Bet you thought I'd given up on this...
Title: Speak No Feeling (Part 6)
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes and cursing, eventual NC-17
Summary: Bam ran away for two weeks, not leaving any word to anyone of his plans. Now that he's back, he and Ryan are forced to reevaluate what they mean to each other. Set during their high-school careers, but the timelines and details are probably a bit off. Deals with dark issues at parts.
Pairings: Eventual Bam/Ryan, implied Jess/Deron
Disclaimer: Bam and Ryan and others are real people who I have no ownership of. To my knowledge, this never happened. And I am most certainly not making any profit from it!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Short, angry beeps startled Ryan out of his sleep. He rolled to his slide and slapped at the alarm clock, finding the ‘off’ button without much hassle. As he leaned back against his pillows, it bothered him at just how fast his heart pounded whenever the stupid fucking thing went off. If he heard one in a movie or a television show, his whole body jolted. It didn’t seem right that he should have to react that way; why did he even need to get up this early anyway?
He stood up and took a few baby steps, and then realized he was still wearing the headphones attached to his stereo. The hard plastic clung to his neck like a half-necklace. Ryan knew he moved in his sleep too much for the headphones to actually stay on his ears an entire night. He didn’t even remember what he fell asleep listening to, he just remembered hoping things were going okay at the Margera house.
Stepping into the hall, Ryan wondered just how things were going in his own home. He missed his mother cooking him breakfast. It was dark and cold and he didn’t like having to be the first one up in the mornings. He made his way to the kitchen and mindlessly poured himself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.
Ryan slurped at his cereal as he got ready for school. He’d perfected the balance needed to put on your shoes and eat at the same time. He hadn’t quite perfected brushing his teeth and eating at the same time, but he was working on it. The cereal bowl sat on the bathroom counter as he ran a comb through his hair and furtively ran a stick of deodorant over his armpits, chest, and stomach. He didn’t have enough time for a shower, but he didn’t want to offend anyone with his odor.
Scarfing down the rest of the cereal, Ryan realized that this would be the first day after a long vacation that he’d be expected to do some actual work at school. The tech classes wouldn’t be bad, but he knew the more academic courses would be hell. His teachers had only been so lenient because of Bam being missing. It just made him feel like a total piece of shit that he almost wished Bam wouldn’t be in school today, so he’d have one more day without the mind numbing busywork.
Throwing his bookbag over one shoulder, he reluctantly made his way out the front door. The air was frigid and he wasted no time getting into the car, turning it on, and putting the heat up on high. He was lucky it hadn’t frosted overnight, because he barely had enough time to get to school as it was. Shift into drive, pull out of the driveway, turn right, and he was on autopilot the rest of the way. Ryan hated the routine.
He got a shitty space in the school parking lot, a long walk from the doors that opened into the senior wing. As he grabbed his bookbag out of the back-seat, he noticed Rake and Art Webb the next row over.
“Hey!” Ryan shouted, waving one hand lethargically at them. They responded with sleepy waves of their own, and soon they had fallen in step, walking side by side to a fresh day of school.
“So, Bam’s back?” Art asked, making pointless small talk, because of course Rake had told him last night.
“Yeah. I’m glad I’m not him today,” Ryan replied, kicking at a loose piece of gravel. It bounced beneath a poorly parked sedan.
"No shit. He'll probably bail after lunch," Rake predicted. Ryan wouldn't be surprised.
"How'd his parentals take it?" Art asked, cocking his head to look at Ryan. He shrugged. He'd been tempted to call, offer a ride to school just to be able to talk with Jess or Bam or even April. But, of course, he never did it. He never did anything unless Bam was directing one of his dumb videos.
"Dumbfuck," Art said suddenly, kicking at the bumper of an annoyingly bright red car.
"Mother fucker!" Rake cried in agreement, kicking hard enough to leave a small dent. Ryan lifted his eyebrows and stopped walking, fixing the brothers with a curious stare.
"It's Heatherly's car," Art explained. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ryan turned and gave the bumper two firm kicks of his own and came up with a creative curse to scream. Dan Heatherly was just about their least favorite person in school. Whether he was one-upping Rake in science class, making Jess look bad on the team, or dissing their free time activities, he was an all around prep-jock asshole. Raab loved to torment the guy. He'd had a field day when he heard Bam had run away.
