Darker Shades of Grey - Part 12 (MA15+, angst)
Part 12
Barbara
I turn my chair to look at them. They’re smiling and looking at Dinah’s recently painted finger nails. Helena smiles happily as she takes Dinah’s hand in hers and inspects the bright pink. My lover leans down and ghosts a soft kiss to the back of my ward's knuckles. A flare of jealousy sits in the pit of my stomach.
“I think you should have done them purple,” Helena whispers to her friend and smiles again. Dinah looks at her with wide eyes and smiles back giddily. The jealous monster rears its head and screams.
They’re just friends.
Companions.
Partners.
Sisters.
“You think I should do purple next time?” Dinah asks as she sits on the couch and Helena sits beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. Helena smiles again and Dinah smiles back just as brightly.
“Yeah, dark purple, it’ll give you a little mystery,” Helena jokes and rests her feet on my coffee table.
“Mystery? You mean I don’t have enough mystery as it is? I need more mystery Helena?”
Helena nods, “Yeah D. You need to hop up on the mystery. Be like …” Helena’s eyes flick up to me and a near leering smile appears on her face. “Be like Barbara over there. Spy material. Hot, sexy, and full of surprises.”
‘Hot, sexy, and full of surprises’? Apparently I’m not the only one full of surprises. Talk about low self esteem, Dinah and Helena! Oh make me laugh.
I grin sheepishly at my computer screen.
“Oh, you mean like your voicemail? Hey Barbara, have you heard Helena’s voice mail?” Dinah smiles as she looks at me. I can’t remember the last time she looked at me, or smiled at me.
“No, I haven’t,” I answer politely.
“It’s a real kicker, you’ll have to check it out some time. I’m sure you’d be interested in bed posts and a beautiful dominatrix redhead.”
I raise both my eyebrows at Helena who quickly jumps from the couch, mumbling about helping Gabby with her right hook. She’s gone before I can even glare at her.
I look over at Dinah and smile.
I notice the single tear that slides down her cheek. I also notice that she doesn’t smile back at me. I suppose I shouldn’t expect radical changes in her so quickly, it’s even likely that some of the drugs in her system still haven’t been flushed out.
I turn my chair towards the computers to give her the privacy she needs. Looking at Harley Quinn’s re-admittance papers to Arkham is distracting enough. At least we didn’t have to deal with the consequences of her escape.
We were lucky to have only been faced by a semi lucid Dr. Quinn. The doctors at Arkham may let a patient escape once in a while but at least they are smart enough to drug the patients that need it.
“Lucky she wasn’t at her best,” Dinah says from behind me. I don’t know when she stood from the couch and made her way behind me and her voice startles me a tiny bit. I control the urge to jump.
“Very. Just imagine the damage two Quinns could have managed.”
“Barbara,” Dinah says softly, “Please, look at me.”
I turn reluctantly to the tear stained face. She barely makes a sound when she cries. I doubt she’ll be able to ever again.
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you and Helena and Gabby. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see the evil in front of me and I’m even sorrier for not being more careful and telling you I was taking medication.”
“Oh Dinah,” I whisper softly as I reach out to gather my distraught friend into my arms. “This wasn’t your fault, you have to understand that. You placed your trust in someone who should have been trustworthy.
Hundreds of people do that everyday. It’s normal and healthy to do it. This isn’t your fault.”
“But -“
“No buts, I never blamed you for the things that other people brainwashed you into doing. I’m not angry or upset with you. You’re truly a light in my life. Do you understand me?”
Her watery eyes plead with me. She wants me to punish her.
“But I did those things. All the times I yelled at you and all those … horrible things I said?”
“I remember saying a few nasty things myself,” I remind her, “And I wasn’t under the influence of any drug. Can you forgive me?”
She smiles, “Like I need to forgive you. You’ve taken care of me and made sure I was happy and healthy ever since you let me stay with you.”
I pull her head to my shoulder and let her cry.
“I guess this means you love me, huh?”
I feel her smile into my shoulder, “Guess so.”
“Do you want to talk now?”
