Me: She says no.
[B and I kept being disconnected on the phone.]
Me: Dude! We disconnected!
B: You hung up on me!
Me: Did not! If I did, I would tell you, then do it. I have a track record, remember.
B: True. [click]
Me: Argh! [phones back] DUDE! Phone fail! Dude, are you there? Dude? Dude?
B: Soph?!
Me: Yay! [click] Oh... for crying out... [calls back]
Her: Maybe he hates you.
B: Soph!
Me: K reckons you hate me.
B: I--[click]
Me: Oh, ffs.
Her: Stop phoning him back. You're getting annoying.
Me: ... I'm so glad it's not annoying ME.
[She and I are discussing a Danni I met, with a Danny - who is a friend of ours - in the classroom.]
Her: What's her name?
Me: Danni.
Her: Danny?
Me: Danni.
Danny: [looks confused]
Her: WE'RE NOT TALKING TO YOU, GO AWAY.
Me: [laughs]
Her: ...So, Danni.
Me: Danni.
Her: Danni, Danni. Danni.
Danny: ?????
Us: [laughter]
Danny: I kept hearing my name and being confused!
Her: You speak to them.
Me: It's you who WANTS to speak to them.
Her: But she's a bitch.
Me: Have you ever even spoken to her? Do you even know who she is?
Her: She looks like a bitch.
Me: You talk to them.
Her: No, you.
Me: K, it's you who wants to.
Her: You ask them.
Me: Ask them what?
Her: You know.
Me: I do?
Her: ...
Me: We're really not getting anywhere. Let's just go back in there and talk to them.
Her: But now we've walked in once! It'll look weird to walk back in!
Me: Instead of arguing outside?
Me: I thought you were going to the toilet?
Her: There were people in there.
[I'm sat on the loo when I hear giggling, and then a piece of wet toilet paper flies over the door and almost hits me. I'd like to clarify it was wet from the tap, not anything else. I damn well hope. I step outside.]
Me: Wtf?
Her: Wasn't me!
M: It was!
Me: ...But why?
Her: ...
M: She tried climbing up on the sink and looking over the edge but she was too short.
Her: The door was too high.
Me: Why? Why? Why would you even do that?!
Her: ...I was bored.
[I use a mouse left handed, so I always move it over. She sits on my left.]
Her: Don't you dare move it! I'll end up grabbing your mouse by mistake!
Me: But...
Her: I always end up grabbing your mouse!
Me: [moves mouse, sultry voice...] Ooh, Kathy, I love it when you grab my mouse.
Her: ....-facepalm-
Me: I love how your eyes pop whenever you see boobs.
Her: [seeing a leggy blonde in short shorts, drooling a little] God, she's sexy...
Me: Yeah, you're totally straight.
[She has a headache, so I gave her a pack of paracetamol. The first strip was all popped out, but there were two strips of four underneath. She taps them all, as though counting or going "eenie meanie minie mo".]
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I was gonna have this one but it screamed DON'T EAT ME so now I'm trying to find another one.
Me: Stop personifying my drugs.
Her: I remember the first time I saw you. You were stood by the door and someone came in and knocked you over.
Me: Story of my life. And we met when you somehow stepped on my toe while sitting down!
Her: Did not!
Me: Yeah, well, I don't remember the door incident either.
[Both happened, I remember them now.]
Me: He's a gay boy.
Her: He's cuuuute.
M: He walks like a gay boy.
Her: Shut up!
Me: He's also a twat.
Her: He isn't!
Me: He called me boring and weird.
Her: You are boring and weird.
M: K!
Her: Well, you just sat in the corner and read.
Me: And you stepped on people's toes while sitting down!
Her: ...
[About the same boy, she walked off to see him and I met her back at class]
Her: I said you don't like him and he said good, he doesn't like you either.
Me: Okay then.
Her: So I asked why.
Me: Oh dear.
Her: [whispers something]
Me: What?
Her: [whispers again]
Me: I really can't hear you.
Her: [shouts] He said it's because you write porn!
Me: ...I knew that'd come back and bite me in the ass.
Me: I thought I heard the TARDIS.
Her: You're so weird.
Me: God, she's hot.
Her: Sophie!
Me: What? Like you wouldn't be perving on a hot boy.
Her: I would not. Ooh, he's cute.
Me: Tadah.
Her: Are we going to the chipsy?
Me: The what?
