Big Fat Giant Elephant in the Room.

[ballistik]

Surgery is coming up less than a week from now. Next Monday at 1:30 pm, to be precise. I'm a little scared, a little depressed, and for reasons only known to me, I can't even speak of the nature of the surgery, but it's for my health and it's one of the most important things I need to do right now. I've been in and out of pain for the past 2 weeks. I stopped working out daily and haven't for the past 2 weeks - I feel fat, lazy, disgusting, revolting, even. Def don't feel like myself. Started as one thing and turned into a whole other illness, and I've been a little down about it. I also have lots of other crap going on in my life right now, including: dad has onset of early dementia and has been having more breathing problems lately, a close friend is in an abusive relationship and it's been killing me, my car is still in the body shop from the hail storm a month ago and I have been fighting with insurance adjusters - about to plop down $500 for my deductible tomorrow to get my car back (I've had a rental for the past week.) So much going on, including the end of the semester and the finals I just completed. The only thing NOT crazy right now is work, which has been going smoothly and predictably, which is nice... On top of all this, I had to push back a previously scheduled varicose vein surgery to next February since it happened to fall on the same day as my proposed surgery (after the fact.) I had planned to leave for Texas this coming Friday for the Holidays, and spend the following New Years Eve week in L.A. with my other family and friends, but now I am just going to spend half my vacation in surgery and in recovery, and other other half in Texas for Christmas and a little bit of time there after. My family said they understood that I don't want to be around other family, just my immediate family, as I'll be recovering. (Yes, I'm actually driving to Texas 3 days after the surgery for the Holidays. My dentist says I'll be OK to drive by then, after they've monitored me.) So yeah.. a lot going on, another development just moments ago: I have a date for Wednesday night this week. Not sure how I feel about the timing, but it's been well over a year since I had a date or anything. Very excited, and like I told my Sister earlier, "I'm not dead yet!"

Trying to remain positive here. If one more crazy bad thing happens, though, I feel like my house of cards (ie my soul) will collapse into a pile of shattered glass.

Hoping and praying everything will be alright next week.

Staying strong.

xx