This brings me back to the point of 'well I really can't be all that close to you if you don't even fucking talk to me'.
I was frustrated and when I tried to get information to ease my frustration and to fix things with someone I care and still care about fixing things with, people fed into that frustration. So much of this has been twisted and so much of this has been taken out of context on both sides.
You've listed several instances of where I've done it, here's some of yours.
I wasn't intending on Pseudo therapist-ing you with the shit you're dealing with right now. I was just trying to be the friend you called me, I was trying to reestablish a connection. You accused me, and again I can't pull up the stupid note cuz I can't find it in the settings, and you said you just 'couldn't deal with me right now' or something along those lines [NOTE THE FOLLOWING AND THE PREVIOUS ARE ABRIGED AND MAY NOT BE ANYTHING NEAR DIRECT QUOTES] and pretty much said 'go away' or at least that's the impression I got. To be honest? I was trying to show you I've been working my ass off to change and that I could be supportive towards you now instead of you having to babysit me because that's something a friend should never have to do. Thanks for not even giving that thought a chance.
You've accused me of going to other people and yet not a single person at my request has snapped at you or spoken to you. Asty did I didn't ask her to, I actually asked her not to before I said ANYTHING because I was trying to fix it, I had no intentions of getting her to dislike you or anything by those means. You're twisting that out of context when she went to you of your own accord and for the record, she did her share of bitching in that conversation which I will gladly give you a log of if you'd like it and Asty is okay with it. I didn't just outright attack you, she attacked right back on occasion. It's not like you're an innocent victim being abused by lil lo me, no the fault is on both sides. But I did not and I WILL NOT go to my mamas and whine about this beyond three emails to one mama to ask if, in his opinion, I should continue to peruse this friendship I had/have with you. There's a chance they'll see this eventually and that's fine with me but I've made a point of telling them I want to handle this myself.
I don't want to poison anyone towards you and I know I told Asty that. It's one of the reasons I was scared to talk to her and I was scared to talk to Dani for a reason beyond that.
If you say 'well what happened between Asty and I is between Asty and I' that's fine. But Dani im'd me in a mannor similar to this LJ. Shouldn't what's between you and I stay between you and I?' I dunno, I guess because I'm confused on the whole thing, but I thought even in romantic relationships there was a line when it was something the other person should stay out of.
I know for a fact I asked Dani to ask you when you weren't busy if I could get your new MSN because, again, I wanted to talk to you myself. I wanted to confront you about the frustrations I've had with you and I wanted to ask if you even still liked me because you have not been acting it. Maybe this is a friendship tiering thing, where some friends are more important than others. You mentioned how you wanted to get closer to me [I think, I might be reading it wrong] and yet you've not once since the 10th of Februrary + that PM and a passing note in the chartroom even SPOKEN to me. How does that indicate a desire to deepen a friendship? How in the hell was I supposed to know you still cared when you wouldn't even speak to me?
I don't think I'm wrong here, I think you should've said something to me sooner as to why you aren't talking to me when you apparently make time for a lot of other people. I think I'm wrong in the fact I should've found a way [because I really did half ass the effort in a sense] even if it was outside my comfort zone to get your freaking attention so that nobody else would have to be involved. Someone once told me 'the fewer people involved, the easier the situation becomes to solve. It's not always fun or pleasant but in the end it's the best thing to do'. At the time it was told to me I was frustrated because 'what if the person doesn't listen?' I didn't realize it then but the answer is you've got to scream loud enough [much like you did here] to get the person's attention.
There are other subjects in this LJ I won't address here because it's a public entry and I keep certain things filtered for a reason. You can call me a coward, I probably am, but I won't respond to them where the whole world can see even more of my dirty laundry than they've already seen.
Look, you can give up on me if you want, you can hate me if you want you can get your friends to hate me if you want.
I want to work things out or at least get everything out on the table and I want to do it in a one on one setting to keep people out of it because really, it may not embarrass you but some of this stuff is absolutely humiliating to me. I'm fine now, I didn't used to be but I am now, with hearing what people have to say to my face but I'd prefer it in a one on one. Call it a middle ground; it's better in my opinion than running away.