Her: The chipsy?
Me: Chipsy?
Her: It is chipsy, isn't it?
Me: ...Chippy.
Her: Chipsy!
Me: CHIPPY.
Her: Chip-py.
Me: -nods- Now ya got it.
[This happens a lot with a bunch of different words:]
Her: Nebusary.
Me: Necessary.
Her: Necubary?
Me: Ness.
Her: Ness.
Me: Ass.
Her: Ass.
Me: Sary.
Her: Sary.
Me: Necassary.
Her: Necassary.
Me: There ya go.
Her: Nebuasy.
Me: ...
Me: You're so short.
Her: I'm not!
Me: You areee!
Her: 5'2" is a perfectly reasonable height!
Me: In short world!
Me: Your legs are too short.
Her: Yours are too long.
Me: Touché.
Her: You're a C? I'm a B!
Me: How the hell are you a B?! You have boobs coming out of your ears!
Her: I do not have boobs coming out of my ears. *claps hands over them*
Her: Can I borrow a pound to go get water?
Me: Yeah, but only if I'm buying your boob.
Her: ...
Me: -offers pound-
Her: -accepts-
[A few days later]
Me: -pokes her left boob-
Her: Hey! That's mine!
Me: No it isn't, I have it on lease. Also, you still owe me a pound.
Her: ...damn it.
[We walk past a boy who has been in the same (small) class as us for a year, but has recently ended up in another one]
M: Hi J!
Me: -starts blushing-
Her: Who's that?
M: ...J?
Her: Who?
M: We've been in the same class for a year. It's J!
Her: ...J?
M: The one Sophie likes?
Her: OHHHH!
Me: Shut up! ...Actually, don't. He's the only thing between me and lesbianism.
[Talking about wool]
Her: I want it not too thick but not too thin.
Me: I know you do.
Her: ...
Me: Why are you getting married to a guy you don't even like?
Her: We're not getting married. We're only getting engaged.
Me: Engagement leads to marriage.
Her: No it doesn't. It just means we're engaged.
Me: Engaged is what you get before marriage.
Her: I get a ring.
Me: Fair dues.
Me: Can I see your phone?
Her: Sure.
Me: -fiddles-
Her: Why...what...what did you do to my phone?!
Me: >.> Nothing.
Her: It's... it's... CHANGE IT BACK.
Me: Nah.
Her: Please!
Me: Maybe later.
Her: -.-
Me: Okay, fine. -changes-
Her: ...What did you do THIS TIME?
Me: I changed it.
Her: BACK. CHANGE IT BACK. I'M NOT COLOUR BLIND.
Me: Geez.... I'm only messing. -changes-
Her: ...Okay, now what did you do?
Me: Nothing.
Her: ...Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Her: -looks- CHANGE IT BACK!
Me: I only inverted the colours!
Her: I WANT IT BACK HOW IT WAS!
Me: ....later.
Me: Can I see your phone?
Her: Sure. -passes-
Me: -twiddles, gives back-
Her: What did you do?
Me: Check facebook.
Status: [name] is a TIny Chinese Lesbian. Obvs.
Her: SOPHIE!
Me: Well, it's true!
Her: -walks past me, puts my hood up-
Me: ...-takes hood down-
Her: -walks back the other way, puts hood up-
Me: WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?
Her: What?
Me: I rock ass with the Cordy quotage.
Her: ...What?
Me: I'm a nerd. Leave it at that.
Her: South Park!! Kenny is sooooo cute!
Me: My dad has a Kenny doll. It's about yay-high.
Her: Why does he have a Kenny doll?
Me: Because... he wanted one?
Her: He's too old to have a Kenny doll!
Me: I'm telling my dad you say he's old.
Her: -wails-
There are more below the cut. On another note...
For the record, she is Chinese. And wishes she was Japanese.
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not tiny!
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not ti---a lesbian!
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: I'm not a lesbian.
Me: You're a Tiny Chinese Bisexual?
Her: I'm nooooooot.
Me: You're a Tiny Japanese Bisexual?
Her: You're my best friend!
Me: I thought A or S were your best friend?
Her: It's DIFFERENT!
Me: Ohh, like how B, J and you are all my best friends?
Her: Yeahhh! But J can go to hell and I can replace her.
Me: Okay, but then I'll have to want to shag you.
Her: ...............*screams*
Her: Did you do your work?
Me: ...Don't be daft.
