rest my soul.
If I was the 'me' that I was two months ago, I may have died today.
I am so amazed by what this day has turned out to be. I feel like I've come into my own in so many ways. There is nothing holding me back anymore. My burdens are lesser. I don't want to let go of this feeling, and I will do whatever I need to to cling to it.
If someone wants to tell me that the chemical balance of my brain is, or ever was, normal (in the past 5-6 years) then they should take into account that all of these changes came about ONLY after the Prozac. I had tried everything else.
So what happened today? Really?
A girl I barely know who I know talks shit about me was around today. We will call her A. Then there's my sorta-kinda-ex. B.
Long ago when B and I were dating, or seeing each other, or fucking--she met up with A --who happens to live on campus at Kennesaw, where I now reside. She said she had a very bad feeling about her, and that she didn't look nearly as good as her profile picture. (Yeah, online dating, lol.) She told me she had a feeling that A could really fuck over someone's life and she really didn't want to get involved with her.
Anyway, I was fucked up back then. B and I didn't work out, for various reasons--mainly because I was mentally disabled and she was really into doing all these things that I was either afraid of or incapable of. (This isn't a sexual reference. Like skydiving and shit.) And it was a rocky road I guess, so maybe there were some hard feelings. I got kind of upset when I saw that she added A on Facebook, because I thought she had said she didn't trust her...well, months went by and I kind of didn't think about it for a while.
Today rolls around, and I am hanging in the common area of my dorm. In walks A, who I had never previously met in person, but I recognized. She and her little friends were whispering shit about me, texting each other from right in the same room--yeeeah, it was painfully obvious they were blabbing about me, or at least now it has become so... because then A leaves, and lo and behold, 5 minutes later waltzes in with B.
Yeah, not even fucking kidding. B doesn't live nearby, and I know they met on that dating site. And turns out they're all over each other. Then five minutes later they leave.
There were a billion other factors making this situation worse, but I'd rather not harp on them.
So I DITCHED as soon as they were gone. (So they didn't see my weakness.)
"Uh, roomie and I have to go do dishes."
So I talked to my roomie about it. We hadn't gotten the chance to get close yet, but tonight and in the past few days I feel like we really have gotten to know each other better, and it's nice.
Then my roomie and I went upstairs to watch a few movies with my friends, and we just fucking laughed. I was so depressed from earlier, but we just laughed and laughed and then watched Million Dollar Baby and got all teary eyed. But by the end of the night I forgot about those catty douches. And I really felt sorry for them.
As I said to my roommate amidst dishes, "I'm ready for them next time. I'm armed with kindness." People don't know what to do when they're being cats and you're just kind and sweet as can be. By parading themselves like that, they were trying to trigger me, (possibly into a suicidal episode, which does make me shake with rage because I WOULD HAVE been in one back then, and they aren't aware that I have changed so much.) But I wonder, I just wonder how B would react when I went right up to her, smiled, addressed her by name, and said "How have you been? it's been a while."
Damn I feel sorry for cats
I am so amazed by what this day has turned out to be. I feel like I've come into my own in so many ways. There is nothing holding me back anymore. My burdens are lesser. I don't want to let go of this feeling, and I will do whatever I need to to cling to it.
If someone wants to tell me that the chemical balance of my brain is, or ever was, normal (in the past 5-6 years) then they should take into account that all of these changes came about ONLY after the Prozac. I had tried everything else.
So what happened today? Really?
A girl I barely know who I know talks shit about me was around today. We will call her A. Then there's my sorta-kinda-ex. B.
Long ago when B and I were dating, or seeing each other, or fucking--she met up with A --who happens to live on campus at Kennesaw, where I now reside. She said she had a very bad feeling about her, and that she didn't look nearly as good as her profile picture. (Yeah, online dating, lol.) She told me she had a feeling that A could really fuck over someone's life and she really didn't want to get involved with her.
Anyway, I was fucked up back then. B and I didn't work out, for various reasons--mainly because I was mentally disabled and she was really into doing all these things that I was either afraid of or incapable of. (This isn't a sexual reference. Like skydiving and shit.) And it was a rocky road I guess, so maybe there were some hard feelings. I got kind of upset when I saw that she added A on Facebook, because I thought she had said she didn't trust her...well, months went by and I kind of didn't think about it for a while.
Today rolls around, and I am hanging in the common area of my dorm. In walks A, who I had never previously met in person, but I recognized. She and her little friends were whispering shit about me, texting each other from right in the same room--yeeeah, it was painfully obvious they were blabbing about me, or at least now it has become so... because then A leaves, and lo and behold, 5 minutes later waltzes in with B.
Yeah, not even fucking kidding. B doesn't live nearby, and I know they met on that dating site. And turns out they're all over each other. Then five minutes later they leave.
There were a billion other factors making this situation worse, but I'd rather not harp on them.
So I DITCHED as soon as they were gone. (So they didn't see my weakness.)
"Uh, roomie and I have to go do dishes."
So I talked to my roomie about it. We hadn't gotten the chance to get close yet, but tonight and in the past few days I feel like we really have gotten to know each other better, and it's nice.
Then my roomie and I went upstairs to watch a few movies with my friends, and we just fucking laughed. I was so depressed from earlier, but we just laughed and laughed and then watched Million Dollar Baby and got all teary eyed. But by the end of the night I forgot about those catty douches. And I really felt sorry for them.
As I said to my roommate amidst dishes, "I'm ready for them next time. I'm armed with kindness." People don't know what to do when they're being cats and you're just kind and sweet as can be. By parading themselves like that, they were trying to trigger me, (possibly into a suicidal episode, which does make me shake with rage because I WOULD HAVE been in one back then, and they aren't aware that I have changed so much.) But I wonder, I just wonder how B would react when I went right up to her, smiled, addressed her by name, and said "How have you been? it's been a while."
Damn I feel sorry for cats