Wondering...
*edit 6-11-08* Upon reading Robby's comment and re-reading my entry, I'm glad I posted it here first. The post wasn't so much about why people are getting married- see Jeff's comment and my response. My question, and what I was really wondering, is why people blindly accept what society, parents, and good ole Walt have instilled in us as being the thing that will make us ultimately happy. Even if you're ready to enter a marriage or have a kid, being ready and the time being right are not one and the same.
To put it another way: Sure, my Dad loves me and my sister and my Mom, and I'm sure we do make him happy. But the things that make him *really* happy are building airplanes, working on cars, and painting. Those are the real loves of his life- more than hobbies, they're what he was doing before we were born, the things he put off to raise his family, the things that define who he is. I'm not saying he loves us any less, or doesn't enjoy those things more when he does them with me or my sister, I'm just saying that there's more to him than "Dad" and "Husband".
I hope that if and when the time comes for me, I'll be more than that, too. *end edit*
While my MySpace is being watched, I don't necessarily want people reading this and misinterpreting.
Once again, I'm not exactly sure whether anybody reads here anymore or not, but it'll be useful to get this out and typed so I can copy it and move it over later.
So here's what I'm wondering: Why are so many people getting married lately?
And it's not even that. I'm not opposed to marriage, although it'd take nothing less than absolutely the right woman under absolutely the right conditions for me to even consider that major of an operation (that operation being putting your balls in a mason jar on a shelf next to your soul- a nice high shelf where you won't be able to control either of them ever again).
In all seriousness, for a guy, marriage is a major gamble, especially in a state like Texas that so heavily favors women in divorce proceedings (seriously- when was the last time a woman in Texas had to pay alimony or child support?). Really, you're betting half of everything you own on an institution that has more than a 50% failure rate. At best, you're betting half your assets on a coin toss.
Not that I have many assets, but I'm old enough I need to start thinking about getting some. I'm working toward that end, slowly but surely.
But let's assume I find the perfect woman and she signs a prenup so I'm no worse off after if we do get divorced. Then what? Society expects us to get married and instantly start working on 2.5 kids, a dog and a house.
Now, look, I've got *nothing* against family. Nobody will argue, especially in our culture, the importance of family.
What I'm asking here is what happens to everything I wanted when I was single? Obviously, single life goes out the window, and that has its pros and cons. Assuming an ideal situation, you're trading trying to get laid (and possibly succeeding) with random strangers and getting smashed out on the town for constant certain sex with one person while staying at home saving money but still enjoying yourself.
But what about the other things single people plan? Around El Paso, they don't, so much. But I have a list of things as long as my arm that I want to do. I want to see Europe, Japan, and Alaska. I want to hike the Grand Canyon with my Father and my dog. I want to learn to surf and surf pipe in Hawaii. I want to try living in Vegas and Wyoming and San Antonio. I want to sail around the world (well, sailing is optional- any boat will do). I want the world to hear my name.
Yet, when we get married, all that takes second place to wife and kids. Third if you want yourself in there somewhere.
Maybe it's just that my priorities are different.
I had a conversation on MySpace with a friend. She did a survey, and one of the questions was when she wanted to have kids. Her answer was something to the effect of 'by 25'. She's just now 21. I wrote back and said "Yikes". She responded that she's always been mature by her age and thought she'd be ready by the time she was 25.
And that's the heart of what I'm getting at. Why have kids just because you're ready? Why get married because you think it's time?
Society has drilled into our skulls that these things will make us happy. And I'm sure parenthood is beautiful and joyful, but look around for real some time. You'll see people fairly regularly that obviously feel trapped by their lives. I have a friend with a kid, and he loves her to death, but you can tell it pains him not being able to go out all the damn time. He wasn't ready, although he's stepped to the challenge quite well.
But how many people out there are stuck doing the soccer mom/dad thing, stuck in a middle-management job, making payments on a minivan, coming home only to watch reality tv all night whilst dining on tv dinners and shitty wal-mart ice cream for dessert?
I've asked this question time and again: What problems do you think getting married or having kids or both is going to solve? People have been taught to think that Happily Ever After is a reality, and in a broad, sweeping sense it may be. Still, I'm sure even Prince Charming and Cinderella had a fight now and then.
I don't know- that scares me. The thought of looking at myself and seeing children within 4 years. Shit, just seeing myself as having a girlfriend in 4 years is a stretch, but trying to think that I'll meet a girl tomorrow that'd be around 4 years from now? Eek. And shit, girls can leave. If you have a kid, they're there for LIFE.