The reason I've been fighting this so damn hard and understandably causing you grief is because I care about the friendship we had/have and I don't want it to disappear, I don't' want to lose a friend like you and if I already have, just say it and I'll delete you from whatever you'd like me to delete you from, no further discussion required.
And in case you don't have them, my msn is still the same at patchwork-flowers@hotmail.com and my aim is now magikarpisgod. My skype, if you'd prefer a vocal talk about all of this, is mikanyaan.
I'm not sure if I'm going to reply to all of this, but Mika, you made me a part of this when you started spouting off those lies to Astinus, whom I barely know.
You made me a part of this when you asked me for help with Jax.
And yes, I IMed you because I was so furious at you.
There is nothing wrong with friends talking about other friends behind each other's backs - it is a fact of life, and I realize this, but when you go on to make up lies for whatever reason (really, I don't know what the hell your reason is for this, other than to stir up drama), that's crossing the line.
Seriously, what the hell kind of friend are you if you do this? You say you 'didn't mean to pit anyone against each other,' well, uh, regardless of what you meant or not, you caused a lot of drama over something that was really nothing. I'm not even sure if I can call it 'something.'
That's why I'm angry, and that's why I'm involved now. So don't blame me.
Also, as a friend? Yes, you have your expectations, and you are entitled to them, but if a friend tells you they are genuinely stressed, pressed thin and making themselves sick because of things they have to do that are, God forbid, MORE important that the internet? (Seriously, it's not like she hasn't tried to tell you this nicely more than a few times...)
If you're anything of a friend, you should respect them for that, accept it, get over it, and not cause wank, drama, or whine about it because YOU REALLY DO CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR WELL-BEING, and aren't being so self-centered that you can't see beyond yourself.
"I'm not sure if I'm going to reply to all of this, but Mika, you made me a part of this when you started spouting off those lies to Astinus, whom I barely know."
Context context.
"You made me a part of this when you asked me for help with Jax."
Yes, I asked for help. I didn't ask you to fix it, I didn't ask you in fact I do believe I asked you NOT to go spew everything I said to her. I simply wanted an opinion and I really wanted it from Jax and I had no clue [Tho honestly I probably didn't look hard enough for a clue] how to get it from her. You two are semi-dating ish yes? That would make you someone who would be in the know and that is why I asked you.
"And yes, I IMed you because I was so furious at you."
I get that you're mad but blocking me without giving me a chance to defend myself was just as much of a drama move as my VENTING at Asty. And yeah, you know honestly I probably went too far with my venting.
"There is nothing wrong with friends talking about other friends behind each other's backs - it is a fact of life, and I realize this, but when you go on to make up lies for whatever reason (really, I don't know what the hell your reason is for this, other than to stir up drama), that's crossing the line."
I do not think I made up lies with the soul purpose of trolling or anything along those lines and I don't even get 100% where the lies are. What I think happened is I twisted things and didn't work hard enough to untwist them. It's a lie, yes it's a lie but it's not a malicious lie made up simply to cause pain and suffering.
"Seriously, what the hell kind of friend are you if you do this? You say you 'didn't mean to pit anyone against each other,' well, uh, regardless of what you meant or not, you caused a lot of drama over something that was really nothing. I'm not even sure if I can call it 'something.'"
It was nothing to you sure but it was a big deal to me and I have a right to say to a friend 'hey, what you're doing is hurtful, why the fuck are you doing it?' and I know you've said the exact same thing BEHIND OTHER PEOPLE'S BACKS MIND YOU about friends when YOU'VE been frustrated. How do I know you haven't twisted things in frustration in entries where you complain about particular people in much the same way I complained about Jax in a private MSN to Asty?
"That's why I'm angry, and that's why I'm involved now. So don't blame me."
I'm only trying to blame the lack of direct communication which all parties has said is a major issue here.
