Darker Shades of Grey - Part 11 (MA15+, angst)
Part 11
Dinah
The moon dances just outside my line of vision. I can see enough of the deep purple and splays of red-gold just lingering on the horizon to know that I’ll have to work soon.
New Gotham is quiet tonight; barely a sound passes through the twisting alleys and long main streets of my city.
No one screams. I like it this way, no bad guys to bruise my knuckles on, no imminent threats to my new manicure, no one to tell me I’m wanted, needed, relied upon to save countless lives, cars and kittens.
I know I complain, my mind tells me I complain constantly and my heart tells me to quit whining while I still have enough breath in me to finish the job. I do love this though. The terrified screams suddenly turning into grateful sobs and clasping hands of faith and gratitude.
Maybe it would be different if I didn’t have my friends around me. Maybe things would be harder and I’d be just a little less sane than I am now. Maybe if Helena were dead I’d ignore the screaming and torment that rings in my ears.
No, I wouldn’t.
I never could.
Even if I were barely holding onto my collective sanity, even if I were near breaking point I would still follow the ear splitting torture that seems to breed among the citizens of New Gotham.
I’ll always hear those screams and I’ll always take that leap of faith over the edge to go and help someone I don’t know. But I care about them all. Any victim is cared for by someone. They’re mothers or fathers, sisters and daughters, brothers and sons to someone who is very happy that a masked vigilante dropped from the sky and kicked bad guy ass.
I can live without their thanks. I know that deep down they’re happy and if I make them happy, that’s thanks enough.
She never made anyone happy but herself. She was selfish and wrong to manipulate and steal.
She’s better off in the cold ground. I never needed her anyway. I may have thought I did. I might have been so caught up in her psychotic babbling that for a few minutes I believed that I couldn’t live without her by my side.
I guess even heroes need some comfort sometimes.
I’ve always wondered if I would go to hell for seeking comfort in the arms of one of the bad guys.
“Rough night?” she asks from behind me, just like every other night this week. We’re setting up a schedule, maybe tradition, I’m not entirely sure.
I follow the script anyway.
I turn to her and grin. She’s standing stock still in the damp grass, if I didn’t know any better I’d think she was gauging my need to be alone.
Oh … she is.
“Same old, same old,” I mutter, staring at her.
She smiles and steps closer.
“You feelin’ alright?”
I sigh, then lean over and wrap my arm around her shoulder. She leans in just enough for me to rest my head on her shoulder.
“I dunno Hel.”
“I know the feeling kid. Imagine me, ok … are you paying attention?”
I nod and turn my head to watch her talk.
“I was just cruising the other week, ok I was cruising home to Barbara and I saw you. And …”
I raise my eyebrow at her. The expression is so like hers that she laughs. Maybe she realises that we’re more alike than she thinks. Maybe she just thinks the expression looks ridiculous on me.
“And?”
“And I thought that maybe … in a completely different time and space … and world … I could be in love with you.”
Both my brows head for my hair line and I put a respectable distance between us. Just for safety reasons.
“Oh don’t worry Kid. I’m sure if I ever really decided that I could Gabby would make me fight to the death before she ever let me have you … and well … knowing Gabby she’d probably haunt me afterwards making me feel so bad about seducing you … well, you get the picture.”
She smiles at me and scrunches her nose. It’s awfully cute.
“So?” I finally ask as a chill settles on my spine.
“So what, D? I think we’re both realising that what ever lust, or … or longing we have it’ll slowly burn out. I need you as my friend, not my lover.”
I nod silently, then take my place back on her shoulder and stare out at the city again.
“Growing up sucks,” I sigh loudly into the chilly air around us.
Helena bursts into laughter, slapping the stone she’s sitting on.
“Its not one of the greatest things in life D … but don’t worry … you’ll always be the kid sidekick to me.”
I roll my eyes at her, but I can’t help smiling just a little bit.
Canary, Huntress, this is Oracle. Do you copy?
“Guess that’s it then Big D,” she says as she jumps up from her position and smoothes out the lines of her jacket.
“Are you sure? Can’t I just sit here all night? My head still kinda hurts,” I pout.
She looks at me and I know what’s coming.
“I’m sorry D, but we gotta go. There’s so much to do and so little time.”
Someone screams.