Her: It was due before we broke up!
Me: You broke up with me?!
Her: -headdesks-
Me: Dude?
Her: ...
Me: Dude? Dude? Dude?
Her: My name is [name]! Not dude. I do not answer to DUDE.
Me: ...
Her: ...
Me: Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude? Dude?
Her: Yes?! ...Damnit!
[I'm on the phone to B, she's sat next to me]
Me: She refuses to believe she's a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
B: Put her on the phone so I can tell her.
Me: He wants to talk to you.
Her: Why?
Me: So he can tell you you're a Tiny Chinese Lesbian.
Her: ...........!! *angry, angry face*
Me: She says no.
[B and I kept being disconnected on the phone.]
Me: Dude! We disconnected!
B: You hung up on me!
Me: Did not! If I did, I would tell you, then do it. I have a track record, remember.
B: True. [click]
Me: Argh! [phones back] DUDE! Phone fail! Dude, are you there? Dude? Dude?
B: Soph?!
Me: Yay! [click] Oh... for crying out... [calls back]
Her: Maybe he hates you.
B: Soph!
Me: K reckons you hate me.
B: I--[click]
Me: Oh, ffs.
Her: Stop phoning him back. You're getting annoying.
Me: ... I'm so glad it's not annoying ME.
[She and I are discussing a Danni I met, with a Danny - who is a friend of ours - in the classroom.]
Her: What's her name?
Me: Danni.
Her: Danny?
Me: Danni.
Danny: [looks confused]
Her: WE'RE NOT TALKING TO YOU, GO AWAY.
Me: [laughs]
Her: ...So, Danni.
Me: Danni.
Her: Danni, Danni. Danni.
Danny: ?????
Us: [laughter]
Danny: I kept hearing my name and being confused!
Her: You speak to them.
Me: It's you who WANTS to speak to them.
Her: But she's a bitch.
Me: Have you ever even spoken to her? Do you even know who she is?
Her: She looks like a bitch.
Me: You talk to them.
Her: No, you.
Me: K, it's you who wants to.
Her: You ask them.
Me: Ask them what?
Her: You know.
Me: I do?
Her: ...
Me: We're really not getting anywhere. Let's just go back in there and talk to them.
Her: But now we've walked in once! It'll look weird to walk back in!
Me: Instead of arguing outside?
Me: I thought you were going to the toilet?
Her: There were people in there.
[I'm sat on the loo when I hear giggling, and then a piece of wet toilet paper flies over the door and almost hits me. I'd like to clarify it was wet from the tap, not anything else. I damn well hope. I step outside.]
Me: Wtf?
Her: Wasn't me!
M: It was!
Me: ...But why?
Her: ...
M: She tried climbing up on the sink and looking over the edge but she was too short.
Her: The door was too high.
Me: Why? Why? Why would you even do that?!
Her: ...I was bored.
[I use a mouse left handed, so I always move it over. She sits on my left.]
Her: Don't you dare move it! I'll end up grabbing your mouse by mistake!
Me: But...
Her: I always end up grabbing your mouse!
Me: [moves mouse, sultry voice...] Ooh, Kathy, I love it when you grab my mouse.
Her: ....-facepalm-
Me: I love how your eyes pop whenever you see boobs.
Her: [seeing a leggy blonde in short shorts, drooling a little] God, she's sexy...
Me: Yeah, you're totally straight.
[She has a headache, so I gave her a pack of paracetamol. The first strip was all popped out, but there were two strips of four underneath. She taps them all, as though counting or going "eenie meanie minie mo".]
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I was gonna have this one but it screamed DON'T EAT ME so now I'm trying to find another one.
Me: Stop personifying my drugs.
Her: I remember the first time I saw you. You were stood by the door and someone came in and knocked you over.
Me: Story of my life. And we met when you somehow stepped on my toe while sitting down!
Her: Did not!
Me: Yeah, well, I don't remember the door incident either.
[Both happened, I remember them now.]
Me: He's a gay boy.
Her: He's cuuuute.
M: He walks like a gay boy.
Her: Shut up!
Me: He's also a twat.
Her: He isn't!
Me: He called me boring and weird.
Her: You are boring and weird.
M: K!
Her: Well, you just sat in the corner and read.
Me: And you stepped on people's toes while sitting down!
Her: ...
[About the same boy, she walked off to see him and I met her back at class]
Her: I said you don't like him and he said good, he doesn't like you either.
