Ain't it hard to keep your eyes closed sometimes. Ain't it hard to turn away.
I almost got in a fight last night.
I spent the whole night trying to figure out if I should go to Erica’s fort party or to Play. Carrie really wanted me to go to Erica’s but I’d made my stand and Erica wasn’t talking enough to work through stuff. I had some friends that wanted to go to the party, too. I was waiting for Erica to say something like “Tam, I’d like you here”, which to be fair she had said a couple days ago, but that was before things became a drama pit. I was trying to explain why I was so upset and she eventually said she hated talking about things over text, which I agreed I did too and said that I had tried to meet up with her earlier in the week. Eventually she just stopped replying.
Carrie went to the party. I went to the bar with Jaime. I didn’t really enjoy myself because most people I normally hang out with weren’t there. A couple that were there, were acting strange. Carrie’s 18 year had been texting me all night. There was some weird stuff between the 18 y/o and me that I needed to report back to Carrie, but we were both drunk and texts weren’t communicating much.
We left the bar around 1:30 and I figured we’d drive by Erica’s, if Carrie’s car was there I’d grab her to talk to her (but not go into the party myself). Her phone is broken so I couldn’t call. They weren’t in the backyard so I went to knock on the door. It was open, I cautiously and very uncomfortably went inside at Jaime’s urging. There was an entryway with a second door. I wasn’t sure what to do. Carrie came walking out.
That’s when things got weird. She was falling all over the place and I was shocked to hear that she was headed to her car. Carrie generally has no perception of how drunk she is. Jaime went to the washroom and nobody else appeared. I continued trying to convince Carrie that she shouldn’t be driving. There was some talking behind the door and all of a sudden some big, butch chick appeared telling everyone “the party was over and it was time to go!”. It was confusing, since Carrie was clearly putting on her boots to leave anyway and I told her I was just collecting my friend and we were heading out.
I didn’t like the way she was talking to me. It was really rude and disrespectful and since she had no idea who I was, I didn’t feel like she had the right to talk to me that way. She went back inside. Carrie continued trying to lace up her boots. There was more talking, someone was clearly telling big butch girl to make us go away. Or make me go away. Which we were doing, she was just getting her shoes on!
The door opened up again and the big girl was there, this time along with Michelle. Michelle is Kat’s current girlfriend. They’ve been dating for a year and Erica and Michelle had never met. Kat keeps those worlds separate. I couldn’t hold my surprise in and said something to the effect of “Michelle is here?!” which was probably kind of weird for her and she responded along the lines of “Yes, Michelle, what?” like ‘who is this girl who knows who I am?’. She went back inside. Carrie later said Michelle was super nice and she really liked her, she figured she could’ve stolen her away from Kat if she wanted to. Carrie also said that she really, really didn’t like Kat.
So big girl is still there, staring us down. I’m starting to get real mad about how she keeps talking to me and somehow it escalates. What I was really mad about was the fact that Erica was hiding somewhere inside, making other people deal with it. I perceive big girl’s behaviour to be becoming threatening and say “We may have to have a lesbian rumble!” in a teasing voice, you know, Bring It On style.
Because when punches are about to be thrown, I quote movies.
Carrie gets angry. She’s a fighter, she hasn’t done it in a very long time but she spent every night in a fight when she was younger. This girl is threatening me and she is not okay with that. She slams something down and steps between us, asking the girl to step outside. I was as ready to fight as she was, both of our hearts pounding. This girl that didn’t know me was talking to me like I was a piece of dirt, trying to be intimidating and we were both not in the right mood to brush that off.
The girl went behind the door again. Jaime came out of the bathroom, very confused. The door remained half open and I think I saw Erica at that point. But Carrie said she was in the bedroom, so I’m not sure. I thought I heard her talking in the kitchen (and heard Erica’s voice, I think). Carrie was revving up to fight. I was standing there, laughing at the surrealism of it all. The girl came out again, Carrie asked her to go outside again and she…ran away. She didn’t say anything, she just slammed the door behind her. So we left. We stood in the backyard a bit, Carrie put the fire out that had been left burning. I kicked a bottle and did everything in my power to tell myself ‘do not kick in the fort. Don’t do it. You’ll feel bad. It’s a cool fort. Don’t’. I resisted.
We went out front and Jaime left. I continued begging Carrie not to drive. She asked me to get in so she could drive me (one block) home. I refused. She drove along me with the window open, talking. Ha. Half a block away, she got out and we talked. She asked me to get in because it was cold and said she wouldn’t drive. I got in. She drove. I didn’t really care because we were a half block from my house. We chatted for an hour outside my house and then we went and got some food. We came back and talked, deeply for another hour.
Carrie told me how surprised she was when she realized how protective she is over me. That was pretty nice. She said she didn’t think she would react just as angrily as she had. I explained just how screwed up I feel over Erica. I’m terrified of my own feelings right now. I’ve felt this way over less than a handful of people (not even all my past gfs) and it’s so mind bogglingly frustrating since Erica is acting weak and pathetic. If she was really sending that girl out to make me go away? Coward. If Kat was doing it and Erica really was passed out somewhere like Carrie thinks, I’m not as mad. But either way, I need to get my strength together and stay away from Erica for at least a while. It’s time to stop being a hypocrite, I’m strong enough to stay away from a girl.
And as usual, I’m thanking my lucky stars for Carrie and her hours of consolation, insight, hugs, genuine caring and concern and that hilarious image of her about to pound a bitch solely on my behalf.