I sigh at the city, then at Helena. She barely notices me as she pulls at the front of her white t-shirt.
“What is that?” I ask as I squint at her shirt.
She blushes.
I slap her hands away from her shirt and peer at the bright red dot decorating her front.
“Helena?” I ask slowly. “Is that ketchup?”
Helena starts to retreat as I growl at her. “YOU! You went for Danny’s Hot Dogs and YOU didn’t bring me any?”
She raises her hands slowly, trying to ward me off. I won’t let her.
“Dinah!” She yells. “You need to calm down before I make you calm down.”
I squint at her.
I catch just a glint of her beautiful blue eyes twinkling tenderly before she turns tail and runs across the grass towards the Hummer parked at the curb.
Gabby
Girl makes googley eyes at other girl.
Girl falls in love with other girl.
Girl desperately tries to cling to her failing relationship even when her girl is near psychotic.
If that isn’t commitment, I don’t know what is.
Now, something simple. Easy to understand. Fun to play with.
Curly fries.
Comfort food.
Girl drowns her sorrows in greasy food … becomes worlds biggest woman. See, love can take you to all types of places you’d never even dream of going.
“Barbara?”
“Hmm?”
“How many packages of curly fries would I have to eat before I looked like Anna Nichole before surgery?”
I heard rapid clicking for a few seconds, but receive no answer.
“Gabby?”
“What?”
“Maybe you should put the curly fries down and use the treadmill in the training room instead. When I was your age I wouldn’t sit around moping all night just because my girlfriend was out saving the world on date night.”
I roll my eyes, such an old person thing to say. I’d expect it from Alfred, but Barbara?
“Barbara, baby,” I squeal in my best ‘just outta Vegas’ accent, “if you dated in high school then I’m a monkey's plaything.”
“Hey!” my redheaded teacher shouts indignantly as she wheels around the kitchen wall and directly to my plate of curly fries. I try to slap at her thieving hands but I just can’t say no to her when she looks at me with those big puppy dog eyes.
“You know,” Barbara says around her mouthful of greasy, curly goodness, “I think I preferred you when you were shy and couldn’t look me in the eye to lie about why you hadn’t finished your English assignment.”
I sigh wistfully and lean back in my chair, intent on reminiscing, “those were the good old days. Dinah went by her maiden name of Zipper Girl. Helena still stared at anything with two legs and you … well, you were the untouchable, unmentionable, ever virginal redheaded goddess of New Gotham High.”
“I resent that … I was the redheaded goddess of New Gotham. Period.”
“Oh … ha ha. That was so funny in so many ways. Let us count them.”
Barbara rolls her eyes and sneakily grabs another of my fries before I can intercept her hand.
“This coming from the teen wonder at home with her teacher on date night…”
I glare at her for a second before I realise that it is a waste of time and I should really be trying to save the leftovers of my comfort food from the ravenous Oracle.
“Do you think she’s ok?” Barbara asks as another curly fry disappears between her pale red lips. I wonder how many she can actually fit in there. Her black hole of a stomach seems to be just as big as Helena’s at times.
“Who now?” I ask as I quickly save the last of the crispy fries from the plate.
“Dinah,” Barbara rolls her eyes at me and tries to snag another curly fry from my protective grasp.
I take pity and offer the plate. Barbara smiles and steals half the contents … again.
“She’ll be fine. She’s got the new powers and stuff now, she’s like … indestructible or something.” I let my eyes go wide as the thought really hits me between the eyes. My girlfriend, indestructible. I guess those Karma Sutra positions really wouldn’t be so dangerous now.
“Don’t tell her that,” Barbara says with a frown.
I blush, I really should stop thinking sex when the possibility for embarrassment is so high.
I flail desperately to catch the end of the conversation I so readily redirected from for those lust filled thoughts.
“Ummm … oh? Are you kidding me?” Snap, think Gabby, think.
“Oh right!” I drag in a quick mouthful of air, “She protected us from the blast of a bomb, Barbara! Three sticks of Semtex and she throws up a little barrier to keep us alive. Goddamn it. You saw how it ripped apart that room Babs, you saw how it … ripped up the Doctor. Then she just flips all that debris off of us like it’s a piece of fluff on her jacket … all with the power of her mind. If you ask me the girl deserves to feel a little indestructible.”
