This might make people wonder (more) about me (part 2)
I should have explained a bit more about this and the previous entry. First, this is not my son I am talking to. Well, not yet, anyways. See, I had this whole thought conversation, I guess you could call it, in the shower yesterday morning with my unborn son when he is in high school. It mirrors a few topical things my dad and I talked about. So yes, in a way, I am practicing to be a dad. Anyway, here's part deux:
Son: Dad, why is it that so many people get divorced?
Me: Well, that depends on the couple, really. There are as many reasons to get divorced as there are people in this world. Sometimes it's a complicated matter, such as infidelity, or one spouse has an addiction or is abusive, or a REAL classic is when one person in the couple wants children and the other doesn't. Other times it is a simple matter, such as the couple grew apart and could not form a bridge to their lives together any longer.
Son: So, then why bother getting married? I thought marriage was about love.
Me: That begs the eternal question: What is "love"?
Son:...Well....love is....I guess, caring about one another, and a sense of mutual respect and admiration.
Me: You forgot communication.
Son: Huh? How so? I thought that was a given.
Me: Not always. Lack of communication can be a big source of marriages falling apart. Your mother and I spend ages working on communicating things to each other, and still occasionally need to relearn how the other works in life. Myself, especially. Don't ever let it be said that I am always an easy person to deal with all the time.
Son: Can I comment on that without being given a noogie?
Me: I make no promises.
Son: Figured as much. So anyway, add communication to the list I just gave. That's love, right?
Me: Funny thing about that admiration part. There was a TV show on when I was just out of college that had a rather interesting take on that: "Admiration is the point farthest away from understanding". Meaning, if you just admire, or cherish, or "love" someone, you run the risk of being blinded by who their entire self really is.
Son: So does this mean I shouldn't love?
Me: By all means, love with all your heart. But at the same time, learn to observe and understand with all your mind. When the two work together, there is a perfect situation that cannot be undone.
Son: So what do I do when someone I'm dating isn't "the one", but I don't want to hurt them?
Me: Been there. Far too many times to admit. It is better to hurt someone before the pain becomes unbearable for everyone. In other words, while you may be breaking someones heart, you aren't necessarily breaking their life. That is what divorce can do, and it does it to you, your spouse, and to your children, if they are in the picture.
Son: Okay!...So, the lesson here is, "Look before you leap,", and communicate often.
Me: Among other things, yes.
Son: Dad, why is it that so many people get divorced?
Me: Well, that depends on the couple, really. There are as many reasons to get divorced as there are people in this world. Sometimes it's a complicated matter, such as infidelity, or one spouse has an addiction or is abusive, or a REAL classic is when one person in the couple wants children and the other doesn't. Other times it is a simple matter, such as the couple grew apart and could not form a bridge to their lives together any longer.
Son: So, then why bother getting married? I thought marriage was about love.
Me: That begs the eternal question: What is "love"?
Son:...Well....love is....I guess, caring about one another, and a sense of mutual respect and admiration.
Me: You forgot communication.
Son: Huh? How so? I thought that was a given.
Me: Not always. Lack of communication can be a big source of marriages falling apart. Your mother and I spend ages working on communicating things to each other, and still occasionally need to relearn how the other works in life. Myself, especially. Don't ever let it be said that I am always an easy person to deal with all the time.
Son: Can I comment on that without being given a noogie?
Me: I make no promises.
Son: Figured as much. So anyway, add communication to the list I just gave. That's love, right?
Me: Funny thing about that admiration part. There was a TV show on when I was just out of college that had a rather interesting take on that: "Admiration is the point farthest away from understanding". Meaning, if you just admire, or cherish, or "love" someone, you run the risk of being blinded by who their entire self really is.
Son: So does this mean I shouldn't love?
Me: By all means, love with all your heart. But at the same time, learn to observe and understand with all your mind. When the two work together, there is a perfect situation that cannot be undone.
Son: So what do I do when someone I'm dating isn't "the one", but I don't want to hurt them?
Me: Been there. Far too many times to admit. It is better to hurt someone before the pain becomes unbearable for everyone. In other words, while you may be breaking someones heart, you aren't necessarily breaking their life. That is what divorce can do, and it does it to you, your spouse, and to your children, if they are in the picture.
Son: Okay!...So, the lesson here is, "Look before you leap,", and communicate often.
Me: Among other things, yes.