"And there's the bell," Rake observed, quickening his pace. He only ran when he thought his GPA was at risk. Art and Ryan grinned at each other, watching him scuttle off to homeroom. Being late had little importance to them, as with most of the guys.
"Hey, you wanna hang out after school with the whole crew?" Art asked.
"You're inquisitive today," Ryan muttered, stepping over a bag from McDonalds.
"Oh, big five syllable word, gee, you're so fucking smart, Dunn."
"Four syllables. And yeah, sure. Where at?"
"Diner across from Fairman's?"
"Yeah. I'll let everyone know."
"Cool. See you later, man."
"You too." With that, they parted ways, Ryan off to his locker and Art following after his brother to their homeroom. The halls were empty, aside from the stray substitute teacher or janitor. He entered his combination in, swung the door open, stared inside at his stuff and realized he didn't need anything, then slammed it shut.
"You're tardy, Ryan Dunn," Mr. Hess observed as Ryan walked into 184. Dico waved from the back of the room, grinning wildly.
"Yeah, sorry, rough night," Ryan offered as an explanation. It was half true. He saw Mr. Hess' expression soften and pretended not to notice that he was marked as on time. He sidled through the tight rows between desks and sat at the open one behind Dico.
"Yo," Ryan breathed out, pulling out his Spanish homework that was due last week.
"Hey, man, you're so not going to believe this!"
"What?" His heart pumped faster, but he wasn't sure why.
"Well, Jess picked me up this morning and was throwing a total bitch fest. He was all 'I can't fucking believe Bam didn't get in any trouble, we were all so worried and mom just lets him sleep in late and doesn't even take away any of his privileges' and it was just so great because Jess bitching is so goddamn funny," Dico rambled, changing voices when appropriate. His Jess impersonation meant he talked lower and slower, borderline stoner-esque.
"He didn't get in any trouble?" Ryan asked, amazed and a bit jealous.
"Naw. Like after Ape hugged him for an hour, she yelled at him some, but his dad made her stop and after that it was fine. He's not even coming in today until, well, I bet you can fucking guess."
"AV?"
"Yeah. You're smartening up, Dunn!"
"That's what I hear," Ryan said, trying to focus on conjugating 'llevar'. Dico snatched the paper away from him and began writing the answers, hand flying across the paper.
"Who'd call you smart, Dunn?" Dico asked, barely paying attention to Ryan's homework.
"You, apparently. And Art Webb 1986," Ryan answered. He twisted his neck around to see Brandon's answers to the worksheet. They seemed right. He wasn't even sure if Dico had taken Spanish.
"He doesn't count. He's barely a person. He's more gold chain than he is man." Ryan had to laugh at that. A couple of their fellow peers turned around to glare at them, as they were apparently working hard on homework. Ryan felt sorry for people like them. For whatever reason, the image of Bam floated into his head. His mental image of people was never very accurate. Ryan always seemed to make his friends more attractive in his mind, and his enemies less so. But Bam was the same in reality as he was in Ryan's head. He thought that that might mean something.
"So Jess is pissed with Bam?" Ryan asked, barely a second or two after Dico's proclamation about Art. Dico shrugged.
"Yeah. He said he was gonna take all his anger out on his drums," Dico told him.
"Deron'll like that," he observed, trying to call up some memory of what Foreign Objects even sounded like. He hadn't been to one of their shows or practices in a month. He wanted to tell them that they'd never get anywhere with a sound that heavy, but didn't have the balls to do it. Ryan felt like he'd been pretty ball-less about a lot of things lately.
"Here," Dico mumbled, shoving the Spanish worksheet back at him, every verb conjugated perfectly. Ryan noticed that the hand writing had even been craftily made to look something like his.
"Thanks."
"De nada."
"Did you take Spanish?"
"No, but Jenn did. The basic stuff is pretty easy. Even a dumbass like you could handle it."
"Thanks," Ryan repeated, this time sarcastic. The bell rang and he felt his stomach drop. Three hours until he'd see Bam, one and a half until he got to a class he wasn't prepared for at all, and six until he was free to actually do anything of importance.
Author's Notes: At first, I simply was too busy for this fic. Then I jumped the Dugera ship for CKY bandslash and then I remembered how wonderful Dugera is and wanted to finish this. So I will finish it. Hopefully there won't be any three month breaks this time, either.
And, because my friends want me to share our girl!viva la bam show (sortofnotreally), here is some of Yes, Definitely. And a little more Yes, Definitely.