I jump up, ending the conversation. We both know just how hard it can be to rehash everything that’s … happened.
“I know Gabby … but you know what comes after meta.”
I roll my eyes and sigh, “Yeah. I’ve been noticing that a lot lately.”
Barbara touches my hand softly but I twist her off and smile reassuringly, “I’m fine.”
The elevator pings softly before she can drag me into yet another deep and meaningful.
“At least your lying has improved since high school,” she whispers.
I grin.
“Where’s Dick?” Helena asks as she storms into the room and collapses at the table. When she starts picking at the last few precious curly fries I slap her hands and drag the plate away from her.
“Gone to the Manor,” Barbara answers easily as she heads back to her computer, “He’s leaving tomorrow … said he had some loose ends to tie up before he left.”
Dinah floats in as the two older women continue their verbal bantering.
“Helena? Are you sulking? Oh my … you’re pouting.”
Barbara’s laughter makes no difference to me, Dinah’s smile does. She watches from outside the room, detaching herself from everything, yet able to make contact with any one of us if she wants.
“I just don’t see why you had to drag in the boy wonder!”
Dinah flips her shoulder length hair back over her ear and runs her hands through the restored blonde. She looked much to dark as a brunette.
“Ah hello, Helena? If you don’t remember, we were down by two … remember?”
“Oh so now you’re going to talk my head off about that whole … rushing into a situation without back-up thing.”
Dinah turns her head and looks me straight in the eye. I know that she knew I was staring at her, before she actually caught me in the act.
I turn away blushing and tune into the Helena/Barbara showdown taking place in our kitchen.
“No, I’m not going to talk your head off. I did that last week. Repetitiveness really isn’t my style,” Barbara grins and flips her hair at Helena.
“See now that’s where you’re wrong, last night you repeatedly -“
“MY POINT! Was, that if you don’t want the friends and family of vigilantes’ coming to the rescue you simply have to watch your back just a little more.”
I grin to myself; they’re more entertaining than my Uncle Roy at Christmas Day Happy Hour.
I want to share my insights with Dinah … just because I can. Because she’ll listen and not run off into the night if something upsets her.
She isn’t standing in the doorway anymore.
I cringe.
Without letting Barbara or Helena know I slip from the kitchen and head towards Dinah’s bedroom.
It’s strange to find her in there. Lately I would have been asleep long before she even stepped foot inside the Clocktower. It feels funny to watch her sleeping peacefully, curling her body around her Garfield cushion.
I close the bedroom door and join her on the bed. I might as well keep her warm … and make sure she has safe dreams.
---
The door to the training room is wide open. I’ve never seen Dinah so determined before. She’s so focused on the job at hand. Her tongue is sticking out of the side of her mouth as she pulls herself up on the silver bar Barbara uses for her upper body workout.
She’s truly beautiful. The way the muscles in her arms ripple as she pulls up then relax as she lets her momentum carry her back down. She grunts softly as she crosses her legs at her ankles and bends her knees up so that her feet don’t touch the ground.
She watches me in the mirror. I had no intention of spying on her. I wanted her to know that I was watching her.
She smiles softly at the mirror and I smile back.
“Are you stalking me?” she asks through heavy breathing. I shake my head slowly then change my mind and nod instead.
“I have to stalk you to spend time with you.” I don’t mean for it to sound so accusatory but apparently it comes out that way anyway.
She drops her feet and easily lands on the floor. Hardly a second passes before she’s standing in front of me, her hands limply by her sides and a sorry expression on her face.
"How about we go out Saturday? Just you and me, somewhere quiet?” she smiles softly and touches my elbow.
Her soft skin sends sparks up and down my entire arm.
“You and me,” I whisper to her, I pick up her arms and wrap them around my waist then wrap my own arms around her neck. “It’s a date.”
I hug her, hard.
She grunts softly and I let go just a little bit.
“Maybe we should go and …”
“Just a second,” I whisper before attaching my lips firmly to hers.
My quick peck turns into a long, unhurried splurge of pent up passion. It’s been way too long.
I break away gasping for breath and bury my head into her shoulder. I smile.
“We should …”
“I know. Let’s go, but next time D. Maybe you should leave the exercising until you’re actually awake.”
Dinah turns to me and smiles, “but I don’t get all sweaty when I dream lift.”