"Also, as a friend? Yes, you have your expectations, and you are entitled to them, but if a friend tells you they are genuinely stressed, pressed thin and making themselves sick because of things they have to do that are, God forbid, MORE important that the internet? (Seriously, it's not like she hasn't tried to tell you this nicely more than a few times...)"
Actually, I can flip this back my way. I've got lovely things more important than the internet on my mind too and maybe just maybe they're part of the reason why I bitched beyond the line of bitching last night. Or am I not allowed to use the same excuse you two did?
"If you're anything of a friend, you should respect them for that, accept it, get over it, and not cause wank, drama, or whine about it because YOU REALLY DO CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR WELL-BEING, and aren't being so self-centered that you can't see beyond yourself."
It's self-centered to say to a friend 'You're my friend but I honest to God can't even say hi to you right now' when you know what that friend will think because of it. Can you tell me, 100% honestly, that if she and all your other friends for the most part quit talking to you for an extended period of time that not even an itty bitty bit of you would feel like a bad friend for pushing them into that corner? I wanted ot be supportive, like the friend she was claiming I was. When she rejected that, I got even more frustrated.
I was not asking tho I can see how it came across as such for intense srs buisness conversations 24/7 365 days a year. I was looking for a hi how are you basic thing on occasion, just to keep a connection established. If it's worth Jax's time to talk to you and Asty but not worth her time to talk to me, then that's something I personally need to address.
I've tried addressing it on my own and it hasn't worked so I've looked after exhausting my personal options, into trying to fix it through people who know her better than I so I can try and get a picture of what's going on. :x A simple answer when the evidence I find doesn't back it up and please, no comments on how i 'invented' evidence, I've in the past not backed up what I said and I've been working on that. Before I even spoke to you Dani, I'd re-read my entire log convos with Jax looking for signs as to why I was such a killjoy as a friend. :X
When I didn't find anything obvious, I decided well fuck it, it might make them explode at me but I want an answer and if I'm really the friend they say I am, I need an answer to improve my friend-ness.
It seems you both find this method redundant. That's your opinion and you're free to it. I don't have the same social skills you do, I'm playing catch up and it's not by my own personal choice.
I see that you don't comment on my journals, you don't talk to me, you don't go out of your way to connect with me. I guess well maybe this is my fault. I look back on past behavior. Woah, I used you guys as things I shouldn't have used you as. Okay, well I need to change that.
But wait, you aren't even giving me that chance, you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally [and, in the irony of this, I am because of how far down the road this has gone] that you're in a sense just writing me off as a 'big fat bother'
Who WOULDN'T be angry and frustrated to hear that when they're doing all they can to change? Shouldn't friends support that regardless of their own skepticism?
So uh, all of that gives you a 'right' to cause drama, which really did the opposite of whatever you were trying to accomplish? Right.
I'm not saying you don't have a right to be angry and frustrated, but your methods of 'fixing' things really need some work.
I see that you don't comment on my journals, you don't talk to me, you don't go out of your way to connect with me.
Occasionally you IM me. Once in a blue moon you comment. Really, I only comment or IM if I have something to say. It's nothing personal, but just how I operate. =|
But wait, you aren't even giving me that chance, you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally [and, in the irony of this, I am because of how far down the road this has gone] that you're in a sense just writing me off as a 'big fat bother'
Well, quite frankly, why should any of us give you that chance, now? Really, I think any assumptions we made have had about you are pretty much confirmed by this whole mess - emotionally taxing? Yes. Very.
If anyone knows me well, they'll know that I do not hold grudges (maybe small gripes,) but I am one to forgive. Not necessarily forget, but forgive. I'd much rather start over anew and get rid of any bad feelings, provided all ends were tied up and things were sorted out. Really, I don't even get angry that often with my friends, but for this?
I see that you don't comment on my journals, you don't talk to me, you don't go out of your way to connect with me.
First off, you rarely post.
