Healthy
I'm no longer under the thumb of Ana. I couldn't tell you when exactly it happened, only that I suddenly realized I was killing myself slowly. And it's not the kind of death resulting from a gunshot wound, but more of a sort of cancer that eats away at your soul until all that's left is a lifeless, lost human being. I started thinking about the
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------ my now EX told me that i was a fat ass and no one would ever want me then my first post-break up date dumped me b/c he sd he didnt date "fat girls"
2. Do you think looking at advertisements and editorials of models help you focus on being thinner?
----- absolutely !! posted on my fridge and in a scrapbook- also took front, side and back view pics of myself in bra and underwear, to look at when i want to eat.... also measurements in the book and on the fridge
3. Do you feel the media places pressure on women (men) and adolescents to look a certain way?
---- the clothes arent designed for big people and everyone on tv in magazines... etc are thin... pluys shows like the biggest loser and all kinds of work out shows basically say that u have to be skinny
4. What do you think is too heavy (i.e. 145lbs or 112lbs) and is there such a thing as "too thin"?
-- u can never be too rich or too thin--- too heavy is based on body size and structure---- normal girl.... 5'5" at 145 is too big
5. Did anyone, friends or family, notice your change and try to help you?
---- at first i wasa big girl, so when i started losing people encouraged me... my mom even took me on a shopping spree -- people made me stick with "getting healthy" - it just went a little too far -- people compliment me all the time on how great i look, compared to before.... but my mom and other close friends have become suspicious so i just eat around them and tell them that my metabolism has changed and that my dr. sd my weight is healthy.... they buy it, but like i sd i used to be really big
6. Do you think anorexia or an ED is a disease or a choice? Explain.
--- it started off as a choice to get the fat off.... i basically woke up oneday and decided i wasnt gonna be fat anymore.... i dont have the typical "perfectionest" and control issues, i was just really sick of being fat... so at first it was a choice to eat small healthy things or nothing at all and then it got to the point where i had to... it became almost like and OCD thing.... at first i couldnt allow myself to have say a cheeseburger... then it was that my body physically could only have super healthy and small amounts. ie.. celery and water
7. Name your best quality.
--- im a good friend, physically.... my boobs never shrank...still wear a D
8. Lastly, have you ever thought of recovery?
--- eventually i would like to be "normal" but i cant be fat ever again... i will eventually eat normal but if i feel myself starting to gain will revert back----
there will always be a part of me that will be always thinking about weight.. food... etc.... b/c it ruled so much of my life for so long....
hope this helps.... is this for some type of class or just u wanna know?
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