...
Well the anger cooled, as it always does, so I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, but I don't want to do much of anything.
After writing my last entry I did something drastic, I looked up some depression places and chose one close to me, filled in their enquiry form, so I couldn't back out after I pressed send. Today I got an e-mail back, I am so glad they actually READ what I wrote and e-mailled me instead of ringing me, although they will end up having to call me, and I kinda dread that, but then again this is what they do, so I can only hope they can understand the anxiety that I experiance, because I think its all part of it. I get horribly anxious about all kinds of simple things especially talking on the phone to set up and appointment, going to doctors, going anywhere alone. Actually going anywhere is getting harder and harder, I worry about it until I am almost sick and then when I do it, I am fine, like going to other ppls houses or out for a meal in a social setting. It's weird because I used to love these things, now I just get overly worried I stress about everything, what if I don't like the food, what if I don't like the people, what if I wear the wrong kind of clothes, what if the food makes me sick... etc etc etc..... although nearly everytime nothing bad happens and I have a good time.
Right now I have had to much sugar or I am more stressed out than normal, I feel like I want to do something.... not sure what, but Scotts gone to bed early... ho hum.... BORING.