lukewarm
i feel like my best days are behind me...that i look at a time and day...i can even give a date...when i was truely happy...big ol toothy grin happy...and now i feel i will never be that happy again...what is worse is i continued those moments of happiness out in another reality which i created for myself...one of hope of what might be...and i sometimes held the world i live in accountable to that reality