good can emerge from a horrible event.
Everything happens for a reason. Have you ever heard that one before? I bet you have. I personally, choose to accept this, when I see the outcome as good. It wasn't until recently that I applied it to bad things that had happened to me. Like my biological dad dying or me getting sent to a girls home or getting my heart broken.All three events make one point. My dad dying isn't something I'm happy about, but to be completely honest, I'm kind of thankful that he did. He wasn't the best person in the world. All my memories of him are good, although I only have a few. I think they're all good because I chose to remember the good things instead of the bad. Truth is, he had a drug problem, and he was an alcoholic, and on top of those two things, he had a temper. I ask my mom about my dad sometimes, she never talks badly about him, she just tells me the truth. He hit her, but she loved him so much that she stayed with him, but she left him when he tried to hit me. I don't remember that because I was barely one when they split up. He drank and drove with me in the car, and how ironic that he died of a car accident. I believe he killed himself. My mom refuses to believe so, but doesn't it seem suspicious that he died less than a mile away from where his brother died? at almost the exact time of night? I think it was suicide. But what good could come from a father's death? well what if he hadn't died that night and i was with him? he's drunk and tired, and he wrecks. Well I would've probably died too. If he hadn't have died, I probably would be doing drugs or partying every weekend. I think that's what I'm most thankful for. Since he was a drug addict, don't you think I would've started it as well. And he wouldn't mind? I'm so thankful that I don't do that kind of stuff. I'm not perfect patty, but I do have morals and standards that I am not willing to compromise. If my dad were alive, I would've never gone to Holy Highway. It's a girls home. I hate that place. That place was so horrible that I have blocked out most of the memories I have of it. It should have been called the highway to hell. Anyway, I was ms popular my freshman year. I had just moved schools and I fit the profile, so I became friends with the most popular people in school. I dated numerous boys. Popularity changed me though. I became mean and cruel. I made fun of people who were different. I wouldn't even go to wal-mart with my mom anymore if I thought she would go into the clothing section. I had a major attitude problem. My parents, trying to help me, sent me to this girls home. No one was there for the reason I was. Sure they had attitude problems, but they also had drug problems, alcohol problems, sex addictions, and they stole. I was patty perfect compared to most of these girls. No one there liked me. They all ridiculed me. I had no friends. So, I turned to food. Thus, gaining 40 wondeous pounds. I was only there for four months, my mom pulled me out of there when she saw that not only had i not gotten better. But now, I was ten times worse. I wasn't just mean now, I was emotionally unstable. I had completely lost my faith in God, thanks to these people shoving Him down my throat every day, and I couldn't hold a conversation without breaking down in tears. When I went back to my high school I no longer fit the popular profile. I was fat. How could this be a good thing? Well the for the obvious reason, they weren't really my friends. If someone is only your friend because you're pretty and wear really cute clothes and carry the latest coach purse, they aren't your friends. I'm thankful that they shunned me, because they partied all the time. Their parties always got busted. I heard of some of my former "best friends" getting slapped with MIP's. Funny thing is though, a lot of those people in the top ten percent of my class, they partied every weekend, getting wasted and high. I probably could have gone to a better college with a scholarship if I hadn't of gone to Holy Highway, but I probably wouldn't be doing well in college at all if I had stayed at my high school. Once again, drugs and partying, not something I want to have on my list of regrets or my permanent record. This brings me to my last event, then I promise we will get to the point I'm trying to make. If I would have stayed at my school, and not gone off to that horrible place, I would have never met Brandon. The boy I gave everything to, only to end up with a broken heart. Brandon doesn't exactly fit the bill on the popularity profile. Sure he was popular, a lot of people knew him, but only because he was a trouble maker and a man-hoe. I won't go into much detail there. If Holy Highway never would've happened, Brandon White would have been nothing to me, because I would've looked right passed him. A blip on my radar would've been him. I would've been the one to break his heart, but instead he broke mine. But a broken heart isn't always a bad thing. Yeah, you're hurting and thinking about them constantly and trying not to sleep because you know if you sleep you'll dream about them, but all this pain you're feeling, it doesn't go away, but one day you wake up and it doesn't hurt as much. Maybe because you get used to it. I don't know. But Brandon breaking my heart, is the most valuable lesson I've learned. And I learned it at a young age. My mom learned it with my biological dad and didn't get out of that relationship until she was out of high school, married, and had a baby. He taught me to gaurd my heart, he taught me love isn't easy and sometimes it's not mutual. And when a person is making you cry more than smile, they're not worth it. Last but not least, he taught me to follow my brain and not my heart. Because your heart feels what it wants, but your brain has knowledge of past events and it knows the factual evidence. You can love a person more than anything, but if it's not meant to be, it won't happen. Because everything happens for a reason. If we examine the bad in life, we can find good in most things. I have a few things that I'm still trying to figure out why they happened. But I also know that one day, I'll find at least one good outcome.
I know this was hella long and I'm sorry for that, but I think it was worth it.
-brittany