Second, we're also not the ones trying to prove our friendship here. You've always come to us (and by us, I mean me) with the same problems you post about in your LJ, but you don't seem to give a shit about what I have to say, much less make an effort to communicate via comments. Or, you know, read my posts so you don't do things like go whine to Dani about how I seem to be ignoring you when it's finals month.
you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally
BECAUSE YOU HAVE IN THE PAST, AND YOU'VE YET TO PROVE THAT YOU AREN'T IN THE FUTURE. As I've said in my own response, stirring drama by talking crap about me behind my back? NOT A GOOD WAY TO PROVE THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME OLD SHIT AGAIN. You want to prove that you're going to be a better person? Refrain from causing drama and contact me by means other than MSN and whatever faulty PM system you've been trying to use.
Not to mention, about the comment thing, have you ever noticed that I don't comment on people's entries unless I have something significant to say? In fact, I think I mentioned this to you once.
Yes, I asked for help. I didn't ask you to fix it, I didn't ask you in fact I do believe I asked you NOT to go spew everything I said to her. I simply wanted an opinion and I really wanted it from Jax and I had no clue [Tho honestly I probably didn't look hard enough for a clue] how to get it from her. You two are semi-dating ish yes? That would make you someone who would be in the know and that is why I asked you.
Honestly, I don't remember if you directly asked me to or not, and since I've blocked you, I can't go back and look to see if you did flat out ask me not to mention this to her, so if I did and you asked me not so, I apologize for that. However, that doesn't take away the fact that you were apparently as you put it, 'twisting' stuff about Jax and I to someone else.
As for semi-dating? Um, what? We never said any of that. I'm not labeling anything. I've got feelings for her, she reciprocates some, the end. It is what it is, and it's none of your business.
I get that you're mad but blocking me without giving me a chance to defend myself was just as much of a drama move as my VENTING at Asty. And yeah, you know honestly I probably went too far with my venting.
Maybe because I don't feel like dealing with your bullshit? Yeah. You're not really worth my time.
I do not think I made up lies with the soul purpose of trolling or anything along those lines and I don't even get 100% where the lies are. What I think happened is I twisted things and didn't work hard enough to untwist them. It's a lie, yes it's a lie but it's not a malicious lie made up simply to cause pain and suffering.
Regardless of whatever your intention was (I'm not even sure I want to know?), lies are lies, and you really shouldn't be surprised people are hurt and pissed off about this.
It was nothing to you sure but it was a big deal to me and I have a right to say to a friend 'hey, what you're doing is hurtful, why the fuck are you doing it?' and I know you've said the exact same thing BEHIND OTHER PEOPLE'S BACKS MIND YOU about friends when YOU'VE been frustrated. How do I know you haven't twisted things in frustration in entries where you complain about particular people in much the same way I complained about Jax in a private MSN to Asty?
You were going beyond this. Jax tried to communicate with you why she wasn't at your beck and call to coddle you, or whatever it is you want. It's not that she didn't acknowledge it was upsetting to you - she just has more important things on her mind, which you can't seem to grasp. And yes, I have vented in my journal before, but I do my best not to twist things and lie - actually, I make a point not to do this, because what's the point of getting the opinions of other people if you're drowning them in overbias? I try to show things as neutrally as possible so I can get better results. You should try this.
Actually, I can flip this back my way. I've got lovely things more important than the internet on my mind too and maybe just maybe they're part of the reason why I bitched beyond the line of bitching last night. Or am I not allowed to use the same excuse you two did?
Mika, everyone has problems. They are important to them because they are THEIRS - it is NOT a contest. Deal with it.
It's self-centered to say to a friend 'You're my friend but I honest to God can't even say hi to you right now' when you know what that friend will think because of it. Can you tell me, 100% honestly, that if she and all your other friends for the most part quit talking to you for an extended period of time that not even an itty bitty bit of you would feel like a bad friend for pushing them into that corner? I wanted ot be supportive, like the friend she was claiming I was. When she rejected that, I got even more frustrated.
I was frustrated and when I tried to get information to ease my frustration and to fix things with someone I care and still care about fixing things with, people fed into that frustration. So much of this has been twisted and so much of this has been taken out of context on both sides.
You've listed several instances of where I've done it, here's some of yours.