I laugh as we head toward the light … and another full day together, finally at peace with each other.
Dinah
The moon dances just outside my line of vision. I can see enough of the deep purple and splays of red-gold just lingering on the horizon to know that I’ll have to work soon.
New Gotham is quiet tonight; barely a sound passes through the twisting alleys and long main streets of my city.
No one screams. I like it this way, no bad guys to bruise my knuckles on, no imminent threats to my new manicure, no one to tell me I’m wanted, needed, relied upon to save countless lives, cars and kittens.
I know I complain, my mind tells me I complain constantly and my heart tells me to quit whining while I still have enough breath in me to finish the job. I do love this though. The terrified screams suddenly turning into grateful sobs and clasping hands of faith and gratitude.
Maybe it would be different if I didn’t have my friends around me. Maybe things would be harder and I’d be just a little less sane than I am now. Maybe if Helena were dead I’d ignore the screaming and torment that rings in my ears.
No, I wouldn’t.
I never could.
Even if I were barely holding onto my collective sanity, even if I were near breaking point I would still follow the ear splitting torture that seems to breed among the citizens of New Gotham.
I’ll always hear those screams and I’ll always take that leap of faith over the edge to go and help someone I don’t know. But I care about them all. Any victim is cared for by someone. They’re mothers or fathers, sisters and daughters, brothers and sons to someone who is very happy that a masked vigilante dropped from the sky and kicked bad guy ass.
I can live without their thanks. I know that deep down they’re happy and if I make them happy, that’s thanks enough.
She never made anyone happy but herself. She was selfish and wrong to manipulate and steal.
She’s better off in the cold ground. I never needed her anyway. I may have thought I did. I might have been so caught up in her psychotic babbling that for a few minutes I believed that I couldn’t live without her by my side.
I guess even heroes need some comfort sometimes.
I’ve always wondered if I would go to hell for seeking comfort in the arms of one of the bad guys.
“Rough night?” she asks from behind me, just like every other night this week. We’re setting up a schedule, maybe tradition, I’m not entirely sure.
I follow the script anyway.
I turn to her and grin. She’s standing stock still in the damp grass, if I didn’t know any better I’d think she was gauging my need to be alone.
Oh … she is.
“Same old, same old,” I mutter, staring at her.
She smiles and steps closer.
“You feelin’ alright?”
I sigh, then lean over and wrap my arm around her shoulder. She leans in just enough for me to rest my head on her shoulder.
“I dunno Hel.”
“I know the feeling kid. Imagine me, ok … are you paying attention?”
I nod and turn my head to watch her talk.
“I was just cruising the other week, ok I was cruising home to Barbara and I saw you. And …”
I raise my eyebrow at her. The expression is so like hers that she laughs. Maybe she realises that we’re more alike than she thinks. Maybe she just thinks the expression looks ridiculous on me.
“And?”
“And I thought that maybe … in a completely different time and space … and world … I could be in love with you.”
Both my brows head for my hair line and I put a respectable distance between us. Just for safety reasons.
“Oh don’t worry Kid. I’m sure if I ever really decided that I could Gabby would make me fight to the death before she ever let me have you … and well … knowing Gabby she’d probably haunt me afterwards making me feel so bad about seducing you … well, you get the picture.”
She smiles at me and scrunches her nose. It’s awfully cute.
“So?” I finally ask as a chill settles on my spine.
“So what, D? I think we’re both realising that what ever lust, or … or longing we have it’ll slowly burn out. I need you as my friend, not my lover.”
I nod silently, then take my place back on her shoulder and stare out at the city again.
“Growing up sucks,” I sigh loudly into the chilly air around us.
Helena bursts into laughter, slapping the stone she’s sitting on.
“Its not one of the greatest things in life D … but don’t worry … you’ll always be the kid sidekick to me.”
I roll my eyes at her, but I can’t help smiling just a little bit.
Canary, Huntress, this is Oracle. Do you copy?
“Guess that’s it then Big D,” she says as she jumps up from her position and smoothes out the lines of her jacket.
“Are you sure? Can’t I just sit here all night? My head still kinda hurts,” I pout.
She looks at me and I know what’s coming.
“I’m sorry D, but we gotta go. There’s so much to do and so little time.”
Someone screams.
I sigh at the city, then at Helena. She barely notices me as she pulls at the front of her white t-shirt.
