(no subject)
"So many times I thought I've been changing,
then slipped into patterns of what's happened before"
Jim Croce from the song "Hey Tomorrow"
Recently I've been trying to make changes. To finally be independent and achieve some sense of self respect. What I have found is that it is extremely difficult. I don't know exactly what is wrong with me. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but I think I must have other things wrong with me as well. Everything for me which is a change, no matter how small, is uncomfortable and causes anxiety which causes problems for me physically as well, such as not feeling like eating. I'm going to keep trying and hopefully I can over time get used to and settle into beneficial changes and then go on from there. Maybe I should just try and do it all at once, but that is overwhelming for me, so I'm going at a more gradual pace and hopefully I can make some progress. I've upped my medication, which causes problems of its own such as making me feel tired more, but I've got to try it. I feel as though I've been robbed of many things due to my disorders, and I'm trying to fight it now for my own reasons. The hardest part is being motivated to do things. I have gotten used to not doing much of anything or ever leaving the house much because everything seems so hard to do. It all has seemed hopeless, and so I haven't even tried until recently. This is a defining moment in my life. As I have posted before, I cannot go on like I have been. If I cannot get better now or in the near future, I fear I never will. If I fail, it will be devastating. Time will tell....
then slipped into patterns of what's happened before"
Jim Croce from the song "Hey Tomorrow"
Recently I've been trying to make changes. To finally be independent and achieve some sense of self respect. What I have found is that it is extremely difficult. I don't know exactly what is wrong with me. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but I think I must have other things wrong with me as well. Everything for me which is a change, no matter how small, is uncomfortable and causes anxiety which causes problems for me physically as well, such as not feeling like eating. I'm going to keep trying and hopefully I can over time get used to and settle into beneficial changes and then go on from there. Maybe I should just try and do it all at once, but that is overwhelming for me, so I'm going at a more gradual pace and hopefully I can make some progress. I've upped my medication, which causes problems of its own such as making me feel tired more, but I've got to try it. I feel as though I've been robbed of many things due to my disorders, and I'm trying to fight it now for my own reasons. The hardest part is being motivated to do things. I have gotten used to not doing much of anything or ever leaving the house much because everything seems so hard to do. It all has seemed hopeless, and so I haven't even tried until recently. This is a defining moment in my life. As I have posted before, I cannot go on like I have been. If I cannot get better now or in the near future, I fear I never will. If I fail, it will be devastating. Time will tell....