I wasn't intending on Pseudo therapist-ing you with the shit you're dealing with right now. I was just trying to be the friend you called me, I was trying to reestablish a connection. You accused me, and again I can't pull up the stupid note cuz I can't find it in the settings, and you said you just 'couldn't deal with me right now' or something along those lines [NOTE THE FOLLOWING AND THE PREVIOUS ARE ABRIGED AND MAY NOT BE ANYTHING NEAR DIRECT QUOTES] and pretty much said 'go away' or at least that's the impression I got. To be honest? I was trying to show you I've been working my ass off to change and that I could be supportive towards you now instead of you having to babysit me because that's something a friend should never have to do. Thanks for not even giving that thought a chance.
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I don't want to poison anyone towards you and I know I told Asty that. It's one of the reasons I was scared to talk to her and I was scared to talk to Dani for a reason beyond that.
If you say 'well what happened between Asty and I is between Asty and I' that's fine. But Dani im'd me in a mannor similar to this LJ. Shouldn't what's between you and I stay between you and I?' I dunno, I guess because I'm confused on the whole thing, but I thought even in romantic relationships there was a line when it was something the other person should stay out of.
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I don't think I'm wrong here, I think you should've said something to me sooner as to why you aren't talking to me when you apparently make time for a lot of other people. I think I'm wrong in the fact I should've found a way [because I really did half ass the effort in a sense] even if it was outside my comfort zone to get your freaking attention so that nobody else would have to be involved. Someone once told me 'the fewer people involved, the easier the situation becomes to solve. It's not always fun or pleasant but in the end it's the best thing to do'. At the time it was told to me I was frustrated because 'what if the person doesn't listen?' I didn't realize it then but the answer is you've got to scream loud enough [much like you did here] to get the person's attention.
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Look, you can give up on me if you want, you can hate me if you want you can get your friends to hate me if you want.
I want to work things out or at least get everything out on the table and I want to do it in a one on one setting to keep people out of it because really, it may not embarrass you but some of this stuff is absolutely humiliating to me. I'm fine now, I didn't used to be but I am now, with hearing what people have to say to my face but I'd prefer it in a one on one. Call it a middle ground; it's better in my opinion than running away.
The reason I've been fighting this so damn hard and understandably causing you grief is because I care about the friendship we had/have and I don't want it to disappear, I don't' want to lose a friend like you and if I already have, just say it and I'll delete you from whatever you'd like me to delete you from, no further discussion required.
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You made me a part of this when you asked me for help with Jax.
And yes, I IMed you because I was so furious at you.
There is nothing wrong with friends talking about other friends behind each other's backs - it is a fact of life, and I realize this, but when you go on to make up lies for whatever reason (really, I don't know what the hell your reason is for this, other than to stir up drama), that's crossing the line.
Seriously, what the hell kind of friend are you if you do this? You say you 'didn't mean to pit anyone against each other,' well, uh, regardless of what you meant or not, you caused a lot of drama over something that was really nothing. I'm not even sure if I can call it 'something.'
That's why I'm angry, and that's why I'm involved now. So don't blame me.
Also, as a friend? Yes, you have your expectations, and you are entitled to them, but if a friend tells you they are genuinely stressed, pressed thin and making themselves sick because of things they have to do that are, God forbid, MORE important that the internet? (Seriously, it's not like she hasn't tried to tell you this nicely more than a few times...)
If you're anything of a friend, you should respect them for that, accept it, get over it, and not cause wank, drama, or whine about it because YOU REALLY DO CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR WELL-BEING, and aren't being so self-centered that you can't see beyond yourself.
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Context context.
"You made me a part of this when you asked me for help with Jax."
Yes, I asked for help. I didn't ask you to fix it, I didn't ask you in fact I do believe I asked you NOT to go spew everything I said to her. I simply wanted an opinion and I really wanted it from Jax and I had no clue [Tho honestly I probably didn't look hard enough for a clue] how to get it from her. You two are semi-dating ish yes? That would make you someone who would be in the know and that is why I asked you.
"And yes, I IMed you because I was so furious at you."