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes and cursing, eventual NC-17
Summary: Bam ran away for two weeks, not leaving any word to anyone of his plans. Now that he's back, he and Ryan are forced to reevaluate what they mean to each other. Set during their high-school careers, but the timelines and details are probably a bit off. Deals with dark issues at parts.
Pairings: Eventual Bam/Ryan, implied Jess/Deron
Disclaimer: Bam and Ryan and others are real people who I have no ownership of. To my knowledge, this never happened. And I am most certainly not making any profit from it!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Short, angry beeps startled Ryan out of his sleep. He rolled to his slide and slapped at the alarm clock, finding the ‘off’ button without much hassle. As he leaned back against his pillows, it bothered him at just how fast his heart pounded whenever the stupid fucking thing went off. If he heard one in a movie or a television show, his whole body jolted. It didn’t seem right that he should have to react that way; why did he even need to get up this early anyway?
He stood up and took a few baby steps, and then realized he was still wearing the headphones attached to his stereo. The hard plastic clung to his neck like a half-necklace. Ryan knew he moved in his sleep too much for the headphones to actually stay on his ears an entire night. He didn’t even remember what he fell asleep listening to, he just remembered hoping things were going okay at the Margera house.
Stepping into the hall, Ryan wondered just how things were going in his own home. He missed his mother cooking him breakfast. It was dark and cold and he didn’t like having to be the first one up in the mornings. He made his way to the kitchen and mindlessly poured himself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.
Ryan slurped at his cereal as he got ready for school. He’d perfected the balance needed to put on your shoes and eat at the same time. He hadn’t quite perfected brushing his teeth and eating at the same time, but he was working on it. The cereal bowl sat on the bathroom counter as he ran a comb through his hair and furtively ran a stick of deodorant over his armpits, chest, and stomach. He didn’t have enough time for a shower, but he didn’t want to offend anyone with his odor.
Scarfing down the rest of the cereal, Ryan realized that this would be the first day after a long vacation that he’d be expected to do some actual work at school. The tech classes wouldn’t be bad, but he knew the more academic courses would be hell. His teachers had only been so lenient because of Bam being missing. It just made him feel like a total piece of shit that he almost wished Bam wouldn’t be in school today, so he’d have one more day without the mind numbing busywork.
Throwing his bookbag over one shoulder, he reluctantly made his way out the front door. The air was frigid and he wasted no time getting into the car, turning it on, and putting the heat up on high. He was lucky it hadn’t frosted overnight, because he barely had enough time to get to school as it was. Shift into drive, pull out of the driveway, turn right, and he was on autopilot the rest of the way. Ryan hated the routine.
He got a shitty space in the school parking lot, a long walk from the doors that opened into the senior wing. As he grabbed his bookbag out of the back-seat, he noticed Rake and Art Webb the next row over.
“Hey!” Ryan shouted, waving one hand lethargically at them. They responded with sleepy waves of their own, and soon they had fallen in step, walking side by side to a fresh day of school.
“So, Bam’s back?” Art asked, making pointless small talk, because of course Rake had told him last night.
“Yeah. I’m glad I’m not him today,” Ryan replied, kicking at a loose piece of gravel. It bounced beneath a poorly parked sedan.
"No shit. He'll probably bail after lunch," Rake predicted. Ryan wouldn't be surprised.
"How'd his parentals take it?" Art asked, cocking his head to look at Ryan. He shrugged. He'd been tempted to call, offer a ride to school just to be able to talk with Jess or Bam or even April. But, of course, he never did it. He never did anything unless Bam was directing one of his dumb videos.
"Dumbfuck," Art said suddenly, kicking at the bumper of an annoyingly bright red car.
"Mother fucker!" Rake cried in agreement, kicking hard enough to leave a small dent. Ryan lifted his eyebrows and stopped walking, fixing the brothers with a curious stare.
"It's Heatherly's car," Art explained. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ryan turned and gave the bumper two firm kicks of his own and came up with a creative curse to scream. Dan Heatherly was just about their least favorite person in school. Whether he was one-upping Rake in science class, making Jess look bad on the team, or dissing their free time activities, he was an all around prep-jock asshole. Raab loved to torment the guy. He'd had a field day when he heard Bam had run away.
