new plan
Just come home from a weekend in Somerset where I was visiting a friend who is working on a summer camp there. It looks like so much fun, I was going to do it too but then my doctor said I wasn't well enough...but on the plus side she said they eat loads and she's put weight on so im glad I didn't do it.
Anyway my weight has fucking gone up to 114lbs its disgusting... though im hoping its just food weight because I tried to eat slightly normally with them as I didn't want them to think I was weird but no joke everytime I try and eat normally I just get fat so its not happening again. I really need to stop the binging though because I don't throw up as much any more so Im not getting rid of it. I need to actually lose some more weight. Why do my bloody parents have to be here controlling what I eat? rubbish.
so I need a new plan....? hmm what to do..
Im thinking 800cals then 1000cals alternatly each day? do you reckon that will work? it better had because i just stood naked in front of the mirror and nearly cried I disgust myself SO MUCH. and I need to get out of dinner tonight because I just don't want it. In fact tbh I might just refuse yeh they'll get pissed off but what're they going to do about it? nothing is what? I'll go for a run instead. Yes thats a good plan.
Im going on holiday in a week, god I hope I don't put weight on there, at least I can't binge there. Im thinking I might start purging more often... that seemed to work before and now Im losing the knack of it because I've stopped. I hate it though. Eughhhhh I want to be beautiful. I hate my life. I want to be perfect again.
Anyway my weight has fucking gone up to 114lbs its disgusting... though im hoping its just food weight because I tried to eat slightly normally with them as I didn't want them to think I was weird but no joke everytime I try and eat normally I just get fat so its not happening again. I really need to stop the binging though because I don't throw up as much any more so Im not getting rid of it. I need to actually lose some more weight. Why do my bloody parents have to be here controlling what I eat? rubbish.
so I need a new plan....? hmm what to do..
Im thinking 800cals then 1000cals alternatly each day? do you reckon that will work? it better had because i just stood naked in front of the mirror and nearly cried I disgust myself SO MUCH. and I need to get out of dinner tonight because I just don't want it. In fact tbh I might just refuse yeh they'll get pissed off but what're they going to do about it? nothing is what? I'll go for a run instead. Yes thats a good plan.
Im going on holiday in a week, god I hope I don't put weight on there, at least I can't binge there. Im thinking I might start purging more often... that seemed to work before and now Im losing the knack of it because I've stopped. I hate it though. Eughhhhh I want to be beautiful. I hate my life. I want to be perfect again.