another day
So, its yet another day. Things have been oddly busy around here yet boring and uneventfull. I don't quite get it really, its like I keep waiting for something big to happen and nothing does... I'm sortta on edge and disapointed every moment because what ever is suposed to happen decides not to and I'm left like a child expecting his mother to come and pick him up after school and when she never shows up, he has to feel sorry, cause things really arn't his fault, and he knows that everyone else doesn't really wanna hang around untill someone gets thier shit together. I really busted my ass practicing the violin this summer. My teacher says that it is well enough time for my very own full recital. This means that there will be an hour dedicated to me for people to show up and listen to what ever music I have worked so long to be able to make, and this also makes me nervous, because it seems as if this is all I have left to define who I was, and who I have become now; the only thing that has been there for as long as it was somewhere to be. I am learing how it is to be alone, and also how to entertain myself, really, I think that once someone spends thier time with someone, they never really think for themselves anymore, and they rely on their other to help them out, every step, so most of your time is spent talking to someone who you have become quite comfortable doing nothing with. Then as beautiful and fabulous as that was, alone, you realize that doing nothing alone just isn't good enough, so at first you go out of your way in an almost fanatic sense to find someone to occupy you, because you can't stand being alone. Once you realize that no one really can be there for you because they don't satisfy you, or they are too busy, or you really just don't satisfy you either, you look around for things that you can do, ways to improve, creation, literature, art. I've never thought I've really had a significant ammount of any gift, my pictures are all sub par, my music is a shadow of perfection and completeness, and and far as my writing goes, I can't really say I thrill myself anyways, and I'm sure the 3 people that may glance at this every now and again are tired of me whining anyways. You know, next time I post, I'll try and make it fun. Sorry.