I get that you're mad but blocking me without giving me a chance to defend myself was just as much of a drama move as my VENTING at Asty. And yeah, you know honestly I probably went too far with my venting.
"There is nothing wrong with friends talking about other friends behind each other's backs - it is a fact of life, and I realize this, but when you go on to make up lies for whatever reason (really, I don't know what the hell your reason is for this, other than to stir up drama), that's crossing the line."
I do not think I made up lies with the soul purpose of trolling or anything along those lines and I don't even get 100% where the lies are. What I think happened is I twisted things and didn't work hard enough to untwist them. It's a lie, yes it's a lie but it's not a malicious lie made up simply to cause pain and suffering.
"Seriously, what the hell kind of friend are you if you do this? You say you 'didn't mean to pit anyone against each other,' well, uh, regardless of what you meant or not, you caused a lot of drama over something that was really nothing. I'm not even sure if I can call it 'something.'"
It was nothing to you sure but it was a big deal to me and I have a right to say to a friend 'hey, what you're doing is hurtful, why the fuck are you doing it?' and I know you've said the exact same thing BEHIND OTHER PEOPLE'S BACKS MIND YOU about friends when YOU'VE been frustrated. How do I know you haven't twisted things in frustration in entries where you complain about particular people in much the same way I complained about Jax in a private MSN to Asty?
"That's why I'm angry, and that's why I'm involved now. So don't blame me."
I'm only trying to blame the lack of direct communication which all parties has said is a major issue here.
"Also, as a friend? Yes, you have your expectations, and you are entitled to them, but if a friend tells you they are genuinely stressed, pressed thin and making themselves sick because of things they have to do that are, God forbid, MORE important that the internet? (Seriously, it's not like she hasn't tried to tell you this nicely more than a few times...)"
Actually, I can flip this back my way. I've got lovely things more important than the internet on my mind too and maybe just maybe they're part of the reason why I bitched beyond the line of bitching last night. Or am I not allowed to use the same excuse you two did?
"If you're anything of a friend, you should respect them for that, accept it, get over it, and not cause wank, drama, or whine about it because YOU REALLY DO CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR WELL-BEING, and aren't being so self-centered that you can't see beyond yourself."
It's self-centered to say to a friend 'You're my friend but I honest to God can't even say hi to you right now' when you know what that friend will think because of it. Can you tell me, 100% honestly, that if she and all your other friends for the most part quit talking to you for an extended period of time that not even an itty bitty bit of you would feel like a bad friend for pushing them into that corner? I wanted ot be supportive, like the friend she was claiming I was. When she rejected that, I got even more frustrated.
I was not asking tho I can see how it came across as such for intense srs buisness conversations 24/7 365 days a year. I was looking for a hi how are you basic thing on occasion, just to keep a connection established. If it's worth Jax's time to talk to you and Asty but not worth her time to talk to me, then that's something I personally need to address.
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It seems you both find this method redundant. That's your opinion and you're free to it. I don't have the same social skills you do, I'm playing catch up and it's not by my own personal choice.
I see that you don't comment on my journals, you don't talk to me, you don't go out of your way to connect with me. I guess well maybe this is my fault. I look back on past behavior. Woah, I used you guys as things I shouldn't have used you as. Okay, well I need to change that.
But wait, you aren't even giving me that chance, you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally [and, in the irony of this, I am because of how far down the road this has gone] that you're in a sense just writing me off as a 'big fat bother'
Who WOULDN'T be angry and frustrated to hear that when they're doing all they can to change? Shouldn't friends support that regardless of their own skepticism?
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I'm not saying you don't have a right to be angry and frustrated, but your methods of 'fixing' things really need some work.
I see that you don't comment on my journals, you don't talk to me, you don't go out of your way to connect with me.
Occasionally you IM me. Once in a blue moon you comment. Really, I only comment or IM if I have something to say. It's nothing personal, but just how I operate. =|
But wait, you aren't even giving me that chance, you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally [and, in the irony of this, I am because of how far down the road this has gone] that you're in a sense just writing me off as a 'big fat bother'
Well, quite frankly, why should any of us give you that chance, now? Really, I think any assumptions we made have had about you are pretty much confirmed by this whole mess - emotionally taxing? Yes. Very.