Me: Okay then.
Her: So I asked why.
Me: Oh dear.
Her: [whispers something]
Me: What?
Her: [whispers again]
Me: I really can't hear you.
Her: [shouts] He said it's because you write porn!
Me: ...I knew that'd come back and bite me in the ass.
Me: I thought I heard the TARDIS.
Her: You're so weird.
Me: God, she's hot.
Her: Sophie!
Me: What? Like you wouldn't be perving on a hot boy.
Her: I would not. Ooh, he's cute.
Me: Tadah.
Her: Are we going to the chipsy?
Me: The what?
Her: The chipsy?
Me: Chipsy?
Her: It is chipsy, isn't it?
Me: ...Chippy.
Her: Chipsy!
Me: CHIPPY.
Her: Chip-py.
Me: -nods- Now ya got it.
[This happens a lot with a bunch of different words:]
Her: Nebusary.
Me: Necessary.
Her: Necubary?
Me: Ness.
Her: Ness.
Me: Ass.
Her: Ass.
Me: Sary.
Her: Sary.
Me: Necassary.
Her: Necassary.
Me: There ya go.
Her: Nebuasy.
Me: ...
Me: You're so short.
Her: I'm not!
Me: You areee!
Her: 5'2" is a perfectly reasonable height!
Me: In short world!
Me: Your legs are too short.
Her: Yours are too long.
Me: Touché.
Her: You're a C? I'm a B!
Me: How the hell are you a B?! You have boobs coming out of your ears!
Her: I do not have boobs coming out of my ears. *claps hands over them*
Her: Can I borrow a pound to go get water?
Me: Yeah, but only if I'm buying your boob.
Her: ...
Me: -offers pound-
Her: -accepts-
[A few days later]
Me: -pokes her left boob-
Her: Hey! That's mine!
Me: No it isn't, I have it on lease. Also, you still owe me a pound.
Her: ...damn it.
[We walk past a boy who has been in the same (small) class as us for a year, but has recently ended up in another one]
M: Hi J!
Me: -starts blushing-
Her: Who's that?
M: ...J?
Her: Who?
M: We've been in the same class for a year. It's J!
Her: ...J?
M: The one Sophie likes?
Her: OHHHH!
Me: Shut up! ...Actually, don't. He's the only thing between me and lesbianism.
[Talking about wool]
Her: I want it not too thick but not too thin.
Me: I know you do.
Her: ...
Me: Why are you getting married to a guy you don't even like?
Her: We're not getting married. We're only getting engaged.
Me: Engagement leads to marriage.
Her: No it doesn't. It just means we're engaged.
Me: Engaged is what you get before marriage.
Her: I get a ring.
Me: Fair dues.
Me: Can I see your phone?
Her: Sure.
Me: -fiddles-
Her: Why...what...what did you do to my phone?!
Me: >.> Nothing.
Her: It's... it's... CHANGE IT BACK.
Me: Nah.
Her: Please!
Me: Maybe later.
Her: -.-
Me: Okay, fine. -changes-
Her: ...What did you do THIS TIME?
Me: I changed it.
Her: BACK. CHANGE IT BACK. I'M NOT COLOUR BLIND.
Me: Geez.... I'm only messing. -changes-
Her: ...Okay, now what did you do?
Me: Nothing.
Her: ...Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Her: -looks- CHANGE IT BACK!
Me: I only inverted the colours!
Her: I WANT IT BACK HOW IT WAS!
Me: ....later.
Me: Can I see your phone?
Her: Sure. -passes-
Me: -twiddles, gives back-
Her: What did you do?
Me: Check facebook.
Status: [name] is a TIny Chinese Lesbian. Obvs.
Her: SOPHIE!
Me: Well, it's true!
Her: -walks past me, puts my hood up-
Me: ...-takes hood down-
Her: -walks back the other way, puts hood up-
Me: WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?
Her: What?
Me: I rock ass with the Cordy quotage.
Her: ...What?
Me: I'm a nerd. Leave it at that.
Her: South Park!! Kenny is sooooo cute!
Me: My dad has a Kenny doll. It's about yay-high.
Her: Why does he have a Kenny doll?
Me: Because... he wanted one?
Her: He's too old to have a Kenny doll!
Me: I'm telling my dad you say he's old.
Her: -wails-
There are more below the cut. On another note...