"And there's the bell," Rake observed, quickening his pace. He only ran when he thought his GPA was at risk. Art and Ryan grinned at each other, watching him scuttle off to homeroom. Being late had little importance to them, as with most of the guys.
"Hey, you wanna hang out after school with the whole crew?" Art asked.
"You're inquisitive today," Ryan muttered, stepping over a bag from McDonalds.
"Oh, big five syllable word, gee, you're so fucking smart, Dunn."
"Four syllables. And yeah, sure. Where at?"
"Diner across from Fairman's?"
"Yeah. I'll let everyone know."
"Cool. See you later, man."
"You too." With that, they parted ways, Ryan off to his locker and Art following after his brother to their homeroom. The halls were empty, aside from the stray substitute teacher or janitor. He entered his combination in, swung the door open, stared inside at his stuff and realized he didn't need anything, then slammed it shut.
"You're tardy, Ryan Dunn," Mr. Hess observed as Ryan walked into 184. Dico waved from the back of the room, grinning wildly.
"Yeah, sorry, rough night," Ryan offered as an explanation. It was half true. He saw Mr. Hess' expression soften and pretended not to notice that he was marked as on time. He sidled through the tight rows between desks and sat at the open one behind Dico.
"Yo," Ryan breathed out, pulling out his Spanish homework that was due last week.
"Hey, man, you're so not going to believe this!"
"What?" His heart pumped faster, but he wasn't sure why.
"Well, Jess picked me up this morning and was throwing a total bitch fest. He was all 'I can't fucking believe Bam didn't get in any trouble, we were all so worried and mom just lets him sleep in late and doesn't even take away any of his privileges' and it was just so great because Jess bitching is so goddamn funny," Dico rambled, changing voices when appropriate. His Jess impersonation meant he talked lower and slower, borderline stoner-esque.
"He didn't get in any trouble?" Ryan asked, amazed and a bit jealous.
"Naw. Like after Ape hugged him for an hour, she yelled at him some, but his dad made her stop and after that it was fine. He's not even coming in today until, well, I bet you can fucking guess."
"AV?"
"Yeah. You're smartening up, Dunn!"
"That's what I hear," Ryan said, trying to focus on conjugating 'llevar'. Dico snatched the paper away from him and began writing the answers, hand flying across the paper.
"Who'd call you smart, Dunn?" Dico asked, barely paying attention to Ryan's homework.
"You, apparently. And Art Webb 1986," Ryan answered. He twisted his neck around to see Brandon's answers to the worksheet. They seemed right. He wasn't even sure if Dico had taken Spanish.
"He doesn't count. He's barely a person. He's more gold chain than he is man." Ryan had to laugh at that. A couple of their fellow peers turned around to glare at them, as they were apparently working hard on homework. Ryan felt sorry for people like them. For whatever reason, the image of Bam floated into his head. His mental image of people was never very accurate. Ryan always seemed to make his friends more attractive in his mind, and his enemies less so. But Bam was the same in reality as he was in Ryan's head. He thought that that might mean something.
"So Jess is pissed with Bam?" Ryan asked, barely a second or two after Dico's proclamation about Art. Dico shrugged.
"Yeah. He said he was gonna take all his anger out on his drums," Dico told him.
"Deron'll like that," he observed, trying to call up some memory of what Foreign Objects even sounded like. He hadn't been to one of their shows or practices in a month. He wanted to tell them that they'd never get anywhere with a sound that heavy, but didn't have the balls to do it. Ryan felt like he'd been pretty ball-less about a lot of things lately.
"Here," Dico mumbled, shoving the Spanish worksheet back at him, every verb conjugated perfectly. Ryan noticed that the hand writing had even been craftily made to look something like his.
"Thanks."
"De nada."
"Did you take Spanish?"
"No, but Jenn did. The basic stuff is pretty easy. Even a dumbass like you could handle it."
"Thanks," Ryan repeated, this time sarcastic. The bell rang and he felt his stomach drop. Three hours until he'd see Bam, one and a half until he got to a class he wasn't prepared for at all, and six until he was free to actually do anything of importance.
Author's Notes: At first, I simply was too busy for this fic. Then I jumped the Dugera ship for CKY bandslash and then I remembered how wonderful Dugera is and wanted to finish this. So I will finish it. Hopefully there won't be any three month breaks this time, either.
And, because my friends want me to share our girl!viva la bam show (sortofnotreally), here is some of Yes, Definitely. And a little more Yes, Definitely.