Lost
God,
I'm running so fast. I'm tripping. Hitting the ground hard. Very Bruised, getting up. Running again, a bit slower. Another trip, another fall, another failure. When will you let me give up? I work so hard. I care so much. I love so deep. Why would you let me feel that? When everything that I assume is right, suddenly smiles deviously back at me. I'm lost inside myself. I run up to murky patches and become irritated that I have to go through, while along the way unknowingly tearing apart friendly, harmless, helpful branches. I fall, and see them laying there. Some are withered. Some are swollen. Some grow thorns. Some dig holes and hide from my sight. And what can I do but just what my soul tells me to do...I cry. Guilt grows there. Sometimes I cry without tears. Sometimes I let a few pass. Then there are times when the tears flow. And even though I do not know why they come, even though I hate how they feel, they still come. They are there to signify my heart. What's deep in there. How deep it feels for the targeted loved one. My branch. My stability. That which I enjoy, when I'm not running. That which I mutilate when I am running, because running is blinding me. So, tell me, God. Why does the branch see my tears differently? Why does it run from me when I am lost? Tell me, God. Why do I chase it more persistantly when it's running? There comes a point when, while running after my beloved branch, I slam into a glass wall. And I look on at it, at him, while it keeps running from me and I wonder why it didn't stop to look back at me. Why it didn't approach me. Why it didn't tell me to slow down! And I see then. I know what I have to do to make myself happy and love my branch the way You have intended. So, why won't it stop and listen? Why would You make me wait? From running, to waiting. That's where I am. I love that branch. I love him. He penetrates the core of my heart with emotion. With love, excitement, desire, encouragement, happiness, beauty, sincerity, grace, faith, hope, understanding, wisdom. I see You, God, in him. And I love him for that. So, why must I keep running? When running blinds me from what's in my heart of hearts. When running blinds me from seeing the grace of his love. When running blinds me from how I treat him. When running toward him causes him to run from me. why. I'm broken. May Your name be praised forever. Amen.
I'm running so fast. I'm tripping. Hitting the ground hard. Very Bruised, getting up. Running again, a bit slower. Another trip, another fall, another failure. When will you let me give up? I work so hard. I care so much. I love so deep. Why would you let me feel that? When everything that I assume is right, suddenly smiles deviously back at me. I'm lost inside myself. I run up to murky patches and become irritated that I have to go through, while along the way unknowingly tearing apart friendly, harmless, helpful branches. I fall, and see them laying there. Some are withered. Some are swollen. Some grow thorns. Some dig holes and hide from my sight. And what can I do but just what my soul tells me to do...I cry. Guilt grows there. Sometimes I cry without tears. Sometimes I let a few pass. Then there are times when the tears flow. And even though I do not know why they come, even though I hate how they feel, they still come. They are there to signify my heart. What's deep in there. How deep it feels for the targeted loved one. My branch. My stability. That which I enjoy, when I'm not running. That which I mutilate when I am running, because running is blinding me. So, tell me, God. Why does the branch see my tears differently? Why does it run from me when I am lost? Tell me, God. Why do I chase it more persistantly when it's running? There comes a point when, while running after my beloved branch, I slam into a glass wall. And I look on at it, at him, while it keeps running from me and I wonder why it didn't stop to look back at me. Why it didn't approach me. Why it didn't tell me to slow down! And I see then. I know what I have to do to make myself happy and love my branch the way You have intended. So, why won't it stop and listen? Why would You make me wait? From running, to waiting. That's where I am. I love that branch. I love him. He penetrates the core of my heart with emotion. With love, excitement, desire, encouragement, happiness, beauty, sincerity, grace, faith, hope, understanding, wisdom. I see You, God, in him. And I love him for that. So, why must I keep running? When running blinds me from what's in my heart of hearts. When running blinds me from seeing the grace of his love. When running blinds me from how I treat him. When running toward him causes him to run from me. why. I'm broken. May Your name be praised forever. Amen.