(no subject)
I've been thinking, as usual. I've been thinking about graduating and losing some old friends in order to be ready for new ones. I've been thinking like a wise old woman even though I'm barely an "adult". I've been pondering all the what-ifs until I've stressed out all the possibilities. I've been thinking, as usual.
Graduation is just around the corner and of course I am more then excited about walking across that stage but it's beginning to dawn on me that I'm going to cross over into a new world and life the minute I reach the end of that stage that will be more then that, a stage. I'm crossing over into living in a dorm without my mom. I'm crossing over to losing friendships I thought I'd never lose only to discover new ones. I'm crossing over to the new me, leaving behind the me that I was trying to be.
I think the friendship thing is getting me the most. I was looking over someone's prom pics on facebook and noticed that there wasn't even one picture of me and that person. We were bestfriends at one point. When I was a freshmen in highschool I always dreamed that when prom did arrive that we'd hang out and just be, well, the way we always were with eachother, comfortable. But its over I guess. It feels like we're a million miles apart now and I'm reaching out for their hand but they've got a new bestfriend who makes them feel better. A new bestfriend who can laugh at the obnoxious jokes that make that person who they are. I suppose we were just a phase. You'd just think that after this long, all the fights and shit we put eachother through, we'd be stronger, love eachother even more then before. But we're not. I want to live with the facts too but even when I'm supposed to be an 'adult' I want to be the child with the dreams. I want to dream that we're still bestfriends. Is that pathetic? It feels that way. But its like that with everyone. I mean I have friends who are ditching me for people they just met as opposed to me, their friend for four years or more. Thats really depressing. It makes me feel like our friendship existed just because we had the same class or something. I dunno.
But what can I do? Nothing really. Just go with it all I suppose. I already met some pretty cool people at Lawrence so yeah, I'm excited. Me and Dj are going on almost 8 months! Its amazing:) Just been thinking I suppose.
Graduation is just around the corner and of course I am more then excited about walking across that stage but it's beginning to dawn on me that I'm going to cross over into a new world and life the minute I reach the end of that stage that will be more then that, a stage. I'm crossing over into living in a dorm without my mom. I'm crossing over to losing friendships I thought I'd never lose only to discover new ones. I'm crossing over to the new me, leaving behind the me that I was trying to be.
I think the friendship thing is getting me the most. I was looking over someone's prom pics on facebook and noticed that there wasn't even one picture of me and that person. We were bestfriends at one point. When I was a freshmen in highschool I always dreamed that when prom did arrive that we'd hang out and just be, well, the way we always were with eachother, comfortable. But its over I guess. It feels like we're a million miles apart now and I'm reaching out for their hand but they've got a new bestfriend who makes them feel better. A new bestfriend who can laugh at the obnoxious jokes that make that person who they are. I suppose we were just a phase. You'd just think that after this long, all the fights and shit we put eachother through, we'd be stronger, love eachother even more then before. But we're not. I want to live with the facts too but even when I'm supposed to be an 'adult' I want to be the child with the dreams. I want to dream that we're still bestfriends. Is that pathetic? It feels that way. But its like that with everyone. I mean I have friends who are ditching me for people they just met as opposed to me, their friend for four years or more. Thats really depressing. It makes me feel like our friendship existed just because we had the same class or something. I dunno.
But what can I do? Nothing really. Just go with it all I suppose. I already met some pretty cool people at Lawrence so yeah, I'm excited. Me and Dj are going on almost 8 months! Its amazing:) Just been thinking I suppose.