“What is that?” I ask as I squint at her shirt.
She blushes.
I slap her hands away from her shirt and peer at the bright red dot decorating her front.
“Helena?” I ask slowly. “Is that ketchup?”
Helena starts to retreat as I growl at her. “YOU! You went for Danny’s Hot Dogs and YOU didn’t bring me any?”
She raises her hands slowly, trying to ward me off. I won’t let her.
“Dinah!” She yells. “You need to calm down before I make you calm down.”
I squint at her.
I catch just a glint of her beautiful blue eyes twinkling tenderly before she turns tail and runs across the grass towards the Hummer parked at the curb.
Gabby
Girl makes googley eyes at other girl.
Girl falls in love with other girl.
Girl desperately tries to cling to her failing relationship even when her girl is near psychotic.
If that isn’t commitment, I don’t know what is.
Now, something simple. Easy to understand. Fun to play with.
Curly fries.
Comfort food.
Girl drowns her sorrows in greasy food … becomes worlds biggest woman. See, love can take you to all types of places you’d never even dream of going.
“Barbara?”
“Hmm?”
“How many packages of curly fries would I have to eat before I looked like Anna Nichole before surgery?”
I heard rapid clicking for a few seconds, but receive no answer.
“Gabby?”
“What?”
“Maybe you should put the curly fries down and use the treadmill in the training room instead. When I was your age I wouldn’t sit around moping all night just because my girlfriend was out saving the world on date night.”
I roll my eyes, such an old person thing to say. I’d expect it from Alfred, but Barbara?
“Barbara, baby,” I squeal in my best ‘just outta Vegas’ accent, “if you dated in high school then I’m a monkey's plaything.”
“Hey!” my redheaded teacher shouts indignantly as she wheels around the kitchen wall and directly to my plate of curly fries. I try to slap at her thieving hands but I just can’t say no to her when she looks at me with those big puppy dog eyes.
“You know,” Barbara says around her mouthful of greasy, curly goodness, “I think I preferred you when you were shy and couldn’t look me in the eye to lie about why you hadn’t finished your English assignment.”
I sigh wistfully and lean back in my chair, intent on reminiscing, “those were the good old days. Dinah went by her maiden name of Zipper Girl. Helena still stared at anything with two legs and you … well, you were the untouchable, unmentionable, ever virginal redheaded goddess of New Gotham High.”
“I resent that … I was the redheaded goddess of New Gotham. Period.”
“Oh … ha ha. That was so funny in so many ways. Let us count them.”
Barbara rolls her eyes and sneakily grabs another of my fries before I can intercept her hand.
“This coming from the teen wonder at home with her teacher on date night…”
I glare at her for a second before I realise that it is a waste of time and I should really be trying to save the leftovers of my comfort food from the ravenous Oracle.
“Do you think she’s ok?” Barbara asks as another curly fry disappears between her pale red lips. I wonder how many she can actually fit in there. Her black hole of a stomach seems to be just as big as Helena’s at times.
“Who now?” I ask as I quickly save the last of the crispy fries from the plate.
“Dinah,” Barbara rolls her eyes at me and tries to snag another curly fry from my protective grasp.
I take pity and offer the plate. Barbara smiles and steals half the contents … again.
“She’ll be fine. She’s got the new powers and stuff now, she’s like … indestructible or something.” I let my eyes go wide as the thought really hits me between the eyes. My girlfriend, indestructible. I guess those Karma Sutra positions really wouldn’t be so dangerous now.
“Don’t tell her that,” Barbara says with a frown.
I blush, I really should stop thinking sex when the possibility for embarrassment is so high.
I flail desperately to catch the end of the conversation I so readily redirected from for those lust filled thoughts.
“Ummm … oh? Are you kidding me?” Snap, think Gabby, think.
“Oh right!” I drag in a quick mouthful of air, “She protected us from the blast of a bomb, Barbara! Three sticks of Semtex and she throws up a little barrier to keep us alive. Goddamn it. You saw how it ripped apart that room Babs, you saw how it … ripped up the Doctor. Then she just flips all that debris off of us like it’s a piece of fluff on her jacket … all with the power of her mind. If you ask me the girl deserves to feel a little indestructible.”
I jump up, ending the conversation. We both know just how hard it can be to rehash everything that’s … happened.