If anyone knows me well, they'll know that I do not hold grudges (maybe small gripes,) but I am one to forgive. Not necessarily forget, but forgive. I'd much rather start over anew and get rid of any bad feelings, provided all ends were tied up and things were sorted out. Really, I don't even get angry that often with my friends, but for this?
Drama is something I make exceptions for.
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First off, you rarely post.
Second, we're also not the ones trying to prove our friendship here. You've always come to us (and by us, I mean me) with the same problems you post about in your LJ, but you don't seem to give a shit about what I have to say, much less make an effort to communicate via comments. Or, you know, read my posts so you don't do things like go whine to Dani about how I seem to be ignoring you when it's finals month.
you're just assuming I'm going to tax you so much emotionally
BECAUSE YOU HAVE IN THE PAST, AND YOU'VE YET TO PROVE THAT YOU AREN'T IN THE FUTURE. As I've said in my own response, stirring drama by talking crap about me behind my back? NOT A GOOD WAY TO PROVE THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME OLD SHIT AGAIN. You want to prove that you're going to be a better person? Refrain from causing drama and contact me by means other than MSN and whatever faulty PM system you've been trying to use.
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Honestly, I don't remember if you directly asked me to or not, and since I've blocked you, I can't go back and look to see if you did flat out ask me not to mention this to her, so if I did and you asked me not so, I apologize for that. However, that doesn't take away the fact that you were apparently as you put it, 'twisting' stuff about Jax and I to someone else.
As for semi-dating? Um, what? We never said any of that. I'm not labeling anything. I've got feelings for her, she reciprocates some, the end. It is what it is, and it's none of your business.
I get that you're mad but blocking me without giving me a chance to defend myself was just as much of a drama move as my VENTING at Asty. And yeah, you know honestly I probably went too far with my venting.
Maybe because I don't feel like dealing with your bullshit? Yeah. You're not really worth my time.
I do not think I made up lies with the soul purpose of trolling or anything along those lines and I don't even get 100% where the lies are. What I think happened is I twisted things and didn't work hard enough to untwist them. It's a lie, yes it's a lie but it's not a malicious lie made up simply to cause pain and suffering.
Regardless of whatever your intention was (I'm not even sure I want to know?), lies are lies, and you really shouldn't be surprised people are hurt and pissed off about this.
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It was nothing to you sure but it was a big deal to me and I have a right to say to a friend 'hey, what you're doing is hurtful, why the fuck are you doing it?' and I know you've said the exact same thing BEHIND OTHER PEOPLE'S BACKS MIND YOU about friends when YOU'VE been frustrated. How do I know you haven't twisted things in frustration in entries where you complain about particular people in much the same way I complained about Jax in a private MSN to Asty?
You were going beyond this. Jax tried to communicate with you why she wasn't at your beck and call to coddle you, or whatever it is you want. It's not that she didn't acknowledge it was upsetting to you - she just has more important things on her mind, which you can't seem to grasp. And yes, I have vented in my journal before, but I do my best not to twist things and lie - actually, I make a point not to do this, because what's the point of getting the opinions of other people if you're drowning them in overbias? I try to show things as neutrally as possible so I can get better results. You should try this.
Actually, I can flip this back my way. I've got lovely things more important than the internet on my mind too and maybe just maybe they're part of the reason why I bitched beyond the line of bitching last night. Or am I not allowed to use the same excuse you two did?
Mika, everyone has problems. They are important to them because they are THEIRS - it is NOT a contest. Deal with it.
It's self-centered to say to a friend 'You're my friend but I honest to God can't even say hi to you right now' when you know what that friend will think because of it. Can you tell me, 100% honestly, that if she and all your other friends for the most part quit talking to you for an extended period of time that not even an itty bitty bit of you would feel like a bad friend for pushing them into that corner? I wanted ot be supportive, like the friend she was claiming I was. When she rejected that, I got even more frustrated.
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