Jan 15, 2011 11:01
So what does it mean to really take control of your life? I am finding it means to totally examine my motivations for my feelings and really get a the heart of why I react to certain things. If I see an endless cycle of pain and misery that stems only from my perception of things, then it’s time to do something drastic to break that cycle.
Three and a half months ago I started dating a woman who I really have feelings for. She’s not perfect and has a lot of baggage, but there was a real connection between the two of us. I know I’m certainly not perfect either, and since I always try to look at the positive her issues were no big deal. The problem is that bad baggage seems to come back to haunt people.
Things seemed to be going fine until 12/24 on a Facebook IM she basically puts me on a shelf indefinitely saying, “I know I’ve been distant, I’m putting my defenses up and I need some space right now.” Well, ok what can I say to that? I get an email from her 12/30 saying, “Thanks for the space, I haven’t forgotten about you and we’ll talk soon.”
Finally we communicate on FB IM’s, a couple weeks later. I got a little put off by the fact that she seemed like nothing was really going on. When I asked her flat out she said, “I don’t really know; I don’t like to burden people with my issues.” After pushing she admits that she doesn’t want to drag me down with some shit in her life and that she’s afraid of being hurt with what comes naturally in a relationship. I try to convince her that I’m the kind of guy she would want to keep close and that I can help but it seemed as if she can’t get beyond her past issues to see that. To make a long story short, she said she still needed space. I had a little hope as up until that point I was expecting to be flat out dumped but it didn’t change the fact that getting put on a shelf was still VERY depressing and was having a physical effect on me. Then yesterday I took another look at the situation and considered a course of action that I would normally have immediately ruled out.
I am now considering telling her that if this continues any longer we are done, and following through by ending it.
While I feel this course of action will be the “taking control” that I referred to I am scared that later on the blame for the relationship being over (and my inevitable loneliness) will rest solely on my shoulders. I will completely regret it thinking that I over-reacted and should have let things play out. Since I seem to have problems meeting relationship-quality women I know I will likely blame myself for this and my future depression.
However, I just can’t get over entertaining the option of ditching her now before I have to spend more time in misery over missing her. I do think she does really like and appreciate me, but I just wish she could understand that she doesn’t have to do any of this, as her fears are very unfounded. The only thing that is stopping me is the small amount of hope I cling to that I can convince her of this.
Yesterday on Facebook I posted about examining an option I would normally rule out. Dumping her for all of this is that exactly.