“I know Gabby … but you know what comes after meta.”
I roll my eyes and sigh, “Yeah. I’ve been noticing that a lot lately.”
Barbara touches my hand softly but I twist her off and smile reassuringly, “I’m fine.”
The elevator pings softly before she can drag me into yet another deep and meaningful.
“At least your lying has improved since high school,” she whispers.
I grin.
“Where’s Dick?” Helena asks as she storms into the room and collapses at the table. When she starts picking at the last few precious curly fries I slap her hands and drag the plate away from her.
“Gone to the Manor,” Barbara answers easily as she heads back to her computer, “He’s leaving tomorrow … said he had some loose ends to tie up before he left.”
Dinah floats in as the two older women continue their verbal bantering.
“Helena? Are you sulking? Oh my … you’re pouting.”
Barbara’s laughter makes no difference to me, Dinah’s smile does. She watches from outside the room, detaching herself from everything, yet able to make contact with any one of us if she wants.
“I just don’t see why you had to drag in the boy wonder!”
Dinah flips her shoulder length hair back over her ear and runs her hands through the restored blonde. She looked much to dark as a brunette.
“Ah hello, Helena? If you don’t remember, we were down by two … remember?”
“Oh so now you’re going to talk my head off about that whole … rushing into a situation without back-up thing.”
Dinah turns her head and looks me straight in the eye. I know that she knew I was staring at her, before she actually caught me in the act.
I turn away blushing and tune into the Helena/Barbara showdown taking place in our kitchen.
“No, I’m not going to talk your head off. I did that last week. Repetitiveness really isn’t my style,” Barbara grins and flips her hair at Helena.
“See now that’s where you’re wrong, last night you repeatedly -“
“MY POINT! Was, that if you don’t want the friends and family of vigilantes’ coming to the rescue you simply have to watch your back just a little more.”
I grin to myself; they’re more entertaining than my Uncle Roy at Christmas Day Happy Hour.
I want to share my insights with Dinah … just because I can. Because she’ll listen and not run off into the night if something upsets her.
She isn’t standing in the doorway anymore.
I cringe.
Without letting Barbara or Helena know I slip from the kitchen and head towards Dinah’s bedroom.
It’s strange to find her in there. Lately I would have been asleep long before she even stepped foot inside the Clocktower. It feels funny to watch her sleeping peacefully, curling her body around her Garfield cushion.
I close the bedroom door and join her on the bed. I might as well keep her warm … and make sure she has safe dreams.
---
The door to the training room is wide open. I’ve never seen Dinah so determined before. She’s so focused on the job at hand. Her tongue is sticking out of the side of her mouth as she pulls herself up on the silver bar Barbara uses for her upper body workout.
She’s truly beautiful. The way the muscles in her arms ripple as she pulls up then relax as she lets her momentum carry her back down. She grunts softly as she crosses her legs at her ankles and bends her knees up so that her feet don’t touch the ground.
She watches me in the mirror. I had no intention of spying on her. I wanted her to know that I was watching her.
She smiles softly at the mirror and I smile back.
“Are you stalking me?” she asks through heavy breathing. I shake my head slowly then change my mind and nod instead.
“I have to stalk you to spend time with you.” I don’t mean for it to sound so accusatory but apparently it comes out that way anyway.
She drops her feet and easily lands on the floor. Hardly a second passes before she’s standing in front of me, her hands limply by her sides and a sorry expression on her face.
"How about we go out Saturday? Just you and me, somewhere quiet?” she smiles softly and touches my elbow.
Her soft skin sends sparks up and down my entire arm.
“You and me,” I whisper to her, I pick up her arms and wrap them around my waist then wrap my own arms around her neck. “It’s a date.”
I hug her, hard.
She grunts softly and I let go just a little bit.
“Maybe we should go and …”
“Just a second,” I whisper before attaching my lips firmly to hers.
My quick peck turns into a long, unhurried splurge of pent up passion. It’s been way too long.
I break away gasping for breath and bury my head into her shoulder. I smile.
“We should …”
“I know. Let’s go, but next time D. Maybe you should leave the exercising until you’re actually awake.”
Dinah turns to me and smiles, “but I don’t get all sweaty when I dream lift.”
I laugh as we head toward the light … and another full day together, finally at peace with each other.