Frustration
Ironic, I am sitting down to write my blog that I promised would be about how frustrated I am on the one night that I am, for reasons unknown, not feeling particularly frustrated. I guess being in the middle of a 3 day weekend (also ironically on a Tuesday), helps relieve the stress a bit. Still, I know that this frustration lies within me, so maybe with a little bit of typing, it will flow out, as my words usually do when I randomly start to type in my blog. I rarely know what the outcome of a particular blog will be, but honestly, if you people read it, and actually feel compelled to comment, it doesn't matter what the content is, really. Hearing feedback on random babble, to me, is more fun than if I were to pour my heart out and nobody cares to say anything about it. Of course, at the same time, if I were to put my soul on paper (or computer notepad) and nobody cares, I guess that would be pretty discouraging. I guess what I need the most is a good balance. I want to write what means something to ME, but have it strike a chord in my loyal readers as well (I know you're out there... all three of you...)
So the reason for my initial post about being frustrated was pretty much fixed within a day or two. Anyone who knows me has likely heard me talk about the "awesome new job" that I applied for a year and a half ago. I had all but forgotten about it when finally, just two weeks ago, I got the news that they were FINALLY hiring. I went in and thought that I aced the interview. I've never done so well in an interview for anything before, so I felt great coming out of there. The frustration started when soon after, they asked for my transcripts and for reference letters from my employers. The transcripts were easy (though frustrating when my brother "forgot" to pick one of them up, making me drive 70 miles out of the way), but the reference letters were impossible. Apparently, it's now illegal for an employer to give any reference other than confirmation that I do, in fact, work there. Anyway, I was told that they needed the reference, so I kind of threw together a personal letter apologizing, and wrote off the whole thing as a failure. This was all alleviated, however, when the very next day, I got a call with an official job offer. I'm kind of thinking it was all some sort of test, and I passed, or even better, I had the job to begin with, and they were just required to ask for the references while waiting for my transcripts.
Anyway, in a couple of weeks, I'll be working for the state, so that whole frustrating ordeal was taken care of. The second source of frustration is one of those ongoing things that's always in the back of my mind. It hides most of the time, but my insecurity comes out on occasion and makes me see the world in shades of red. I don't want to get into it as deeply as I originally intended, but still, to this day, and forever in the future, I will not understand how the dicks of the world somehow get everything they want. There are a few people in particular that, when I watch them, it baffles me that people are attracted towards them. These people disgust me as a human being, but they start spouting off hateful babble or inane bragging, and other people, who I can only imagine are of a much lesser intelligence, are sucked in. "Eff this, eff that! Check out the engine in my car! Wanna fight? I can do this random unimportant task better than anyone else in the world!" How are people attracted to that? I seriously want grab people and shake them, and just scream "WHY?!?"
A sick, scientific part of me wants to drive to some random city where nobody knows me. When I arrive, I'll brag about how amazing I am, and talk crap on anyone and everyone I see. I will insult a girl, just in an attempt to pick her up, and when she inevitably falls for it, a cameraman will jump out of a van and I'll ask her what the hell is wrong with her. It'd be a great new reality TV show. Of course, there are two reasons that show would never work. Number one: I have a soul, and I'd feel horrible talking like that, even in jest. Number two: I'm not a very attractive man, and there are a lot of douchebags in the world, so they'd likely see through my facade and go for an actual doucher instead of me.
I seriously just don't understand this world sometimes... Honestly, I'm not trying or anything, but if a girl told me that she wouldn't date me because of my looks, though she acknowledges my personality as appealing, I think I'd understand. It would suck, but in this world, as sad as it sounds, that is the norm. It's not the nice guys who finish last. It's just the attractive douches finish first, and they do it by lying, cheating, and stealing to get ahead. Humility is dead. The only way to win a girl is by bragging about how big and fast my everything is.
This took an odd turn, but now I'm feeling more angry than frustrated. I'm going to end this here, because everything I've tried to type in the past few minutes ended up being gibberish. I almost don't want to post this blog at all. Rereading it, it's probably the worst one I've written in years. So fragmented and pointless... I guess that's just what you get this time, folks.
So the reason for my initial post about being frustrated was pretty much fixed within a day or two. Anyone who knows me has likely heard me talk about the "awesome new job" that I applied for a year and a half ago. I had all but forgotten about it when finally, just two weeks ago, I got the news that they were FINALLY hiring. I went in and thought that I aced the interview. I've never done so well in an interview for anything before, so I felt great coming out of there. The frustration started when soon after, they asked for my transcripts and for reference letters from my employers. The transcripts were easy (though frustrating when my brother "forgot" to pick one of them up, making me drive 70 miles out of the way), but the reference letters were impossible. Apparently, it's now illegal for an employer to give any reference other than confirmation that I do, in fact, work there. Anyway, I was told that they needed the reference, so I kind of threw together a personal letter apologizing, and wrote off the whole thing as a failure. This was all alleviated, however, when the very next day, I got a call with an official job offer. I'm kind of thinking it was all some sort of test, and I passed, or even better, I had the job to begin with, and they were just required to ask for the references while waiting for my transcripts.
Anyway, in a couple of weeks, I'll be working for the state, so that whole frustrating ordeal was taken care of. The second source of frustration is one of those ongoing things that's always in the back of my mind. It hides most of the time, but my insecurity comes out on occasion and makes me see the world in shades of red. I don't want to get into it as deeply as I originally intended, but still, to this day, and forever in the future, I will not understand how the dicks of the world somehow get everything they want. There are a few people in particular that, when I watch them, it baffles me that people are attracted towards them. These people disgust me as a human being, but they start spouting off hateful babble or inane bragging, and other people, who I can only imagine are of a much lesser intelligence, are sucked in. "Eff this, eff that! Check out the engine in my car! Wanna fight? I can do this random unimportant task better than anyone else in the world!" How are people attracted to that? I seriously want grab people and shake them, and just scream "WHY?!?"
A sick, scientific part of me wants to drive to some random city where nobody knows me. When I arrive, I'll brag about how amazing I am, and talk crap on anyone and everyone I see. I will insult a girl, just in an attempt to pick her up, and when she inevitably falls for it, a cameraman will jump out of a van and I'll ask her what the hell is wrong with her. It'd be a great new reality TV show. Of course, there are two reasons that show would never work. Number one: I have a soul, and I'd feel horrible talking like that, even in jest. Number two: I'm not a very attractive man, and there are a lot of douchebags in the world, so they'd likely see through my facade and go for an actual doucher instead of me.
I seriously just don't understand this world sometimes... Honestly, I'm not trying or anything, but if a girl told me that she wouldn't date me because of my looks, though she acknowledges my personality as appealing, I think I'd understand. It would suck, but in this world, as sad as it sounds, that is the norm. It's not the nice guys who finish last. It's just the attractive douches finish first, and they do it by lying, cheating, and stealing to get ahead. Humility is dead. The only way to win a girl is by bragging about how big and fast my everything is.
This took an odd turn, but now I'm feeling more angry than frustrated. I'm going to end this here, because everything I've tried to type in the past few minutes ended up being gibberish. I almost don't want to post this blog at all. Rereading it, it's probably the worst one I've written in years. So fragmented and pointless... I guess that's just what you get this time, folks.