It's Becoming Really Obvious.

[banana13]

My dad messaged me on Facebook two days ago for the first time since the Father's Day blowout:

❝just thought i would say hi.. hope you are well.❞

I responded:

❝I'm doing alright.

Have you given any further thought to what I said?❞
I thought it was a pretty simple, straight-forward, and reasonably polite question. I had spent a lot of time on my

Comments

[secret_gyoza]

your dad is kind of an immature jerk.

i had a therapist that told me that with my family i could only expect what they were capable of giving if i wanted to have a relationship with them. some people require a lot of self-examination, you have to ask yourself if it's worth your trouble to deal with that. if he is i wouldn't expect him to change. that's kind of where i am with my own dad.

[banana13]

Right now, I'm just playing nice until I can get the picture I loaned him back. There's no way I'm letting him keep it. I'll just have to swing by his house next time I have a chance, and I'll drop off the DVD he loaned me and get my picture back. And after that... who knows?

[secret_gyoza]

with my dad, i know he loves me. he'll do what he can for me but he's an ass. he drinks too much blames everything on everyone else and throws temper tantrums. he'll throw stuff and shit like that. i don't really expect a relationship out of him and it makes me uncomfortable because he doesn't seem to know that he can't handle one. he just not there emotionally to be an adult and have a healthy relationship, but it's like he forgets that sometimes and tries in the most awkward selfish ways. it's like he bounces off of me occasionally and that's our relationship.

and it's okay because i don't expect more and have accepted that.

[banana13]

Yep, that's pretty much my dad exactly. Plus my dad constantly lays guilt trips.

The sad part is that I don't really know if my dad loves me. My whole life, he's always been more interested in his significant others than in me.

When my step-mom was physically abusing me and my brother, he sided with her. He paid for her daughter to get braces, but never had the time or money to get me braces. When I was in the emergency room after a friend of mine drove over my foot, he opted to stay home, in bed with his then-girlfriend, instead of coming to pick me up...

[secret_gyoza]

my dad is about guilt, he ignored or didn't know that any of us were being abused, he doesn't want to spend any time with us unless it's about him, he spent my childhood taking himself on vacations and it wasn't until highschool that i found out he didn't save a penny for my education. he also made me spend hours redoing my homework because my hand writing wasn't neat enough. yelling at me because in my depression that was causing migraines at 12 i wasn't the top student in my gifted and honors classes.

i have a ridiculously high IQ, i never did bad in school until i was told that As weren't good enough.

he's not a great dad but he loves me in his selfish he knows what's best for me way. i just have spent a lot of time learning he isn't capable of being better because he isn't capable of understanding that he has problems that aren't everyone else's fault.

[banana13]

Meh. I just don't have the patience to deal with my dad any more. He may have issues, but I have my own issues to deal with.

When he yelled at me because I told him that my anxiety made it nearly impossible for me to leave the house and told me that it was "ridiculous" and "the wrong thing to say", he made it very apparent that he wasn't willing to accept me for who I am, so I'm done trying to accept him for who he is.

I'm holding him to my own standards from now on, and if he fails to meet them, I'd just as soon not have anything to do with him.

[secret_gyoza]

that's your other option and there's nothing wrong with choosing it.