She nods and leans back, “there’s lots to say.”
“I’ll put the kettle on.”
Helena
“It doesn’t look good does it?”
“Not really. It depends on what you’re thinking of … you know what you’re capable of, so its your decision.”
“What if I make the wrong one? What if I … what if this isn’t me? What if this is the decision of someone grieving?”
“Sometimes the hardest decisions, the hardest situations are forced upon us and there is nothing we can do to change them. We just have to roll with the punches, chose our consequences wisely because there’s sometimes no way back.”
Barbara smiles, she’s so adorable when she’s dishing out the wisdom.
“You know,” Dinah says as she moves uncomfortably in the chair opposite my lover. “That helps me in no way at all … you realise you’ve just put out some high and mighty bull so you don’t have to help me.”
Barbara frowns slowly, a tiny wrinkle appears between her eyes and for a second I’m sure that the hour long conversation between mentor and student is about to end just like the confrontations of the past months.
“I can’t help you, remember? This is completely up to you. Your crime. Your punishment. Your soul.”
Dinah shakes her head.
I change my position on the gargoyle I’m sitting on and try to run the numb flesh out of my backside. The pain doesn’t mean much, I’d rather hobble around for a month than miss this semi loving reunion between my friends.
Dinah shakes her head quickly, “I don’t think …”
Barbara raises one eyebrow and sits patiently waiting for her charge to figure out the difference.
“Ok, you wanna know the truth? I’m pretty much running on empty here. I can actually deal with it this time. It’s a wrong thing, in a wrong place and I understand that this time. No money, no conditions, nothing. It’s plain and simple and there’s nothing I can do to warp it.”
“Either way you should be sure.”
Dinah thinks for a few seconds before nodding positively. “I am.”
“Do you want me to drive you?”
“No. Gabby said she’d drop me off and hang around until it’s finished.”
Dinah stands and brushes her hands along the black pants she’s wearing.
Barbara reaches out and clasps the blonde girl’s hand, “I’ll be here when you get back. We’ll talk again, ok?”
Dinah nods, smiles softly then disappears into the depths of the Clocktower, I assume to find her ride.
“You can come out now Helena,” Barbara says to me as she turns back to her computers.
I’m nearly shocked. I was being my quietest, barely moving except to relieve some of the pain in my muscles and joints.
“How’d you know I was there?” I ask as I lower myself to the Clocktower floor and wince at the stiffness of my knees.
“You left your comms on.”
I roll my eyes, in my rush to secure seating to the make-up talk of the year I’d missed the most crucial step to hiding.
“I’m … damn it.”
Barbara laughs as she logs her computer off and turns towards me. Her chest rises as she drags in a deep breath, which quickly flies from her mouth as a sigh.
“She’s going to the doctor's funeral.”
I nod.
“Now what?”
I shrug.
We sit in silence.
“Wanna go get hot chocolate?”
I nod.
“Starbucks or that LavaPiza place on the corner?”
I roll my eyes.
“Starbucks it is.”
Barbara digs her keys from the pocket on her wheelchair. “Oh, I was meaning to ask … Dinah said something about an inappropriate inbox message on your cell phone. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about a dominatrix redhead and a bed post would you?”
I’m sure that if I wasn’t a super hot crime fighter my eyes would have been as big as saucers and my cheeks would be bright red. “Me? Innocent Helena Kyle? I wouldn’t know anything about that type of … thing.”
“Liar.”
“Well … maybe I know a little something,” I smile at her, I leer just a tiny bit.
“Right,” Barbara agrees. “You know Starbucks will be there tomorrow morning.”
I nod, “And the morning after that.”
Barbara smiles, “We don’t have to go yet.”
“The kids are out. The Clocktower is quiet. The psychos are taking a night off.”
Barbara leans forward in her chair and grins at me. “How about the vigilantes take the night off and try some of their own ‘normal’ life activities.”
I swallow hard.
“I had this idea … let’s just say it might not be so normal.”
Barbara raises her eyebrow at me.
Normal is good.
---
The End.