Is this right?

[baloney17]

I think I'm depressed. Or in the starts of what a true depression feels like. I've been crying a lot lately and small things are setting me off. Work isn't making me happy like it use to. I miss my family and I miss having friends. I have absolutely no one that I can really talk to up here. Sure some of my colleagues are great listeners but its not like I can tell them everything. The most difficult thing for me to deal with is that the person that knows me the best, that I want to talk to every day, that I trust with everything, lives 2000 miles away. Thank God I'm going to see him during Veteran's Day Weekend and again at Christmas (or at least that's the current plan). I haven't gone home the past 2 weekends and I wish I had. I was so happy this summer, being around my family and even some friends that were home. The past 2 weekends I've done nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was suppose to have company the first weekend, then that got pushed back, and then with my luck, he couldn't make it. I have to force myself to be goofy just so I don't look so down all the time. I don't know what I want. I know this isn't where I want to be and I'm going to look for jobs elsewhere at the end of the year, but will that be enough? I'm just not sure. I know this must sound pathetic, a 25 year old that wants to be near her family. But its not just my family, its interaction with people outside of work. Having a house to go to and visit, or having people come visit me. I need more than this and I don't know when I'll get it.

This entry is very depressing, I know, but I needed to write to get some things off my chest. I just need to figure out how to find this happiness that I'm so desperately seeking to find.

~ A lost Gemini ~