Confused
So that horrid fog still looms in my head. Everyday I think I get closer to fixing things at least a little then a few things are said or done and I feel like I'm back to where I started from. Its quite frustrating. Hmm. I've just been questioning everything these last few weeks and I'm afraid that it was a mistake to try and fix all the wrong at once cause know I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. There's so many "battles" going on inside my head that sometimes I wish I could figure out how to stop thinking for a least 5 mins. There's a constant battle going on between my head and my heart and I know your supposed to follow your heart but how can you if your mind wont cooperate? Is it possible to have the 2 constantly disagreeing.
Sometimes I wonder if this is what its like to finally hit maturity or adulthood. Maybe Ive just been acting like a teenager before and am not as mature as I thought. I guess I just wish I knew what was causing all this stuff to change in my head lately. I dunno maybe its just a personal thing or maybe its something that everyone goes threw. Hmm can you have a mid-life crisis at 19? I would assume not since its not near my mid-life but I would imagine some of these thoughts in my head could be something you could have during that. I guess I just wish that I had some since of normal in my life again. I know that its completely my fault that I don't have that norm anymore I just wish there was some type again. Some days I wish I had never done what I did because even though I wasn't happy, I still had security and someone who loved me and I loved. I dunno I feel so selfish for wanting so much and hurting so many people in order to get it but yet it didn't seem fair to act like I was happy when I wasn't. I don't think I can make anyone else happy if I'm not.
I wish life wasn't so darn hard sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if this is what its like to finally hit maturity or adulthood. Maybe Ive just been acting like a teenager before and am not as mature as I thought. I guess I just wish I knew what was causing all this stuff to change in my head lately. I dunno maybe its just a personal thing or maybe its something that everyone goes threw. Hmm can you have a mid-life crisis at 19? I would assume not since its not near my mid-life but I would imagine some of these thoughts in my head could be something you could have during that. I guess I just wish that I had some since of normal in my life again. I know that its completely my fault that I don't have that norm anymore I just wish there was some type again. Some days I wish I had never done what I did because even though I wasn't happy, I still had security and someone who loved me and I loved. I dunno I feel so selfish for wanting so much and hurting so many people in order to get it but yet it didn't seem fair to act like I was happy when I wasn't. I don't think I can make anyone else happy if I'm not.
I wish life wasn't so darn hard sometimes.