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[banjomensch]

I've been reading about Dorothy Tennov, and her ideas about human bonding. In her analysis of romantic relationships, she identified an initial emotional state called "limerence" - an intense, involuntary attachment, characterized by intrusive thinking, an awkward wavering balance between hope and uncertainty

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[babe_of_beyazit]

In my experience, being limerent:
1. is totally awesome if the other person feels the same way.
2. totally blows if they don't.

Sometimes it's hard for me to determine whether a relationship is of the first or second variety. I sometimes have these very strong feelings early on, but I don't know if it's because I had them all along, or because the fact of someone liking me is a big turn-on. All I know is if I never feel that way, it never works out, even if the other party is REALLY into me. I guess if I feel any kind of aversion to someone, it doesn't go away just because they have a crush on me, but if I don't have any particular reservations, then the fact of them liking me is a big turn-on.

I think maybe the issue of whether limerence leads to long term bonds is skewed by some of the notions that exist in our culture of what love is supposed to be. When we write the narrative of our current primary relationship, we usually like to imagine that we knew immediately that the person we are with was "the one" and if this affection is not immediate, then it is easy, even long after the fact, to imagine that this must mean the relationship is doomed. Add to this the fact that we might be more prone to "limerence" if the object of our affection really is a good match for us, and has the capacity to inspire strong feelings in us which could last a long time, even if limerence doesn't.