Now that I've come to that end, it makes me smile. I've been feeling older than my skin a bit lately, but the fact that I'm young enough to fear the rest of my life, well- that's very life affirming.
To put it another way: Sure, my Dad loves me and my sister and my Mom, and I'm sure we do make him happy. But the things that make him *really* happy are building airplanes, working on cars, and painting. Those are the real loves of his life- more than hobbies, they're what he was doing before we were born, the things he put off to raise his family, the things that define who he is. I'm not saying he loves us any less, or doesn't enjoy those things more when he does them with me or my sister, I'm just saying that there's more to him than "Dad" and "Husband".
I hope that if and when the time comes for me, I'll be more than that, too. *end edit*
While my MySpace is being watched, I don't necessarily want people reading this and misinterpreting.
Once again, I'm not exactly sure whether anybody reads here anymore or not, but it'll be useful to get this out and typed so I can copy it and move it over later.
So here's what I'm wondering: Why are so many people getting married lately?
And it's not even that. I'm not opposed to marriage, although it'd take nothing less than absolutely the right woman under absolutely the right conditions for me to even consider that major of an operation (that operation being putting your balls in a mason jar on a shelf next to your soul- a nice high shelf where you won't be able to control either of them ever again).
In all seriousness, for a guy, marriage is a major gamble, especially in a state like Texas that so heavily favors women in divorce proceedings (seriously- when was the last time a woman in Texas had to pay alimony or child support?). Really, you're betting half of everything you own on an institution that has more than a 50% failure rate. At best, you're betting half your assets on a coin toss.
Not that I have many assets, but I'm old enough I need to start thinking about getting some. I'm working toward that end, slowly but surely.
But let's assume I find the perfect woman and she signs a prenup so I'm no worse off after if we do get divorced. Then what? Society expects us to get married and instantly start working on 2.5 kids, a dog and a house.
Now, look, I've got *nothing* against family. Nobody will argue, especially in our culture, the importance of family.
What I'm asking here is what happens to everything I wanted when I was single? Obviously, single life goes out the window, and that has its pros and cons. Assuming an ideal situation, you're trading trying to get laid (and possibly succeeding) with random strangers and getting smashed out on the town for constant certain sex with one person while staying at home saving money but still enjoying yourself.
But what about the other things single people plan? Around El Paso, they don't, so much. But I have a list of things as long as my arm that I want to do. I want to see Europe, Japan, and Alaska. I want to hike the Grand Canyon with my Father and my dog. I want to learn to surf and surf pipe in Hawaii. I want to try living in Vegas and Wyoming and San Antonio. I want to sail around the world (well, sailing is optional- any boat will do). I want the world to hear my name.
Yet, when we get married, all that takes second place to wife and kids. Third if you want yourself in there somewhere.
Maybe it's just that my priorities are different.
I had a conversation on MySpace with a friend. She did a survey, and one of the questions was when she wanted to have kids. Her answer was something to the effect of 'by 25'. She's just now 21. I wrote back and said "Yikes". She responded that she's always been mature by her age and thought she'd be ready by the time she was 25.
And that's the heart of what I'm getting at. Why have kids just because you're ready? Why get married because you think it's time?
Society has drilled into our skulls that these things will make us happy. And I'm sure parenthood is beautiful and joyful, but look around for real some time. You'll see people fairly regularly that obviously feel trapped by their lives. I have a friend with a kid, and he loves her to death, but you can tell it pains him not being able to go out all the damn time. He wasn't ready, although he's stepped to the challenge quite well.
But how many people out there are stuck doing the soccer mom/dad thing, stuck in a middle-management job, making payments on a minivan, coming home only to watch reality tv all night whilst dining on tv dinners and shitty wal-mart ice cream for dessert?
I've asked this question time and again: What problems do you think getting married or having kids or both is going to solve? People have been taught to think that Happily Ever After is a reality, and in a broad, sweeping sense it may be. Still, I'm sure even Prince Charming and Cinderella had a fight now and then.
I don't know- that scares me. The thought of looking at myself and seeing children within 4 years. Shit, just seeing myself as having a girlfriend in 4 years is a stretch, but trying to think that I'll meet a girl tomorrow that'd be around 4 years from now? Eek. And shit, girls can leave. If you have a kid, they're there for LIFE.
Now that I've come to that end, it makes me smile. I've been feeling older than my skin a bit lately, but the fact that I'm young enough to fear the rest of my life, well- that's very life affirming.