I spent the whole night trying to figure out if I should go to Erica’s fort party or to Play. Carrie really wanted me to go to Erica’s but I’d made my stand and Erica wasn’t talking enough to work through stuff. I had some friends that wanted to go to the party, too. I was waiting for Erica to say something like “Tam, I’d like you here”, which to be fair she had said a couple days ago, but that was before things became a drama pit. I was trying to explain why I was so upset and she eventually said she hated talking about things over text, which I agreed I did too and said that I had tried to meet up with her earlier in the week. Eventually she just stopped replying.
Carrie went to the party. I went to the bar with Jaime. I didn’t really enjoy myself because most people I normally hang out with weren’t there. A couple that were there, were acting strange. Carrie’s 18 year had been texting me all night. There was some weird stuff between the 18 y/o and me that I needed to report back to Carrie, but we were both drunk and texts weren’t communicating much.
We left the bar around 1:30 and I figured we’d drive by Erica’s, if Carrie’s car was there I’d grab her to talk to her (but not go into the party myself). Her phone is broken so I couldn’t call. They weren’t in the backyard so I went to knock on the door. It was open, I cautiously and very uncomfortably went inside at Jaime’s urging. There was an entryway with a second door. I wasn’t sure what to do. Carrie came walking out.
That’s when things got weird. She was falling all over the place and I was shocked to hear that she was headed to her car. Carrie generally has no perception of how drunk she is. Jaime went to the washroom and nobody else appeared. I continued trying to convince Carrie that she shouldn’t be driving. There was some talking behind the door and all of a sudden some big, butch chick appeared telling everyone “the party was over and it was time to go!”. It was confusing, since Carrie was clearly putting on her boots to leave anyway and I told her I was just collecting my friend and we were heading out.
I didn’t like the way she was talking to me. It was really rude and disrespectful and since she had no idea who I was, I didn’t feel like she had the right to talk to me that way. She went back inside. Carrie continued trying to lace up her boots. There was more talking, someone was clearly telling big butch girl to make us go away. Or make me go away. Which we were doing, she was just getting her shoes on!
The door opened up again and the big girl was there, this time along with Michelle. Michelle is Kat’s current girlfriend. They’ve been dating for a year and Erica and Michelle had never met. Kat keeps those worlds separate. I couldn’t hold my surprise in and said something to the effect of “Michelle is here?!” which was probably kind of weird for her and she responded along the lines of “Yes, Michelle, what?” like ‘who is this girl who knows who I am?’. She went back inside. Carrie later said Michelle was super nice and she really liked her, she figured she could’ve stolen her away from Kat if she wanted to. Carrie also said that she really, really didn’t like Kat.
So big girl is still there, staring us down. I’m starting to get real mad about how she keeps talking to me and somehow it escalates. What I was really mad about was the fact that Erica was hiding somewhere inside, making other people deal with it. I perceive big girl’s behaviour to be becoming threatening and say “We may have to have a lesbian rumble!” in a teasing voice, you know, Bring It On style.
Because when punches are about to be thrown, I quote movies.
Carrie gets angry. She’s a fighter, she hasn’t done it in a very long time but she spent every night in a fight when she was younger. This girl is threatening me and she is not okay with that. She slams something down and steps between us, asking the girl to step outside. I was as ready to fight as she was, both of our hearts pounding. This girl that didn’t know me was talking to me like I was a piece of dirt, trying to be intimidating and we were both not in the right mood to brush that off.
The girl went behind the door again. Jaime came out of the bathroom, very confused. The door remained half open and I think I saw Erica at that point. But Carrie said she was in the bedroom, so I’m not sure. I thought I heard her talking in the kitchen (and heard Erica’s voice, I think). Carrie was revving up to fight. I was standing there, laughing at the surrealism of it all. The girl came out again, Carrie asked her to go outside again and she…ran away. She didn’t say anything, she just slammed the door behind her. So we left. We stood in the backyard a bit, Carrie put the fire out that had been left burning. I kicked a bottle and did everything in my power to tell myself ‘do not kick in the fort. Don’t do it. You’ll feel bad. It’s a cool fort. Don’t’. I resisted.
We went out front and Jaime left. I continued begging Carrie not to drive. She asked me to get in so she could drive me (one block) home. I refused. She drove along me with the window open, talking. Ha. Half a block away, she got out and we talked. She asked me to get in because it was cold and said she wouldn’t drive. I got in. She drove. I didn’t really care because we were a half block from my house. We chatted for an hour outside my house and then we went and got some food. We came back and talked, deeply for another hour.
Carrie told me how surprised she was when she realized how protective she is over me. That was pretty nice. She said she didn’t think she would react just as angrily as she had. I explained just how screwed up I feel over Erica. I’m terrified of my own feelings right now. I’ve felt this way over less than a handful of people (not even all my past gfs) and it’s so mind bogglingly frustrating since Erica is acting weak and pathetic. If she was really sending that girl out to make me go away? Coward. If Kat was doing it and Erica really was passed out somewhere like Carrie thinks, I’m not as mad. But either way, I need to get my strength together and stay away from Erica for at least a while. It’s time to stop being a hypocrite, I’m strong enough to stay away from a girl.
And as usual, I’m thanking my lucky stars for Carrie and her hours of consolation, insight, hugs, genuine caring and concern and that hilarious image of her about to pound a bitch solely on my behalf.