There you go, now put a sock in it....
Yet again I havn't posted in agesss partly due to lazyness, party due to being too busy and mostly due to not really having the words to express my constant changing frame of mind over the last two months! Still no excuse I should really put some time aside to do these journal entries. University wise the work load picked up at the end of my first semeister and despite my all consuming lazy streak I got it all in on time and celebrated my achivement with the usual large consumption of alcohol and partying. I also did other things in the spirit of looking for something new rather than being depresssed. Enuff said. All good and fun but I admit to feeling abit lonely in the realtionship department.
At first I thought it was discontent with my uni friends but before I left I realized how close I'd come to my new group of friends when before I had felt distant. I've pinpointed the problem and it's need for a realtionship of the girlfriend styly. I dont want to "sleep around" or "have fun" in a typical University manner. I need the security of a relationship. It was refreshing to realize the problem though I think Ive known it all along really.
Returning to Coventry was great. I miss everyone here and it's so nice to see evryone and do old things like go to the Colly. Though in all honesty one of the things I needed to do most in Cov is see Leanne who I havn't got out my mind since I went to Uni. I havn't even made an effort at uni to get a girlfriend because at the moment all I really want is Leanne. I've been so angry at myself for all the oppurtunites to tell her I've turned down because I've been scared of ruining our already closeness. Last night though I bit the bullet and told her in both words and actions. The vent was amazing and I felt so good afterwards. It's all very complicated and her reply was less than thoroughly satasfying but who knows. She does actually like me back but...well like i said it's complicated.
In reply to several warnings I've recieved I say I'm a big boy now and I think it's about time I took off the securtiy gloves. Thank you though as I know you care. Thank you especially Mark for listening to my drunken ramblings and dont be silly why would not want to talk to you (I just have no credit being poor :( ).
O random other things I've done is started working at Jacs in Cov to get some money since I'm broke. Sadly this might mean I have to work on New Years Eve :( . O well I'm a poor poor student but that doesn't mean that I wont go to town tommorow and kill all my christmas money on CD's and clothes. I need some new music since music always has the power to help me vent. O the joys of music. Christmas was good but the excitment I had for it when I was young has gone. Still it was enjoyable and it's more about family for me these days then about big pressies. Boking day was a big improvement on last year because my alcholic auntie who always ruins things (see last year) went home early to "Lie down" hmmm I wonder why. Still that got her out our hair and we all had a great time.
Glad to be back even if I am working alot and becoming nocturnal. I'm starting to feel better and things are looking up even though I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. I'm just gonna see what happens next now after giving my life a kick up the rear. Who knows?
At first I thought it was discontent with my uni friends but before I left I realized how close I'd come to my new group of friends when before I had felt distant. I've pinpointed the problem and it's need for a realtionship of the girlfriend styly. I dont want to "sleep around" or "have fun" in a typical University manner. I need the security of a relationship. It was refreshing to realize the problem though I think Ive known it all along really.
Returning to Coventry was great. I miss everyone here and it's so nice to see evryone and do old things like go to the Colly. Though in all honesty one of the things I needed to do most in Cov is see Leanne who I havn't got out my mind since I went to Uni. I havn't even made an effort at uni to get a girlfriend because at the moment all I really want is Leanne. I've been so angry at myself for all the oppurtunites to tell her I've turned down because I've been scared of ruining our already closeness. Last night though I bit the bullet and told her in both words and actions. The vent was amazing and I felt so good afterwards. It's all very complicated and her reply was less than thoroughly satasfying but who knows. She does actually like me back but...well like i said it's complicated.
In reply to several warnings I've recieved I say I'm a big boy now and I think it's about time I took off the securtiy gloves. Thank you though as I know you care. Thank you especially Mark for listening to my drunken ramblings and dont be silly why would not want to talk to you (I just have no credit being poor :( ).
O random other things I've done is started working at Jacs in Cov to get some money since I'm broke. Sadly this might mean I have to work on New Years Eve :( . O well I'm a poor poor student but that doesn't mean that I wont go to town tommorow and kill all my christmas money on CD's and clothes. I need some new music since music always has the power to help me vent. O the joys of music. Christmas was good but the excitment I had for it when I was young has gone. Still it was enjoyable and it's more about family for me these days then about big pressies. Boking day was a big improvement on last year because my alcholic auntie who always ruins things (see last year) went home early to "Lie down" hmmm I wonder why. Still that got her out our hair and we all had a great time.
Glad to be back even if I am working alot and becoming nocturnal. I'm starting to feel better and things are looking up even though I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. I'm just gonna see what happens next now after giving my life a kick up the rear. Who knows?